Rearranging the Furniture

This weekend I rearranged my room. It feels so much better! Previously I had the head of my bed against a wall, parallel to the desk on one side, and the two bookcases on the other. I preferred it like that for a long time but recently realized that’s not what I wanted. So I split up the bookcases and put my bed against the wall. This gave me a wall to lounge against and more open space in the room. (Is this what I prefer in life, perhaps, to go against the conventions, switch things up a bit, and in the process gain something solid to lean against and some space to move around in? Ah, space AND security!)

The next physical change I think I need to make is at work. I don’t have a window anymore. Can’t see outside and there’s no natural light. It’s driving me crazy. Half the staff with windows keep their blinds closed, which stirs up resentment in me both in that they don’t appreciate what they have (just seeing the heat and light as a negative) and that I STILL can’t see outside. This should not be such a big deal that I need to carry it as my cross and find a way to cope with it. Nope. There is a simple solution. I just need to ask if I can switch cubes!

The office has been pretty lacking in harmony, warmth, and natural light on a metaphorical level as well. It is just so hard to get past the ugliness, confusion, and broken trust associated with the breakup of our old ministry. In my reflections on what happened I suppose tragic management mistakes in 2006 were really what brought our ministry down, although I can entertain the notion one of my former coworkers put forward that we had a great thing and it was amazing it lasted as long as it did. And maybe it would have been OK if this decision had been made and that one hadn’t, or this person had been involved and that one hadn’t. I guess we will never know.

I guess what’s troubling me now are the things that went on in 2007 with some of the folks who remained. And I still have to work with some of these people, which has been quite challenging.

The ol’ Serenity Prayer seems apropos here:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Here's something that may really help. In a few days our new organization, Pioneers, is sending 4-5 trained counselors to Denver for a time of “Debriefing and Moving Toward Reconciliation.” One of them writes about what this may look like:

We met yesterday to plan our time together and are eagerly anticipating the Lord to work to bring about greater healing and reconciliation among us.

We want you to think about our time together before we gather. We would like for each of you to prepare a “personal impact statement” that you would be willing to share with the group. We suggest in preparation that you write everything down that has significantly affected you in this time of change, transition and loss. Then focus on 4 or 5 things that you would like others in your team to know in order for them to understand how the events have personally impacted you. Then create “I messages” about those 4 or 5 things, i.e. “When this event happened this is how it affected me.” We are seeking to create an atmosphere of safety and “speaking the truth in love” by having each of us use “I messages” rather than “you messages.” That way each person takes ownership of their own responses. We want you to be prepared to share them with the group. The purpose of this is to help the group as a whole to move toward reconciliation.

Here is the proposed schedule (which could change as the day unfolds):

Monday:
8:00-8:30 Continental breakfast
8:30-9:00 Introductions and overview of the time
9:00-9:45 “A Review of the Facts that We Know” Ted E.
9:45-10:30 Group debrief of Ted’s summation
10:30-11:30 Break
11:00-12:30 Begin to share and process personal impact statements
12:30-1:30 Lunch
1:30-3:00 Continue personal impact statements
3:00-3:30 Break
3:30-5:00 Continue personal impact statements
5:00-6:00 Dinner
6:00-7:30 Finish the personal impact statements

Tuesday:
8:00-8:30 Continental breakfast
8:00-8:30 Continental breakfast
8:30-10:00 Close our time together
10:00-02:30 Opportunity for individual time with debriefers

We are looking forward to being with you and praying that the Lord will use this as a healing time together.

You know how to pray! I like and am inclined to trust the folks at Pioneers - particularly perhaps the one who wrote this, a woman named Deb. She sought me out when we were in Orlando and we had some great conversation. Deb knows people; she knows pain. And I think she and the others can help.