Monday, March 26, 2012

Personal Update - Preparing for Married Life

If you're interested - or even if you're not! - things are rolling along with my preparations for the married life.

Wedding - countdown, 61 days:
  1. We picked out Chris's wedding band, had it resized, and got it back. 
  2. We ordered the wedding invites. They came while I was on the road. Need to make an insert to include with them as well as buy stamps, work on addresses. Mail them next week?
  3. The fire dept. offered to pick up a big chunk of the cost for Chris's pricy Class A uniform, bringing the cost down to a more affordable level. In fact, it will cost us less than my dress. 
  4. Still waiting, nervously, for news our bridesmaid dresses have shipped from Singapore. 
  5. Finally met the best man. Well, he's more than a-guy-who's-going-to-be-in-our-wedding, I need to look at him as "Chris's good friend." But the first thing I noticed was that he's tall enough to tower over the rest of the wedding party. (Maybe he could kneel...?)
  6. I said no to glamor, bought some cute ballet flats to wear with my wedding dress. ($12!)
  7. I have a time and place for a bridal shower in Denver (April 28). Now, need to book tickets and make a list of people to invite (and/or other people to see while I'm there?)
House - our new home by the hazelnut orchard!
  1. On Friday we heard that our rental application was accepted - though they decided to increase the amount of our deposit by 53% since we're not - individually - rich enough to seem a good risk. Dang!
  2. Today we go to the bank for a $2000 cashier's check to show them we want it anyway.
  3. Final inspection this week, then they'll let us come sign the papers and get the keys. Not sure when that will happen. Would like to empty out my storage unit this month and start getting the place furnished for Chris and the kids, very soon. Yes, it seems best to us that they get out of his folks' house first, whereas I am happy to stay with R&L as long as they will keep me. They get back into town April 5 and I'll be happy to have housemates again! When the kids are with Chris, though (two weeks of each month) I'm going to have to take more responsibilities as chauffeur and cook, roles Chris's mom has been playing more often than not. Grandma is very sweet about it, but I think she needs a break!  
  4. Saturday we bought a set of new mattresses for the bed. Will pick them up once we have house keys.
  5. Sunday we found a good price on a comfortable couch and chairs for our living room. Quantities limited, but we'll go to the other store today and try to buy them and take them to his sister's place where she said we can keep them in the garage for a few days.
  6. Next up, a dining room table and chairs. Saw some we like but think we ought to get the other stuff in there first before we decide on the size and style for a table. The new place does have a kitchen bar & barstools which will do for a start.
  7. I'm trying not to stress out about how we're going to fit what we have/need in this tiny house. Four people (sometimes). One working from home. 1100 square feet. Once we get the keys we can go in and measure. I have this hutch/mirror thing that's been in my family a while and may need to be stashed in the garage, darn it. And need to find a spot (or spots) for those five bookcases of books... 
Mawwage, a Dweam within a Dweam...

Although our attempts to meet with our designated premarital counselor keep hitting snags, we've tried to be proactive about talking and working through what we believe to be the usual stuff! I'd rather have some third-party help on this, but maybe in the end it's more important that we can work on our marriage, together. So that's what we've been trying to do. Money, sex, parents, kids, and more.

Some of you know I'm not a fan of the now-you're-getting-married books and teachings that have a big emphasis on "men are like this, women are like that." You don't have to look far to find folks who fit into any given stereotype, but nor do you have to look far to find those who don't. Sometimes just the mirror...

Knowing there's some good stuff in these kind of books, though, I had my eyes open for some kind of strategy for finding and talking about the bits that really do describe Chris and me. So on our drives to and from Portland recently we talked through my friend David Mays' "book notes" on these two volumes (without taking the time to read the actual books at this point!):

For Men Only: A straightforward guide to the inner lives of women

For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men

Each book hit hard on several points that describe each of us to a T - as well as several that don't fit us at all. Have any of you read them?


Justin Long said...

Both of the books are fantastic and among the best marriage books that Heidi & I have ever read (in my opinion). Well worth the read. (There's also a "for parents only" book). Additionally, there's another book called "His Needs, Her Needs" ( which I have found useful as well. We read the Love Languages stuff early on and some of that was helpful, but I think these three books are REALLY good (if not always comfortable).

shantjoy2 said...

Joel counsels with "When Sinners Say "I Do"", and often has already married people read it.