The Christmas Performance

Christmas pressure seems to start sooner and sooner each time it rolls around, doesn't it?

Family members are nagging one another to tell them what they want for Christmas. Stores are trying to lure us into buying everything, now if not sooner. I keep telling myself that since adopting the practice of having purchases shipped directly to the recipient, I need not bother about shopping now. I have made lists but it's too soon to buy. Yet still I feel the guilty urge, wondering if too many of the deals and selection will be gone when I'm ready to place my orders (or spend some of the gift money I expect to receive).

I've also had several emails from our apartment complex about the rules pertaining to putting up Christmas decorations. I grew up in a household where decorating seldom commenced before school got out, around December 20, yet for some reason I feel a subtle disappointment that our place is not more than just "beginning to look a lot like Christmas."

I wish we hadn't missed the mayor's tree lighting downtown; I like that kind of thing. I wonder if I can lure Hubs to a holiday concert or to go look at Christmas lights, or if it's even worth it. Hard to enjoy things the other person doesn't like, and as per usual, I'm short on other friends of the sort I could take to look at the lights or go to the concert.

Seems like holidays tend to poke at all my sore points. I become more sensitively aware of the things I don't like about my life and choices. Maybe my "love for Christmas" is doing more to build frustration than spread joy. Perhaps it's more of a love-hate thing, eh?

One thing that has crept on me early this year may do me good, however. It may reduce rather than increase my holiday uneasiness (as the gift giving and festive expectations have done). I've already read through two Advent devotionals. They're starting to soften me and to give me words and images to combat the Christmas craziness in the world, and in my own heart.

I know Advent hasn't started. But if you want to recommend anything Advent-ish to others, now is the time to do it, so I plan to post a few reviews. (Dang. There's that pressure again.)

In Saint John of the Mall, Jon Swanson expresses similar struggles:

"Nancy and I were talking about why we don't care for Christmas. We realized that it's about the expectations. There are scheduling expectations, there are emotional expectations, there are gifting expectations. There are even expectations about not being caught up in the expectations."

After spending years on church staff, expectations had worn away warm feelings about the season:

"'I think most of the reason I don't care for Christmas is spending so many Christmas seasons getting ready for events at church. Christmas programs. Advent series. Christmas Eve services. It often feels like I can't stop to think about Christmas, about Christ, until after the last event on Christmas Even. And by then, it's too late.'

"Nancy nodded. 'Even when he's home, he's thinking ahead to the next event, the next performance. Sometimes I think that the only way he's really home for Christmas IS in his dreams.'

"John thought for a bit. 'I think that the word that's got you trapped is the word "performance." Somewhere, you got caught up in performing for Christmas, and it's taken the place of celebrating Christmas. The deep, honest, participation in joy and grief and people.'"

If you're interested, you can pick up the Kindle edition of Jon's book for US$2.99.

Christmas Presents

 

Source: Forest Hills Church, Charlotte, NC

So, we're going back to Oregon to bring back all the stuff we left there when we thought our move to the South might be temporary. I think this is how we're going to feel when we unpack our moving truck on January 5. Chris gets his stereo back! I can have my books! Yes, we're grateful for all we have and don't need more, but we do look forward to having it all in one place. 

Retail Holidays and a Story of Stuff, Revised and Expanded

Although it may have begun as an undercover Christian catechism (Snopes say no), the 12 Days of Christmas came to paint a picture of gift-giving excess that has entertained (or maddened) many generations.

Today, though 12 days of holiday shopping seems like nothing.

A few years ago I wrote about America's New Commercial Holidays, the proliferation of special shopping days that took off around 2012 and expanded as far as what one source dubbed the 16 days of holiday retail.

I like "Balance Your Checkbook Sunday," though it could use a new name, too, since few of us write checks to any degree anymore. Balance Your... Spreadsheet?

I haven't heard references to Grey Thursday or Sofa Sunday lately. Instead, retailers seem to be focusing on Black Friday and stretching the oh-so-limiting idea of a day having just 24 hours. (After all, as St. Peter tells us, with the Lord a day is like a thousand years?) I saw my first ad urging Black Friday shopping in late October. Better get started!

Lest you think America unique in excessively commercializing holidays, consider China. November 11 was dubbed "Singles Day" in 2009 (you know.. 11/11, single digits). It's became not only that nation's "premier national shopping festival," but the largest online shopping event in the history of the world. This year, in one day (an old fashioned 24 hours this time), sources say the people spent upwards of US$38 billion dollars (with some disturbing results for the environment).

That's a lot of spending.

In the spirit of an old fashioned Christmas, may I point out: You still can't take it with you.

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In my 2014 post on this topic, I mentioned that Chris and I were making plans to divest ourselves of a lot of stuff, leave some in storage, and move across country (though maybe just for a year) with what we could fit in our two cars. Though Christmas was drawing nigh, we hoped friends and relations would be cautious about giving us more stuff in the months before we were to leave.

We're still on the East Coast. With the turns our careers have taken, we think we'll be here for some years. Now it's time to go back and get the 50 boxes (including all my books!) from the in-laws' attic along with the bit of furniture they've held onto for us. Summer would be better than winter, I know, but we have more freedom now and plan to spend the days between Christmas and New Year's (and a bit more) driving a small moving truck cross-country. (Shipping our stuff would have cost considerably more.) I'm trying to look at our long drive from Eugene to LA, then across I-40 as a potential adventure, but it's a little daunting.

