Thank you thank you thank you

Here's a good example of the kind of emails I like to get. You probably do, too. This one showed up in my in-box Friday morning.

"O my goodness. I cannot believe that you finished ________! Wow. Awesome. ... Thank you thank you thank you for all of the time and energy you put into that ...

"Marti, you have been such an encouragement to me. Thank you. You are wonderful.

"And you were right about _________. I have found that it makes a huge difference. [concrete example here] I am encouraged. And even in the past couple of days I have thought of ways I can change certain things for the better ...

"Thanks for reading, Marti! Hope you have a wonderful day today."

My friend Elizabeth wrote this. She's very much an encourager. (Can you tell?!) She's also very open to input from others. So, it's easy for me to bless her and make a difference in her life, too.

The circumstances of our relationship don't hurt. Elizabeth is about half my age, and she's overseas this summer doing work for which I trained her. We spent a good bit of time together last summer, and she confided in me about her hopes and struggles, and I've shared some of my own with her as well.

Now she's back on the field, leading a group of people who, for the most part, have not done this kind of work before. She doesn't have a lot of people she can turn to for feedback and affirmation. It isn't surprising that she'd be particular responsive to any helpful words I send her way.

Her expressions of gratitude are not due, then, to me being so wise and wonderful. They are more due to Liz being in a vulnerable situation, and to her being so tender, and open, and in the habit of speaking words that bless and encourage.

I could learn a lot about affirmation from paying attention to how Elizabeth does things.

* * *

I don't have a knack for encouraging. I'm more of a trouble-shooter, the kind of person who points out nuances or problems or issues that others might not see. That can be good, too. But my skills in encouragement are not so sharp.

This year I've tried to keep my message to Elizabeth and her team pretty simple. I think it's getting through. What I have to say to them is this:

"You can do it!"

I bet I could put THOSE words to use in more places, too.

I've been thinking a bit about resilience, lately. What is it that develops in people the kind of flexibility and endurance that can see them through ambiguous and changing situations, and remain content?

One thing my scanty research* has turned up is that it's good to have high expectations. I've often heard that if you want to do well, cross-culturally, you need to be willing to go into it without any expectations, or with low expectations. I have never known how to do that, or how to teach other people how to do that.

But the people who research psychological resilience seem to say that on the contrary, high expectations are helpful. People rise to the occasion when they feel empowered, when they believe that others have high expectations from them and expect them to do well.

The people who get beat up in crises are those who feel helpless and incompetent. So, the message "You can do this!" equips people to cut their way through the emotional jungles.

Have you seen this in your own life? Who is there in your life that says to you, "You can do it!" Have you had a parent, teacher, pastor, mentor, or friend who spoke those words into your life?

* Yes, that's right, I looked in Wikipedia - shh! But this entry looks pretty solid.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_resilience

Blog Reader's Digest

Technologies to create a stream of news and entertainment tailored to one's own taste are not only easy to find, they become (driven by the needs of advertisers) hard to avoid.

I have more than 80 subscriptions in my Google Reader account, mostly blogs. Some of these bloggers write just a few times a year; others have probably stopped, but I keep them there just in case they post again.

Many are personal friends; some are friends of friends. Others are colleagues and former colleagues, contacts through work.

And some just write really well, and/or write about things that interest me. I have pretty catholic tastes; I'm interested in hearing what other people are interested in.

A growing number of the blogs I read are written by people I've never met face to face - like the three I'm about to mention.

Here are a few recent well-written posts I've enjoyed. Thought you might as well.

• Jon Swanson - who writes both 300 Words a Day and Levite Chronicles - just posted "No wonder we are confused." It deals with different ways we rest, or grieve. Good stuff, and helps me push guilt and judgment a little further back on the shelf of my mind.
  
  
• A man with whom I collaborated on a project a few years ago - he blogs very rarely, and prefers to remain nameless in unprotected cyberspace - offers "Hero or Narcissus." (Might the recent death of a controversial celebrity have come to mind as he was composing it?)
  
  
• Molly often writes about raising kids. True, my life does not include that, but since when do you have to live in someone else's world to appreciate it? I enjoyed her recent "The 'You Are Stoopid' Love and Why It Wins."

