Sense of Reality / Sense of Humor

Went to see Michael Card in concert last night - man, it was good. Deep, artful music, played by a guy who seems humble, thoughtful, and authentic. Although it was a Christmas concert, the performance and commentary really seemed to emphasize that hey, life is tough; as human beings we often feel trapped, alone, or misunderstood. In coming to us as he did, Christ entered that world – his birth announced to people on the fringes of society – his body wrapped in rags – his purpose and message, as he grew, often misunderstood – his grace, so often rejected. Michael Card has written a couple books about lamenting, and now he's working on one about slavery. Not exactly 'positive and encouraging' stuff that so often comes out of the Christian subculture...

Anyway, I particularly appreciated the Michael Card concert because the two Christmas-oriented events I'd been part of the day before left something to be desired. One was intensely religious and just downright weird; the other was – well...

I'm part of a group I'm struggling with. The individuals in the group are not bad one-on-one, but you know how every group has sort of a culture of its own? And with this group, I really don't like how the culture is developed. There's lots of joking around. That ought to be a good thing; humor can be a powerful tool to bring people together. And maybe that's what some people feel is happening. But to me it seems just the opposite. It seems like junior high – a bunch of insecure people posturing for one another.

The jokes are almost all a bit gross, cruel, demeaning, or, mostly, downright stupid. I don't think my instincts are off on this - that really everything is OK and I need to just accept it. But on the other hand, if a big part of what is bugging me is sense of humor – that’s a highly subjective thing, isn't it? We talk about people who have a ‘great sense of humor’ as opposed to ‘no sense of humor’ but is it fair to say some people may have ‘a bad sense of humor’?

Do the trends I’m fighting have anything to with the fact that the group’s dominant personalities are all men? They seem to hide behind that ("We can take cheap shots at each other and tell gross-out stories because we're men and that's the way we are.") I find gender stereotypes really annoying and don’t like people to put gender-related expectations on me (for example, I don’t like to have people make a big deal about noticing and mentioning how I look, or expect me to like shopping or organizing things). I want to be treated like a person, not just a woman. So, I don't want to say, this isn't a problem because boys will be boys.

On the other hand in many cases the stereotypes can be tools to help us understand and appreciate one another – just because they aren’t one-size-fits-all doesn’t mean there’s nothing there. So I don’t want to dismiss them all together.

Meanwhile, I’m longing for wholesome and intelligent conversation, and for whatever reason, it’s often not to be found in this context. And unfortunately it's not a group I can extract myself from, not without great cost. So, it's hard to socialize with them.

Sigh. It's possible that if I am faithful to love the people in the group, over time it will become more the kind of group I want to be part of. But I'll admit I have a hard time being committed to loving the group, and if I can't do that, I don't think I can be part of the solution.