It has been nice to have a relatively uncluttered apartment, although we have certainly acquired more stuff since our 2015 move. Interested to see how we manage with 50 boxes more.

Night Lights for the Dead?

In honor of Halloween, I give you: cemetery lights. I've spent enough time in parts of the world where world religions meet ancestor worship to have seen or heard about some elaborate funeral practices and memorial strategies. This one's new to me.

Did you know it was a thing? I didn't, not until last night when Chris came home a different route from the hospital and reported that our closest cemetery is aglow with solar-powered lights next to every tombstone. Some quick research suggests this is not, say, a security issue, but a way those left behind can honor, remember, or keep vigil for those who have gone on.

A couple internet searches for news about the phenomenon come up with no informational articles (though I'll keep looking), just oodles of ads for these from a wide variety of companies. They call them memorial lights, memorial lanterns, eternal lights, or vigil lights. Some are shaped as crosses or angels, others as candles or lanterns. As solar lights have become more popular and affordable, I suppose we shouldn't be surprised to see them cross over from gardens and driveways to graveyards as well.

One site says (somewhat ungrammatically),

"Cemetery lights also known as memorial lights are widely used in memory and respect for those departed loved person who passed on. As many consider it’s a bridge to the other side that can help in making the place more accessible. While a cemetery light for death can in no way replace the person who has died it can provide a spark of hope that those who have died will not be gone forever."

Maybe they don't use these on the West Coast, or maybe we just don't go to enough / the right kind of cemeteries to have noticed them. Are they mostly a Southern phenomenon? African-American? Catholic? Let me know if you know anything more about where this practice came from or how widespread or popular it may be. Inquiring minds want to know...

If it's primarily a Catholic thing, it may echo lighting candles for the dead, something that might be more likely to happen this week of the year than others:

"Catholics light candles for the dead as an act of remembrance or as a prayer for their souls. They can light candles at any time; however, death anniversaries and All Souls' Day are particularly popular dates to light candles in prayer for the dead."

*     *     *     *     * 

I miss Halloween, you know... Halloween as I think I remember it, Halloween through the eyes of a child in the 1970s. Without all the spooky stuff (which was probably there. I was just unaware).  Without all the institutionally-sponsored Halloween events (Trunk or Treat!). It was just about visiting our neighbors door to door, if only this one time of the year. (Well, this and when we knocked on their doors to sell them Girl Scout cookies or when they came to ours to tell us our dog was on the loose or our sheep had gotten out.)

Costumes were homemade, often a week or day before, not bought in a store. Mom sewed them when we were really small. Later we made them ourselves. Kids might go as pirates, not Jack Sparrow; as mermaids, not Ariel from the Little Mermaid. Now, like everything else, costumes seem to be produced commercially and chosen to highlight some aspect of consumer culture.

Guess I shouldn't be surprised. The culture has changed. It does that! 

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas

This is the first year I haven't blogged about the holidays, particularly that one everyone loves to love but sometimes hates. Yes, Christmas!

I don't think it's too late for a Christmas post. After all, Epiphany is not until tomorrow, right?

Just yesterday we got a big Christmas box in the mail! It was sent by loving relatives some three weeks ago. No, they don't live in another country, just the other side of this one.

Guess their goods don't rank the same speedy delivery that brings us, straight from Seattle in just a few days, anything we order from the mega-purveyer of Christmas (and other) material bliss, Amazon.com.

On the other hand, the family sent us home-preserved goods from their farm, chock full of goodness that would be hard to find on Amazon. Well worth the wait!

As I made my Christmas lists and tried to set my holiday expectations somewhere between "merry and bright" and "It's just another day, right?" I realized that this year, I didn't really want anything for Christmas.

Actually, what I really wanted were things I left back in the Northwest. Like the lace ornaments tucked away for safe keeping in my in-laws' attic in Oregon, and the treasured set of Madeleine L'Engle books trusted to Mom in Washington. Neither quite rated space in the car when we came to the South, but I miss them now.

Guess the holidays are bound to bring out my materialism one way or another, eh? Time to celebrate the poetry of limits, the beauty of simplicity, and the power of gratitude! After all, why do we let others convince us we need more stuff? Remember the Wired Magazine article, The Five Best Toys of All Time ("Stick," "Box," "String," "Cardboard Tube," and "Dirt")? 

The up side of being away from family this year was how much simpler it made certain things. No hundreds of miles on the road trying to catch everyone between Christmas and New Year's. Just a half dozen long phone calls to family members and an extra effort to get the Christmas cards out, knowing we're not going to run into those old friends but have to be intentional if we want to keep the relationships alive.

There was still the perennial stress of Christmas shopping, never my favorite. But did I mention Amazon.com? We did all our shopping online. Even so, not easy. Marriage brought together Chris's slate of "close" relatives (two kids, two parents, a sibling) and mine (four parents and a sibling), plus one another, for a total of twelve. Still fewer relatives than many have to budget, plan, and shop for, I suppose, but a number daunting enough to make the kind of thoughtfulness and generosity I really want to show at Christmas time rather challenging. Half of them out-do us, usually by a very humbling margin, every single year. I hope I'm the only one keeping score. Maybe next year we'll be able to give more. Or maybe next year I won't mind so much that we're always receiving more than we can give.