Mexico, Honduras

It's easy for me to look at world events in a somewhat distant, maybe overly Calvinist way - recognizing that struggles and suffering are part of life and sometimes the very means of bringing growth and opportunity.

In other words, I don't get easily upset by world problems.

But then people's first-hand account will bring me up short.

For example (without really thinking about it) I've been sort of pleased to see the violence in Mexico keeping our local churches from flooding the Mexican border towns with well-intentioned (but sometimes ill-advised) short-term service teams.

Yet listen to Leo, in Cd. Juarez; he's one of the ezine subscribers I recently contacted with a blanket email soliciting prayer requests. Turns out his ministry has really relied on those teams coming from America.

Now they struggle just to survive:

"We have 3 orphanages, one recovery center for adults, one Teen Shelter for teens on drugs, an old folks house, and many more ministries. Due to the violence, many groups that used to help us by doing missionary trips, have almost disapeared. We are struggluling to stay open and specially fighting to keep our of this war that has afected many loved ones. People are dying by the hundreds and everyone is advicing that we leave Mexico, but we will not, we will be faithfull to our call. Please pray for us, for we are trully working on a war zone. This recession is really affecting the core of the ministry. Please pray."

And what about this coup in Honduras?

I read a story in Mission Network News that reported that lots of people from the US are having to cancel or pull out their staff, summer interns, or short-term teams.

But (as MNN's article pointed out) how do such things affect the most vulnerable of those they serve, the poorest of the poor? As always, they pay the highest price. Without someone feeding them, they may not eat. Without water, or electricity, their children sicken and die.

Celebrity Christians, Religious Myths, and AA's 12 Steps

In his sermon last weekend my pastor addressed some of the recent episodes of moral failure among high-profile Christians, and how media and believers have been responding.

He mentioned Miss California, recently de-frocked (if you'll forgive the pun), that governor who ran off to Argentina for an affair, and "Jon and Kate" from "reality" TV.

I'm not very oriented toward the world of celebrity. While I was aware of all those stories, had not been focused on them or thinking of any of them as being representative of Christianity. But apparently all of them have been seen that way.

The pastor said the ways people have been responding show how often we buy into several popular Christian myths.... I don't remember exactly how he summed them up, but it was something like this:

1. That if we Christians just try really hard, we're going to become good people; that there's nothing we can't do if we work at it hard enough.
2. That if enough Christians become good enough, the societies we live in are going to get better, restoring our civilization to its rightful place as a light for the world.
   
3. That our tendency to mess everything up, instead, is a huge setback for God's plans.

Of course, it's not only Christians who make these mistakes. Other religionists and humanists alike can fall into such traps.

None of those myths is true. The truth of the gospel is more along the lines of AA's 12 steps. The more we realize this, the more we'll be able to get in touch with real freedom and change. Just look at the first three steps.

1. We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood God.

Sounds a lot more sane, doesn't it? Of course, there are still nine more steps. But if you don't start with the foundation of these three, how well do they work?

June Reading Roundup

June was a big reading month for some reason. Some of what I read was serious and had to be read slowly and chewed on; some of it was light and fluffy and I swallowed it whole.

The Lost History of Christianity, by Philip Jenkins

While many people in both the East and the West now associate Christianity with its Jesus-to-Paul-to-Rome-to-Europe-to-the-colonies trajectory, that’s only a small part of the story. Christianity existed and often flourished in non-Western context long before the Europe discovered the nations. This interesting volume is full of stories from the early churches of Asia, Africa, and the Middle East. It pulls together much little-known history, spreads it out on the table, and looks for patterns. Not an easy read, but like all the Jenkins books I’ve read, I’d recommend this one highly.

Behind the Scenes of the New Testament, by Paul Barnett

Barnett, an Anglican Bishop in Australia, looks at the cultures and context of the New Testament characters, places, and events, helping readers to appreciate and interpret the writings, and in analyzing both the writings themselves and other historical documents, provides a mild apologetic for trusting the contents and the theologies that arose from them over the years.

Annie John, by Jamaica Kincaid

This short coming-of-age novel sees the title character from her wonder-filled childhood in Antigua through the confusion of adolescence to the brink of adulthood, exploring the topics of death, friendships, religion, disappointment, and independence. It’s the sort of books the critics would call “luminous,” which means it’s beautifully written, creative, and a bit sad and wrenching.

