Wait, Why Am I Talking?

Which is worse: being in a group discussion where you can't get people to talk, or being in a group discussion where you can't get people to stop talking?

I often find the two conditions occurring simultaneously, which is quite painful.

It feels like being in a small boat caught in a rip tide.

I recently heard a trick I think might improve the conditions by subduing the verbalizers a bit, at least. Before you speak "WAIT."

It's an acronym. Stands for "Why Am I Talking?"

Read more here.

See also: How to Keep a Conversation Alive, and a series of articles on Better Listening Skills.

Moravian Daily Texts

Ever need a kick in the pants to get you thinkin', "Hey, what does the Word of God have to say about this thing I'm dealing with?" Here's something that's helped point me in that direction, even when I get out the habit of cracking open the book itself.

I've long been subscribed to a (human generated) verse of the day service and either read it on email or through my feed aggregator. Lately I've also had the Moravian Church's Daily Texts coming to my inbox.

Not to be all magical about it or anything, but sometimes these things just hit the spot.

Here's Sunday's edition from the Moravians. (I added the links.) It arrived when I was trying to work through a situation that raised all my insecurities.

What does God's Word say? It says he's got his eye on me. I don't need to look out for myself; I'm loved, secure, and free to reach out to other people.

Fourth Sunday after Pentecost
Watchword for the Week

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end.
Lamentations 3:22

Lamentations 3:23-33; Psalm 30
2 Corinthians 8:7-15; Mark 5:21-43

When I think of your ordinances from of old, I take comfort, O Lord.
Psalm 119:52

Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last, and the living one.
Revelation 1:17-18

Gracious God, we thank you for the privilege and opportunity to gather in
worship with all your people. As we draw near to you, seeking your presence, we
pray that you will draw near to us, receiving our offering of faithful service
to your church. Amen.

By the way, I just added a "search this blog" function to my blog. So, if you're wondering what I said about the Moravian church before, type it into the handy-dandy search box and find out!

Forgive Us Our Trespasses...

While I'm pretty clever, my best stuff all comes from recognizing a good idea when I see it, rather than being truly creative or insightful, myself.

All the really fruitful things I've been part of are someone else's idea that somehow I've been in the right place to carry on to completion. With their blessing and encouragement.

As gifts go, I'll take it. I mean, if I can harvest ideas from dozens or hundreds of people whom I know, that's a lot better than just looking in my own head, right? And if I can come alongside other people and help their ideas get out there, and make introductions - to help people connect with each other and with the good ideas - that's a lot better than building a network just around myself.

But sometimes this hunter-gatherer behavior gets me in trouble. I recently publicized and passed around someone else's idea without thoroughly clearing it with him. I didn't really steal his idea; I gave him credit, after all, and wrote and asked him permission to do what I wanted to do with his idea. But I didn't hear back in time, so I plowed ahead without really lining up the permissions I should have had. Oops.

Now I need to figure out how to make an apology without making unnecessary waves.

I do that kind of thing; I cut corners, ethically. Sometimes. More than I should. I'm not a very strict rule-follower. I don't do things by the book, even when I really ought to.

I think that's part of what holds me back from growing in influence and responsibility. Not that people necessarily look at me and say: that girl, she can't be trusted. But I look within and say: that girl, she can't be trusted. So I say no to the promotion or responsibility or whatever it is.

I'd like to see that change. Wouldn't it be nice to have a clear conscience, all the time? To be worthy of the trust people place in us?

I suppose knowing oneself to be a humbug is part of the human condition.

It must be hard to be a parent, for example, knowing those kids think you can do anything.

Or to stand at an altar and make outrageous promises to someone you love but whom you WILL let down, no matter what you say today (because, dagnabit, you're selfish!)

What things really help?

- Learning to confess and apologize, quickly and sincerely, when you blow it.
- Avoiding making too many promises; know your own limits.
- Get feedback on anything about which you have doubts, before you act.
- Build a system of checks and balances (so that even when you DON'T have doubts, someone else will catch your questionable behavior).
- Oh yeah, and pray.

Anything else?

Stargazing

“When you start stargazing with a telescope, two experiences typically ensue,” says Timothy Ferris in the latest issue of National Geographic Magazine.

“First, you are astonished by the view – Saturn’s golden rings, star clusters glittering like jewelry on black velvet, galaxies aglow with gentle starlight older than the human species – and by the realization that we and our world are part of this gigantic system.

“Second, you soon want a bigger telescope.”

Ferris says that three of the world’s largest telescopes sit atop a 14,000-foot peak in Hawaii, where astronomers can see clearly – but not, apparently, think clearly.

It is awfully difficult up where the air is so thin, and when you're there all night. Some of them turn to supplemental oxygen, and all have to be very careful not to make stupid mistakes. “The real thinking goes on at sea level,” reported one scientist.