Maybe that's appropriate, anyway, on a holiday meant to celebrate the incomparable gift of the Incarnation. The bad news is the good news: you can't measure up, you can't do enough to deserve the good things that come your way. Pride be damned. Ultimately, I suppose it will be.

America's new commercial holidays

Once upon a time there was a holiday many Americans liked to think of as relatively sweet and unspoiled, a holiday still all about family and togetherness and celebrating the ways God has blessed us. But now Thanksgiving seems almost crowded out of the calendar by some new holidays, all of which quick research suggests appeared or at least began to be popularized, it seems, in 2012.

A friend of mine expressed great Facebook indignation that she'd shown up at Walmart at 5:30am on "Black Friday" only to discover the deals she hoped for had all been stolen away by shoppers on what I now see is called Gray Thursday ("The evening of the United States Thanksgiving holiday, when some retailers offer sales and stay open until the early morning or all night.")

Brick-and-mortar stores are scrambling to compete, of course, with deals on the Internet. "Cyber Monday" has been around for a while. Now that people don't have to go back to work for fast internet, I wonder if Cyber Monday will be undercut by Sofa Sunday ("The Sunday after the United States Thanksgiving holiday, when people relax at home and purchase goods online or on TV.")

Two more adjacent occasions have been introduced in recent years, both aiming to redirect some of our consumerism into more thoughtful causes: non-profits like the one I work for have high hopes of charitable donations for Giving Tuesday, while shopkeepers look to Small Business Saturday.

If that's not enough, see The Sixteen Days of Holiday Retail.   

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Chris and I are looking at holiday shopping a little differently this year. Last week he was offered a one-year hospital residency in Columbia, South Carolina, and this week I learned that we qualify for on-campus housing at the Christian college in that town where I've been chipping away at a Master's degree. If we take the job for him and get one of my school's furnished, two-bedroom apartments (as hoped), we'll be able to stay on top of the student loan payments about to kick in for Chris's M.Div and also do our bit for our two kids in college next year—all without raising our budget. Sweet.

Such an arrangement, though, would mean we couldn't keep all our stuff. It we take the job (which starts in September), the cheap furniture we bought three years ago will be garage-saled this summer. We'll probably keep a few pieces and put them into storage, along with most books and mementos. Clothes, electronics, and kitchen essentials can make the cross-country trip with us. But all the rest of the stuff we have—including wedding gifts, things left behind by the kids, and anything we get for Christmas—has to be evaluated. Worth keeping, paying to put in storage? Small or useful enough to bring along?

Any tendency to want more and better things is put into new perspective. We're not so tempted to take advantage of sales by buying things for each other or ourselves. And we're looking for ways to tell our close friends and relatives: please, don't add to our earthly goods this Christmas.  

Denver Interlude and Holiday Plans

A recent trip to Florida for meetings offered me the chance to stop and spend time in Colorado, my old stomping ground, on the way home. There I did for the first time something I've been doing for almost 20 years on trips to Washington - I set up about a dozen appointments for lunch, dinner, or coffee as a means of strengthening relationships with supporters and significant friends. It's the first time I've made a trip like that to Colorado, though, in the two years since I moved away.

The family I invited myself to stay with (!) seemed a little bemused by this process... it being, I suppose, an unusual one. I'd been doing this for so many years I'd sort of forgotten how much our culture has shifted and how busy people's lives have become. Making time to get together with a friend - one with whom your paths might not naturally cross - is a luxury many cannot afford.

I'm glad - grateful - that it's actually part of my job to do this. It's one of the best ways folks who follow this full-time ministry lifestyle can ensure they are not forgotten but still have relationships back "home" (and hopefully prayer and financial support when that is needed as well).

During the several days I spent in Denver, I ran into and/or remembered others I'd love to catch up with, too. From that vantage point, continuing the process seemed do-able. Now that I'm back in Oregon, with all the responsibilities for work, house, family, and school settling back around my shoulders, I have a harder time picturing myself do this. I haven't even returned messages received from some of those I began to pursue but was not able to see.

One person I met with is a good friend who is single, and who as we spoke alluded to the awkwardness she feels about this week's Thanksgiving holiday. It hasn't been that long; how could I have forgotten what it's like to be single on Thanksgiving? Wondering where you will go, who will invite you and when... the delicate process of answering the inquiries of others when you are not sure they are about to extend an offer or, not interested in accepting it!

The question would come up at church or the office: "What are you doing for Thanksgiving? You'd be welcome to join us if you have no other place to go!" Usually I received several offers on those unflattering terms. Maybe I could go one place for dinner, and drop in elsewhere for pie and coffee? Would that be too weird? Would I feel like the pathetic add-on person and wish I'd skipped the whole thing and just stayed home?

My marriage has generally made my life more complicated, but it does simplify and answer the question of who I'll be with on the holidays. This year's Thanksgiving feast is conveniently close - as will be, I imagine, every holiday that we stay in Eugene. No need to go over the river or through the woods: Grandma Wade lives less than ten blocks away.

I'm a little more bent toward variety than tradition, but tradition wins this time. And I'll include some of my own favorite traditions though they differ from those of my new family. I'll make pumpkin pie from scratch and watch the Macy's parade. And this year I'll try to practice an unholiday-like moderation, as well, as I continue to diet. The pounds and inches are not melting off very quickly, I admit. But I do feel better and am managing to keep the doctor's orders fairly well. When I go see her again next year, I hope there will be less of me.