What Is the What, by Dave Eggers

The intense, apparently only slightly fictionalized account of one of the “Lost Boys” of Sudan, including both life in Africa and his life in America; I also wrote about this here.

I also read a couple of children’s books, the first several in L. Frank Baum’s series: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, The Marvelous Land of Oz, Ozma of Oz, and Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz.

“Marvelous Land” is a hilarious tall tale/satire. I’d forgotten. There are definitely some bits that would be quite politically incorrect, today, and the ending was a bit shocking. These are all in the public domain, so I read them in ebook versions on my computer (starting when I was stuck at the Savannah airport for several hours). Here's one of my favorite lines:

The Scarecrow sighed. "In an emergency," he announced, "it is always a good thing to pause and reflect. Please excuse me while I pause and reflect." The Marvelous Land of Oz, p. 101.

Hannah Grace, and Long Journey Home, by Sharlene MacLaren

Fair-to-middlin’ “Christian” fiction. “Home” is a contemporary novel about a single mom coming out an abusive marriage and falling for the guy who moves into the apartment next door; “Hannah” is a turn-of-the-century novel set in a small western town that, imagine this, just got a new sheriff. Both have that romance-writer-turns-Christian-novelist feeling; e.g., the main characters steal passionate kisses even when they are not sure they trust each other and somebody might be involved with someone else? But of course (I’m not spoiling anything, am I?) guess who ends up engaged at the end. Maybe I should limit my exposure to this genre!

Tea Time for the Traditionally Built, by Alexander McCall Smith

In this most recent installment of the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency, the eccentricities of Mma Makutsi (Precious Ramotswe's assistant) stood out to me. I both thought, "I am like her," and "I am sometimes surrounded by people like her": "having all those peculiar ideas and insisting on them." Here’s a taste:

"Have you noticed? We are becoming lazy…. These days nobody knows how long it takes to walk anywhere because we have stopped walking, Mma. … and here’s another thing. Have you heard of evolution? Well, what will happen if we all carry on being lazy like this and drive everywhere? I can tell you, Mma. We shall start to grow wheels. That is what evolution is all about… Oh yes. Our fingers have evolved so that we can do things like typing. That is well known. Why should our legs not evolve in the same way? They will become circular, I think, and they will turn round and round. That is what will happen, Mma, if we are not careful.”

Of course, as Mma Ramostwe recognizes, there is always a grain of truth, sometimes more, in Mma Makutsi’s opinions.

Also read another novel which Alexander McCall Smith wrote as a newspaper serial, and the whole thing is online. It’s called Corduroy Mansions. Check it out.

Buckingham Palace Garden, by Anne Perry

I hadn’t read any Anne Perry mysteries for a long time and did not remember them to be so dark. Her books are set in Victorian times, and in this one the less-than-admirable Prince Edward finds himself in trouble when a prostitute he has hired is found dead, the next morning, in the linen closet. It’s up to our detective, Thomas Pitt, and his maid Gracie (who takes on a job in the palace), to figure out what happened.

Dead and Berried, by Karen MacInerney

Cozy if not highly original tale about a single woman who likes to cook and runs a B&B, dating a man in law enforcement, and of course seems to get herself in the darnedest scrapes. Set on an island in Maine. Charming stuff.

Love/Hate Relationships - Got Any?

I love my Internet life - sending and receiving email, blogs and blogging, social networking, finding and sharing information, etc. For a writer and resource-connector, it's bliss.

But so much energy goes into these wonderful long-distance relationships, while my close relationships remain weak, and I start to feel like the Internet has taken over my life.

So, some days (especially when I've been at the office too late) I'll leave the laptop at the office or in the car. Not knowing if anyone has written to me and not being able to "check" the various things I'm in the habit of checking can be disconcerting.

Yet when I'm less connected I'm also less fragmented.

I need those breaks to learn how to be whole. I used to fast from radio, newspapers, magazines, and novels, one day a week, too. I haven't tried that in some time; living in such silence sounds so difficult!

So, the internet? I have a love/hate relationship with it. It's a tremendous tool, opportunity, blessing - and a big time-sapper, soul-sucker, distraction, bane.

Do you feel the same way?

What other things are, to you, a blessing and a bane?

Denver foliage, drought-free summer