A few of the telescopes have names that make me laugh, like Chile’s “Very Large Telescope.” The article doesn’t say how big that one is, though it mentions that today’s largest telescopes have mirrors about ten meters (33 feet) in diameter.

Bigger ones are coming, such as the European Extremely Large Telescope, which will have a mirror 42 meters across. This, says Ferris, is “a scaled-down version of the 100-meter Overwhelmingly Large Telescope, which was tabled at the planning stage when its projected budget turned out to be overwhelming too.”

The author sounded more like a philosopher when he said, “A telescope doesn’t just show you what’s out there; it impresses upon you how little you know.”

How often do our inquiries - into science, or art, into systems, people, and cultures - have that same effect?

>> Read the article.

A Strange Cause of Intolerance

Maybe it's part of my rebellious nature, but I like to read history from different and slightly radical points of view - you know, "the untold story," the parts you never heard in your Western Civ. class.

Just now I'm slowly making my way through Philip Jenkins' latest work, The Lost History of Christianity: The Thousand Year Golden Age of the Church in the Middle East, Africa, and Asia - and How It Died.

So many - in both the West and the East - think of Christianity as a Western religion, but in the big picture of things that's quite an aberration. For much more of its history - and likely, its future - Western Christians have been a minority (among Christians). That's a big part of what this book is about.

Here's something though that really raised my eyebrows. In many times and places, for centuries, Christians and Muslims lived in relative peace, but sometime around the end of the thirteenth century that changed. Why do you suppose that is?

"We can identify specific political reasons for the new harshness to Christians. A reaction against Western crusading zeal played some role, but that is not of itself an adequate explanation," says Jenkins.

Turns out intolerance was on the rise, globally, and Christians lands were treating their religious minorities just as badly as Muslim ones were. England expelled all its Jews in 1290 and France followed in 1306; in the next few decades pogroms reached "appalling heights." The papacy formally listed witchcraft as a heresy in 1320. The French trumped up charges to shut down the Knights Templar. Everyone seemed to be hysterical and paranoid. Why?

"If we seek a common factor that might explain this simultaneous scapegoating of vulnerable minorities, by far the best candidate is climate change, which was responsible for many economic changes in these years, and which increased poverty and desperation across the globe.

"Populations had swelled during the warming period between the eleventh and thirteenth centuries. Europe's population more than doubled during these prosperous times, forcing settlers to swarm into marginal lands.

"In the late thirteenth century, however, Europe and the Middle East entered what has been described as the Little Ice Age, as pack ice grew in the oceans, and trade routes became more difficult both by land and by sea. Summers became cooler and wetter, and as harvests deteriorated, people starved. The world could no longer sustain the population it had gained during the boom years... States foundered, kings were murdered, and popular revolts and uprisings became commonplace.

"Whatever the religious coloring of particular societies, this was a world that directly attributed changes in weather or harvest to the divine will, and it seemed natural to blame catastrophes on the misdeeds of deviant minorities who angered God."

Philip Jenkins, The Lost History of Christianity, pp. 135-137

Also reading Jenkins these days, looks like, is a blogger I've been following named Steve Addison.

Refugees, What Is the What, and the US Refugee Resettlement Program

Did you know that Saturday was World Refugee Day? I don't think many in the US gave it much thought since this weekend is also Father’s Day here.

At church, a short-term team gave a report, and a ministry-partner from the Middle East was visiting, and a speaker who works with the poor gave an impassioned plea to the church to do something about the hungry and suffering children of the world. He didn't say anything about refugees, but did make the connection between Father's Day and so many of the world's children growing up without fathers.

It was all too much “missions” for me, to tell you the truth. I swim in this stuff all week long. When I come to church I want worship and Bible teaching. But maybe that’s just me!

Nevertheless, I do seek out this kind of thing on my own.

What Is The What

I’ve been reading Dave Eggers' lightly fictionalized account of the life of a Sudanese refugee. The cover copy sums it up better than I can:

"What Is the What is based on the life of Valentino Achak Deng, who, along with thousands of other children – the so-called Lost Boys – was forced to leave his village in Sudan at the age of seven and trek hundreds of miles by foot, pursued by militias, government bombers, and wild animals, crossing the deserts of three countries to find freedom. When he finally is resettled in the United States, he finds a life full of promise, but also heartache and myriad new challenges."

S. is staying with us for a few days. She picked it up and read the quote on the cover from Khaled Hosseini (author of The Kite Runner):

“It is impossible to read this book and not be humbled, enlightened, and transformed.”

I rose to the bait, of course. “Impossible?! I bet I can do it… and come to work Monday not the least bit 'lightened! Nor humbled, neither!”