Restraint has an appeal all its own. It offers a simplicity and clarity which feasting cannot offer. This time of year I often think of my first Thanksgiving in Eugene way back in college days, which began with the usual feast but was followed by three days of ramen and apple slices. I suppose that even that year, the Wade family was gathered almost ten miles north of me in the big house where we'll go this Thursday.

Central Asian Country Bans Santa

As many readers know, after seven years working in the home office of a U.S.-based mission organization, I took to the field. My goal was to experience what it would actually feel like to leave the Western life behind and take one's first steps in a new existence at the ends of the earth.

Of course from the perspective of Jesus' words in Acts 1:8 ("you will be my witnesses..."), my new home in Oregon is much more ends-of-the-earth than Muslim Central Asia could be. The town where I lived there is only about 2000 miles from Jerusalem (as the crow flies), while this one is about 7000. Culturally, too, a Central Asian person's mindset and way of life has more in common with a first century middle-easterner than you'd find in North America.

Yet the Soviet Russians left their mark. As these Christian-background atheists expanded their footprint in that region, they brought some aspects of European Christendom and introduced redesigned and secularized winter holidays to bring a little light into the darkness (without stirring up anyone's religious or ethnic sensibilities).

They popularized a character my friends called Kor Bobo, grandfather snow, the jolly man in in a fur-lined suit (sometimes red) who comes around each December. And Archa Bairam, the tree festival, where schools and communities gather pine branches and decorate them with tinsel and ornaments. The big holiday is Yangi Yil; people sing carols, make festive dishes, and exchange holiday greetings and presents in honor of the New Year.

Now the government of one country, Uzbekistan, is lashing out a bit against these too-Western traditions. See the article Uzbekistan Bans Santa to get the details.

St. Valentine's Day posed a similar threat -- it was an affront to national values. So like nationalists in India and some other Asian countries, Uzbekistan has tried to suppress it. They still allow International Women's Day, with its chocolates and flowers and a day off work. Perhaps that ought to be enough. The government encouraged local folks to replace Valentine's day with a celebration of the February birthday of local hero, ruthless Moghul warlord (and passable poet) Babur (1483-1530).

I'll leave you with a few lines of one of his early verses, recorded in his journal (aka "the Baburnama")

Other than my own soul I never found a faithful friend.
Other than my own heart I never found a confidant.

No, maybe Babur would not have been a fan of St. Valentine's Day.

Fifteen Days and Counting

A hundred Christmas cards, that's what I'm hoping to send. It may go without saying that they will not go out the day after Thanksgiving. I'm just aiming to get them in people's hands by Christmas Eve. If it seems strange to send that many, consider my occupation as a support-raising missionary-type person - a trade that makes space for and in fact to some extent requires maintaining a large network of loose ties, supporters and colleagues and praying friends. Most of my communication is electronic; I don't send mail like I used to. But having done wedding invites less than a year ago, we have an unusually up-to-date list of addresses.

It has been much harder than I expected to get together with friends and relatives this last year, or even to get on the phone with them. So I'm hoping this batch of cards will help send the message, "Hey, we're still thinking about you!"

Probably need to resist the urge to explicitly say, "And let's get together soon!" I long for such interaction. I'm not sure what it would take to make space in our lives for it now. Maybe this is just a season for doing without. We did join a small group at church... and just learned the leaders are disbanding it. So it's back to the drawing board.

But you know, I do enjoy the long-distance communication too. And Christmas cards are part of that plan. I have the supplies to make simple ones by hand using inexpensive materials, and will enclose photos that ran us nine cents a copy. So the chief investment is the time to assemble things - and that will go by during the space of a holiday movie or two.

Every year I get fewer and fewer Christmas cards. Some post their greetings on Facebook, or send them out by email. Others still do a mailing, but it's either a letter, or a card; seldom both. I wonder what it will be like this year?

When the cards are done, it's time to think about Christmas gifts. We've purchased two or three things but there's quite a ways to go. I have a budget, and last year's list. I think we need to sit down and make a plan together. But this will have to wait until Hubs is done with school. It's his last week.

Here's something I recently read about holiday gift giving. The specific question was: "Is it the thought that counts?"

"...The latest psychological research indicates that the amount of thought you put into a gift has very little impact on how much the recipient likes the gift, let alone how much they bond with you. Research indicates that if you put a lot of thought into a gift that tends to make you feel a lot better than it does the recipient. Furthermore the process of carefully choosing a gift bonds the purchaser more to the recipient than it does the recipient to the purchaser. Then what does make someone feel good about a gift? Getting the gift they wanted, that’s what!"

See Do Yourself a Favor and "Voucherize" this Christmas Thing (Forbes).

Scents of the Season

Well here we are - just past winter solstice and made it to Christmas Eve-eve. Today is a day off for me. I will do some reading for school but also make a couple of pies for the Christmas dinner to be held tomorrow.

What tastes say "Christmas" to you? I'm going for chocolate and peanut butter, as I understand both flavors - especially together - are quite popular with the Wade family. Christmas is a great time for chocolate, yes? Or maybe any time is!

A few days ago we found ourselves at Bath and Body Works investigating their selection of aromatic candles. Two for $20, and no tax here in Oregon. Glass jar, lid, three wicks ("burns faster that way," Chris suggests).

