Forgive Us Our Trespasses...

While I'm pretty clever, my best stuff all comes from recognizing a good idea when I see it, rather than being truly creative or insightful, myself.

All the really fruitful things I've been part of are someone else's idea that somehow I've been in the right place to carry on to completion. With their blessing and encouragement.

As gifts go, I'll take it. I mean, if I can harvest ideas from dozens or hundreds of people whom I know, that's a lot better than just looking in my own head, right? And if I can come alongside other people and help their ideas get out there, and make introductions - to help people connect with each other and with the good ideas - that's a lot better than building a network just around myself.

But sometimes this hunter-gatherer behavior gets me in trouble. I recently publicized and passed around someone else's idea without thoroughly clearing it with him. I didn't really steal his idea; I gave him credit, after all, and wrote and asked him permission to do what I wanted to do with his idea. But I didn't hear back in time, so I plowed ahead without really lining up the permissions I should have had. Oops.

Now I need to figure out how to make an apology without making unnecessary waves.

I do that kind of thing; I cut corners, ethically. Sometimes. More than I should. I'm not a very strict rule-follower. I don't do things by the book, even when I really ought to.

I think that's part of what holds me back from growing in influence and responsibility. Not that people necessarily look at me and say: that girl, she can't be trusted. But I look within and say: that girl, she can't be trusted. So I say no to the promotion or responsibility or whatever it is.

I'd like to see that change. Wouldn't it be nice to have a clear conscience, all the time? To be worthy of the trust people place in us?

I suppose knowing oneself to be a humbug is part of the human condition.

It must be hard to be a parent, for example, knowing those kids think you can do anything.

Or to stand at an altar and make outrageous promises to someone you love but whom you WILL let down, no matter what you say today (because, dagnabit, you're selfish!)

What things really help?

- Learning to confess and apologize, quickly and sincerely, when you blow it.
- Avoiding making too many promises; know your own limits.
- Get feedback on anything about which you have doubts, before you act.
- Build a system of checks and balances (so that even when you DON'T have doubts, someone else will catch your questionable behavior).
- Oh yeah, and pray.

Anything else?