But what a world we live in. Such a blend of beauty and pain, goodness and injustice, each so huge at times it seems like that’s all there is in life.

When What Is the What opens, a man and woman have conned their way into Valentino's Atlanta apartment to rob him and beat him up:

"…my cheek resting in its own pooling blood, I know a moment of comfort, thinking that in all likelihood he is finished. Already I am so tired. I feel as if I could close my eyes and be done with this. … So I rest. I close my eyes and rest.

"I am tired of this country. I am thankful for it, yes, I have cherished many aspects of it for the three years I have been here, but I am tired of the promises. I came here, four thousand of us came here, contemplating and expecting quiet. Peace and college and safety. We expected a land without war and, I suppose, a land without misery. We were giddy and impatient. We wanted it all immediately….

"I have held too many menial jobs… Too many have fallen, too many feel they have failed. The pressures upon us, the promises we cannot keep with ourselves, these things are making monsters of too many of us."

What Is the What, pp. 7-8

What Can Be Done?

One of my ezine subscribers recently wrote to me,

"Please pray for the US refugee resettlement program, which is badly underfunded and in crisis at this time. While this humanitarian program is meant to rescue and provide stateside protection for those who cannot return safely to their home countries due to a well-founded fear of persecution based on their religion, ethnicity, nationality or political opinion, the funding for the program falls so far below the needs to actually stabilize new arrivals once they are here in the US that we now see many refugees precariously close to eviction or homelessness in the US after only a few months here. This just isn't right.

"I have worked with refugees for more than 30 years, and have never seen the program closer to implosion than it is now, nor have I seen so many heartbreaking cases of refugees facing homelessness in their new country before they even have a chance to learn the language, learn how to use public transportation, or get reliable work (increasingly impossible in this economy.) Yet the numbers of arrivals continue to increase.

"No one wants to see the refugees remain in danger in their homelands of the neighboring countries to which they have fled. Yet the US government must invest more resources in the program if we are to do justice to those we bring to this country. Currently, the non-profit agencies that have agreements with the Dept. of State to resettle refugees receive just $900 per refugee to resettle them. This must cover the security deposit and first month's rent on an apartment, furnishings for the apartment (all the way from beds and tables to towels, bedding, lamps, etc.) PLUS the staff time to provide orientation to life in the US and take the refugee to appointments at the health dept., English classes, Social Security, Social Services, etc. Many idealistic young college grads take these positions - and soon become burned out. This is a shame.

"Currently, most refugees are arriving from Burma, Bhutan, and Iraq."

To get a picture of ways you can make a difference for refugees, read Mary Pipher's The Middle of Everywhere: The World's Refugees Come to Our Town.

Can't Complain

Writing a “team covenant” is a fairly common practice in this whole short-term mission biz in which I work (at least, in which I do some of my work).

So I was not surprised that the practice was given time and attention during the 3.5-day general STM orientation I was part of last week.

Seemed like most teams followed the lead of the staff by including statements in their covenant about how they were going to interact with each other through the course of the summer, like giving each other the benefit of the doubt, resolving conflicts quickly, going to the person you have a problem with instead of talking behind their back, and so on.

Sounds good. Maybe it would be hard to abide by, but everyone could agree that that was best and having put it down on paper would help them strive for it.

But there’s one bit I’m not sure how to evaluate... Two words it sounded like they were all putting in their team covenants:

“No complaining.”

Is it just me or is that asking a lot? Potentially abusive? The kind of thing, if interpreted strictly, that could isolate people and keep them from being able to deal with and grow through their struggles and frustrations?

On one hand, you don't want people feeling like it's perfectly OK to question every decision or to judge their leader and hosts and drag everyone down. Grumbling can be really destructive; we should, instead, look for opportunities to be flexible, to cultivate gratitude, to guard our hearts and relationships, to see why things might be the way they are and try to accept them.

But could you sign a covenant promising absolutely no complaining for 8-10 weeks? What if you were living in a radically different culture that you didn’t understand and doing things that you’ve never done before, fighting sickness and culture shock, and probably coming face to face with your deepest weaknesses and fears?

I don't know.

I didn't, uh, complain about the matter. I'm not sure I could defend my doubts persuasively, or come up with any more realistic suggestions along the same line.

Maybe those words, "Don't complain," are fine, just as they are. Teams can flesh them out as they see fit.

I did come up with one suggestion: I encouraged people to consider a journal/prayer diary as a good place to vent, rather than, say, breaking away to write long desperate emails to your most sympathetic friend back home, or yelling at your teammates. (Same catharsis, less debris.)

Those pesky verses from Philippians 2 kept coming to mind... "Do everything without complaining or arguing" (2:14; see it in context here).