Some of the scents and their names made me laugh. "Gingerbread" and "peppermint" are straight-forward enough, but what does it tell you to know something comes in the flavor of "sleigh ride," "deck the halls," or "winter"?

The brother of a college roommate was a jazz musician and sometimes composer. Judy enjoyed coming up with names for pieces he had written or should write. And instrumental music is like candle scents, or more so, isn't it? Call it whatever you like! It was her hope that he would one day write a piece called "Green Chavez Lane."

QUESTION:  What name would you love to give to a scent, color, song, etc?

Holidays and Happiness

How do you feel about Christmas?

For at least a couple of decades December was my favorite time of year. I think that was true even when my family was disintegrating and I was making the transition into the grownup world. Whether I was with family or with friends, it was a special time of year. Nostalgia can linger for a long time.

Some time in my 30s, though, I think I crossed a line. Just as a prediction of snow came to mean slick roads and scary commutes, not sledding and staying home, the approach of Christmas has come to bring with it more stress than jollity. As a way of taking responsibility for my own emotions, I've tried to "manage" the disappointment away through the choices I make, but not with much success. Reading back through my holiday posts on this blog I think negative or ambiguous feelings about holidays have come to outweigh the positive ones; now I have little expectation that it will be the hap, happiest season of all.

I am, at best, cautiously optimistic.

Does it have to be that way? Let's not insist on happiness, like it's some kind of right, but how about choosing joy? Hmm...

Although the correlation is inexact, age seems to be the most significant factor. Little ones are supposed to love Christmas and by and large they do. But it's usually the grownups who call the shots for what Christmas will be "like" any given year. How do we pull together in a way that feels both loving and authentic?

It's been a tough year for the family I'm joining. Some major illness, disappointment, and loss. As I find my place in a family that includes a teenaged son and daughter and three teenaged nieces, I wonder how they feel about the holiday. It's a little hard to ask: I know you don't believe in Santa or anything, but Christmas, is it still magic for you? Is there anything I can do to help keep this time special for you? (Or to experience some magic for myself, seeing it through your eyes?)

Chris and I are also talking, in broad-brush terms at least, about starting some traditions of our own. 

While the Christian feast of the incarnation requires no trees, sweets, or wrapping paper, there are some cultural values connected to Christmas that I find particularly helpful: gratitude and giving.

A big part of Christmas, as I was growing up, was making those shopping lists, going to the drugstore for fancy soaps for the great aunts, wrapping up jars of homemade jam for the teachers, picking out a stuffed animal for my sister and some new socks for Dad, brainstorming with him about what Mom would like. In more recent years the great aunts are gone. I guess I could have still sent my online professors jars of jam (what would they say? We've never met!). Meg might still like the stuffed animals; I did not go that route but did bring back something a little playful for her from my spring trip to Siberia. And I did get Dad socks, last year, and Mom can always use something to keep her warm, too.

In recent years I've made a a few more grown-up additions to the giving list. I've often picked out presents for my several dozen supporters. I've enjoyed making year-end financial gifts to people I can't support year-round. My inbox is full of year-end appeals. Looks like I have maybe $200 tops that I could distribute that way this year, but maybe Chris and I can make those decisions together? I enjoyed picking out poinsettias and delivering them to a few of his patients last weekend. It would be good to do more of that.

Pat, my news sleuth in New York, recently brought to our readers' attention the connection between happiness and giving. Read about it here (scroll to the last item).

Not Yet Perfect

"Still looking for that perfect gift?" asked the radio spot. It was a Christian station; I think they were pitching something like child-sponsorship. But I chewed on those words for a while. I wondered why they felt like an accusation.

Should I be looking for that perfect gift? Is there something wrong with me if I don't want to give the perfect gift or have stopped looking? What if I don't like choosing presents for people, or shopping in general? If I'd rather opt out of wrapping, decorating, and filling and/or facing down a table full of sweets?

I envy the husbands of some of my friends, the kind of guys who have someone else to plan events and buy presents and write cards and sign their name. Must be nice to be a man! Now and again and in small doses I enjoy these celebratory arts, but this time of year it's all at once, and the more there is the less it seems to mean.

But it is what it is, and I go along with all of it, awkwardly, longing for the clean, crisp days of January.

It helps to acknowledge to myself that it's not that I'm right, and the others are wrong. Shopping and wrapping and parties and decorating and eating together are ways as good as any to show love, good will, and generosity. I can give those things, and I can receive them, even as I object to the huge helpings all at once.

Maybe next year I'll get more Silent Night, Holy Night, and Peace on Earth.

What does bring a sweetness to my soul, tears to my eyes, and cause my Grinchy heart to grow three sizes larger? There are some elements of Christmas - even Christmas in secular 21st-century America - that do. Every time I click on a link to watch one of those Hallelujah Chorus videos that are going viral on the internet (here's today's), I start to cry. What is it that makes that piece so glorious? Whatever it is about those melodies, harmonies, and rhythms, the lyrics cap it for me:

King of kings, and Lord of lords / And He shall reign / And He shall reign forever and ever

How wonderful it will be to take our place in a kingdom that will last forever, not to be in charge but to be under the care of a completely trustworthy and loving authority, in a place where both rest and work are redeemed and there will be no more struggling.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Revelation 21:3-5 

Avoiding a Bah, Humbug Christmas

Haunted?

"Christmas can be, as the song says, 'the most wonderful time of the year' or it can be the saddest season of all. Fortunately, as I've learned since that long-ago Yuletide, the choice is up to us.

"When it come to cranky Christmas-ers, no one tops Ebenezer Scrooge. (He was single, too, by the way.) Scrooge's holiday plans, such as they were, were rudely interrupted by visits from a parade of ghosts. If we're not careful, those same ghosts can haunt our own holidays..."

>> Read the rest of Susan Ellingburg's article on being single at Christmas.

Abdication

My new friend Kay writes: "When I learned about King Edward abdicating his throne I thought it was the most romantic story I'd ever heard. Imagine, giving up the throne for the love of a woman.

"Of course, during that time, the throne didn't really hold any power anymore. It was purely position, but still...

"What if a king of old had done that? Back in the day when brother killed brother, son killed father, husband killed wife for the crown. What if a king had forsaken all that power, wealth, prestige and honor for love? Unheard of.

"But then... isn't that what we're celebrating this month?"

>> Read Kay's post.

Born into What Kind of World?

Finally, another friend who lives in a war-torn African country writes in a recent newsletter:

"When I think about Christ’s birth in light of our situation out here I am reminded that our situation is closer to the world Christ broke into than yours.

"The Christmas story is not just a warm fuzzy baby born in rustic settings and declared 'Prince of Peace.'

The Holy Innocents by Giotto di Bondone

"Remember that the Jews were subject to a brutal Roman overseer in Israel, Herod killed hundreds of babies and children in pursuit of his 'rival,' and Mary and Joseph were forced to become refugees and flee to Egypt. The Magi had to return a different way to their land in order to not endanger Jesus. For Joseph, Mary, the Magi and everyone involved in the birth story, their lives were turned upside down.

"So my prayer for you and me is that we will have a 'real' encounter with Jesus this Christmas season and even though our lives may be turned upside down we would say yes to Him who gives 'peace not that the world gives, but that surpasses understanding.'"

Christmas Mind Games

How do you feel about Christmas this year? If you live in America you may be considering this question as the "season" is well underway. In any other part of the world, Christmas may be two and a half weeks off and you aren't giving it much thought.

However, let's just say you're in America. And probably, like me (and many other people over 10) you have some mixed feelings here.

I'm a big fan of Christ, but getting frustrating with Christmas. I'm seriously considering dropped the term "Merry Christmas," with all the stress and nonsense that covers up its legitimate meaning, and going with the not-quite-as-tarnished "Happy Holidays." I might opt for "Season's Greetings" but that sounds too meaningless. It reminds me of a phrase they use in a Central Asian country where I spent one Christmas: "bairamingiz bilan." Literally that translates "with your celebration." Works for any occasion. It's short for "bairamingiz bilan mubarak bo'lsin," which means, "Blessed be your celebration." Guess that's a little better. Huh. What do you think?

Do the "Merry Christmas!" greetings make Christmas more merry, or less? I've been wondering if the tidal wave of memories, expectations, and messages from friends, strangers, and media of all kinds to be and feel fabulous, since it's the "most wonderful time of the year, the hap, happiest season of all" is part of the problem.

I've done most all of my shopping and my bit of the decorating; I've committed to attend three holiday parties next week. I also have two big boxes of Christmas cards to send. But I'm not sure I really want to send them and if so, what to write. Will it just add to the madness and put on more pressure towards jollity? If I dampen my well-wishes to the point where they don't invoke pressure, though, they don't seem worth sending. Hmmm.

A friend/relative of mine who claims to hate Christmas writes in a post called I Am a Christmas Failure: 

"Christmas is a wonderful time of year when everything is wondrous and special and magical and stuff. Which is why it sucks... because I'm supposed to feel magical, and I don't, so I end up feeling sub-unmagical."

Probably I am over-thinking this one, throwing out the baby with the bathwater, and fighting when I could just relax and let Christmas be the stew of peace, joy, stress, meaning, and nonsense that it has become. Any advice?

And wild and sweet the words repeat...

Love this song, based on a poem written by Longfellow for a nation at war.

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play.
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how as the day had come
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair, I bowed my head:
'There is no peace on earth,' I said,
'For hate is strong and mocks the song,
Of peace on earth, good will to men.'

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep;
'God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men'.

Frantic Advent: To Dodge It, or Dive in?

Today is work-at-home Wednesday. Snow is falling gently outside and I'm in my jammies with my laptop and a cup of coffee, trying to get some perspective on the day and month to come.

This month, December, is not like the others. How much will we join in the "fun"?

1. Deck the Halls

Five houses in a row, elaborately decked in lights, now grace my cul-de-sac. We are house #6.

I am intimidated - I don't like being the one to break the chain. Hmmm... a couple strings of white lights across the picket fence in front, some colored ones for the tree in back - we could do it. We just haven't, not yet.

But the temps started going down after Thanksgiving and now there's snow. It gets harder to think of crawling around putting up lights in our yard - always assuming I make it through the process of untangling and checking all those strands of lights.

And of course I need to save some for the "tree" - still in its box. (Though now extricated from our crawl space.)

Am I so behind, having not done this?

2. Stuff The Stockings

Shopping isn't stressing me out this year. No, I didn't do it all in July, but I have a relative small shopping list, got requests from most of the key people, and took care of much of it these last few days (debit card and mouse in hand). My family purchases will be waiting for me at Mom's house when I arrive there in a few weeks.

Still, if I want to keep my sanity, I'll need to avoid getting sucked into the catalogs, magazines, newspapers, advertising supplements, etc. that would invite me to buy or long for more stuff.

What about you? Got this one under control? Or struggling with it?

3. Send Those Cards

Most of my co-workers are are somewhere in the process of getting out end-of-the-year newsletters, writing Christmas cards, getting family photos printed, sending gifts to their supporters, etc. It's starting to feel "late" to be just thinking about such things now.

Christmas cards? I used to always make my own; cheaper than buying, for a list of 200 or so. Last year I did "sendoutcards.com." Efficient, but not quite as cosy, and more expensive. This year I'm thinking about going the glittery, store-bought route and cutting the list to 50 or 60; not trying to reach everyone.

But I =could= still get some photos taken and do the whole Christmas-photo-for-your fridge route. For 50? Or for 200? "You'll get a lot more end-of-the-year donations if you do," said a world-wise colleague yesterday. (See below.) I don't like to think of it that way!

I haven't decided. Hmmm...

4. Inviting People to Give

For people in my line of work, working for a ministry/non-profit, it's not all just holiday cheer. "Everybody knows" that now is the time to invite people to send those extra, end-of-year checks that help us make up deficits and or get a good start on the new year. And for that, you need a newsletter. In addition to or instead of a Christmas card.

Well... I sent a financial update in October, a good, meaty newsletter at the beginning of November, and blew a cool $500 on the supporter gifts. Ordered fresh pine wreaths from a kid I know who was selling them. They are supposed to be delivered to their various destinations in about a week.

Asking for more support, though? It's hard for me, lately. I've never fallen short at year's end, and it's been almost 15 years. A few extra gifts came in October and November, but my account is still in the negative after months of high expenses. This is probably going to be the year I fall short - at least it will be if I don't take some additional action.

Here's where I'm stuck. It seems like =everybody= is asking for money these days, and most of them need it more than I do. It somehow doesn't seem sporting to add my little request to the cacophany.

I told my coworkers that I need to raise more support and that this issue was what was getting in the way. I asked them if there was another way to look at it. They gave me some helpful ideas.

So, today is the day I will dig out my notes from that meeting and reflect on what they said - see if I can get unstuck. Because right now the problem is me.

5. Wise Men Still Seek...

That brings me back to advent. Didn't the prophets say something about God sending somebody who could say,

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Yeah. That's the perspective I need.

Memorable Thanksgiving

My most memorable Thanksgiving ever was exactly 20 years ago, in 1989, when I was a student at the University of Oregon.

My mother had gotten remarried a few weeks before, so I’d just made the trip home and spent time with all the family. Rather than make the five-hour journey again I decided to stay on campus that year.

Like many out-of-state students, I didn’t know people in the city where I studied - not unless they were connected with the university. A friend who was not leaving town until Friday wrangled a Thanksgiving dinner invitation for the two of us, but after that I was on my own.

All campus services, including the cafeteria, were basically closed down for the four days. So I went to the student union building and tried to take some cash out of the ATM to buy groceries and maybe start my Christmas shopping.

Unfortunately there was a bit of a problem with the ATM machine; it “ate” my card. The way banking worked in those days, the only local businesses that would accept my out-of-state checks were the ones related to the school, and I don’t think I had a credit card at the time.

So for the next three days I’d have to find a way to feed and entertain myself alone and with the $5 in my wallet.

There’s a poetry in limitations. I don’t know when I’ve enjoyed a long weekend more.

I went for walks along the river, explored the woods, and sat for hours by the window of my third-floor dorm room looking out at the rain and trees and thinking slow thoughts. I savored the Anne Tyler novel I’d picked up for the occasion – reading a novel instead of a college text being quite the luxury. I spent my $5 on a jar of peanut butter, a loaf of bread, a block of cheese, and apples - filling in the gaps with ramen noodles and tea.

When friends trickled their way back to campus throughout the afternoon on Sunday I was glad to see them. But I had enjoyed my time alone.

The Solstice Is the Reason for the Season

I know, I know, you might expect good evangelical Christians to either throw themselves into Christmas wholesale (no pun intended) or to reject it as just what Jesus wouldn't want. I can sympathize with both those perspectives and the shades in between (See Matt Green's Why Christmas Is More Evil Than Halloween). But today, I'm looking at the season through different eyes.

For those of us living in the Northern hemisphere, Sunday marks the shortest day of the year. Were we living more as those who came before us did, with lives more closely connected with the natural world, we would feel it: that weariness of winter, of fighting the elements to stay warm, and perhaps a haunting fear that warmth and light and life would never return.

Here in Colorado we get some cold temperatures. It snows; typically once a week. But there's also sunshine just about every day. And most people I know are rarely really exposed to "the elements." Sure there are people who are depressed in the winter, here, but probably for more complicated reasons than those who live in places like Alaska, Chicago, or the Pacific Northwest. Although the sun is with us every day here, it still gets up late and goes down early. Depressed Coloradoans may feel more isolated or alone in the wintertime. Maybe they are afraid to drive or fear falling on the ice. Maybe they miss gardening or going for walks.

So, I can appreciate this weekend's turning point, the solstice. How right it is that we, as a race (quite apart from our cultures or religions) would look for those things that comfort and encourage during these dark days.

If Christmas, in its best and worst incarnations (perhaps in the eye of the beholder) comes in laid on top of such a context, well, why not? It seems an appropriate setting for a message of hope and new life:

A Winter Festival

"A festival of lights was held in the depths of winter in pagan times, long before the birth of Jesus and the Christian church. The celebration - Yule - was to mark the winter solstice, when the earth was resting quietly after its labours through the year, the trees were mostly bare and stark, the skies were often grew and gloomy, and the hours of darkness were at their longest. But this was the turning point, and soon the days would grow longer and the sun would return, warming the earth once more, and bringing new hope to mankind - just as Jesus did."

Source: The English Christmas: The Pitkin Guide, 2006

Last weekend I joined several friends for a trip to a nearby mountain town. It was the day of their Santa Lucia parade. A Christian celebration of light.

Staying Warm, Keeping Cool, and a Word from Shel Silverstein

What’s Hot and What’s Not

When I first heard a younger, hipper friend mention attending an “ugly Christmas sweater party” I was surprised. I did not realize there was a such a thing. Are there “fabulous Christmas sweaters”? There may be. They would probably be made of cashmere or trimmed with angora or something.

But in perusing the ads and the streets I realize the purchase and wearing of Christmas “novelty” sweaters outside such an event seems mostly limited to women my age and older, and the not-so-fashionable ones, at that. When you have something you only get wear once or twice a week for a few weeks of the year, it doesn’t wear out very fast, so the not-so-fashionable, not-so-young, not-so-rich types like me may not think of getting rid of it. Perfectly good sweater, one would think.

However, I’ve seen the other side, and I have to say: ladies, the day of the Christmas sweater seems to be over. If you love your Christmas sweater, fine, but realize the younger, cooler people in your life may respect you less for it. Unless you take it to their ugly Christmas sweater party. 

I’m trying to decide if I care. I don’t interact with the young and cool as much as I did when I was part of a college-and-career group, a few years back, though there are times when how I dress could matter in terms of how I’m received and how effective I am in my work and ministry. So it’s not completely meaningless, not solely a matter of vanity or personal choice.

I do have one Christmas sweater. Well, it could just be a winter sweater, as its only adornment is a pattern of white snowflakes. But the sweater itself is red, so I think it’s a Christmas sweater. I don’t think it would even “place” if I wore it in an ugly Christmas sweater contest, but I’m not sure I understand the criteria.

Sweater Envy

Back in the day when novelty sweaters (and vests, and jumpers, and jean jackets, sweatshirts, and embroidered denim shirts) were all the rage, I was torn between wanting one (or more) and realizing they were (even then) quite a poor investment. Some were topical (related to your hobby or profession, for example) but many were seasonal, and therefore only appropriate for a small portion of the year. And of course they were not solid colors: they all had “stuff” on them, and generally should only be worn with solids, not prints (though, there’s a rule that may have gone by the wayside as well).

Flash back with me to the autumn of 1994. I was not long out of college and neither pursuing a career nor yet in full-time Christian ministry, just heading in that direction. I was just starting to raise support. Money was tight. A long, expensive trip overseas to try things out with the ministry I ended up joining had left me almost penniless. And here were all these women at church with their new sweaters.

I thought: Voluntary poverty has a lot of appeal and I don’t find fund-raising humiliating, like some people do, but as long as I’m living here in suburbia it seems kind of unfair that I can’t have a new sweater this year. JUST ONE. Something with a bit of style, not just a plain pullover, but still versatile and practical.

My parents were the answer to my vain wish, though I don’t remember if I expressed it, or not. (Knowing me, I probably did). At any rate my stepmom and mom each gave me a nice sweater that fall. One, a hand-me-down, the other, a birthday gift. They didn’t have leaves or apples on them, nor snowmen and Santas – they were just nice cable sweaters, in go-with-everything shades. Perfect. And after that I was okay and didn’t feel sorry for myself anymore. 

This post is getting long, but I leave you with this…

Santa and the Reindeer

“This is the hour,” said Santa Claus,
“The bells ring merrily.”
Then on his back he slung his pack,
And into his sleigh climbed he.

“On, Dancer! On, Prancer! On, Donner and Blitzen!
On Comet and Cupid!” cried he.
And all the reindeers leaped but one,
And that one stood silently.

He had pulled the sleigh for a thousand years,
And never a word spoke he.
Now he stood in the snow, and he whispered low –
“Oh what do you have for me?”

“I have games and toys for girls and boys,”
Said Santa cheerily.
The reindeer stood as if made of wood –
“But what do you have for me?”

“The socks are hung, the bells are rung!”
Cried Santa desperately.
The reindeer winked at a falling star –
“But what do you have for me?”

Then Santa reached into his beard,
And he found a tiny flea,
And he put it into the reindeer’s ear,
And the reindeer said, “For me? Oh gee!”

And into the blue away they flew,
Away they flew with the flea.
And the moral of this yuletide tale
You know as well as me.

Where The Sidewalk Ends: The Poems and Drawings of Shel Silverstein. New York: Harper and Row, 1974.

Holiday Postings

Not sure what interesting, helpful, inspiring, or original thoughts I have to contribute on a holiday theme this year. Any ideas? Meanwhile, here are some reruns - stuff I wrote last year.

Light of the World? (December 1, 2007)

'Penguins ARE Christmas...' (December 4, 2007)

Boxing Day Thoughts on Gift Giving (December 26, 2007)