Songbook

O the deep, deep love of Jesus / vast, unmeasured, boundless, free

My hope is built on nothing less / Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness

Be still my soul / The Lord is on your side / leave to your God / To order and provide

There’s nothing like a song or scripture in my head to keep me focused on truth and protected against lies, discouragement, or fear. So lately I’ve enjoyed browsing through an old songbook that includes the words quoted above - also, of course, found many other places! It’s a 1972 edition of Young Life’s publication, “Songs.” Remember it? The little paperback, brown cover?

This may bring it back:

From mountains high cool waters flow / the singing breeze, green meadows grow / Shine tall pine trees, blue skies above / Are all expressions of my Lord’s love / And this one God who made all these / Is interested in you and me / His greatest gift is to make men free / New self, more life, abundantly!

The edition I sang from in the mid-1980s may have been a bit different from this one, but not much. It features lots of Yohann Anderson, John Fisher, and the like: Jesus music.

It also includes a lot of not-so-Jesus-y artists like Bob Dylan, John Denver, and the Beatles. And lots of folk music and pop songs from the 60s and before. They were pretty hip tunes at the time. I remember learning most of them by hearing them stream from the little yellow transistor radio which my mom carried from the kitchen to the garden. Now you can only hear them on the oldies station...

With its mix of Christian and secular music, new song and old ones, often with a new flavor, this book was pretty contextualized to its audience. Though perhaps open to the charge of syncretism. "Puff the Magic Dragon" and "Blessed Be the Tie That Binds" make strange bedfellows. I wouldn’t mind singing “In Christ There Is No East or West” to the tune of “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing” (try it!) but “A Mighty Fortress” to the suggested alternate tune of - oh this makes me laugh - “Come on Baby Light My Fire”? Hmm. Would Ol’ Martin Luther be rolling - or rocking and rolling - in his grave?

I wonder if something like this exists that is more contemporary, a compact words-only songbook, with songs I know, old and new? Or are we too far beyond the days of people sitting around with a guitar just singing for this to be relevant? Of course it would be quite easy now to make my own, and maybe a good devotional exercise.

I’d also experience the same fun and encouragement by enlarging my collection of worship-music CDs but it is hard knowing where to start. Any suggestions? What are you listening to and loving, lately?

Attitudes toward a Crisis

This weekend S. (pictured), M., and I did about 15 hours of training for the short-term mission leaders in a local church. We were using a program called CultureLink. None of us had previous experience with this curriculum, although we have lots of experience with short-term mission teams. As part of preparations for my Saturday session on cultural understanding I picked up the classic book by Lingenfelter and Mayers, “Ministering Cross-Culturally.” You never learn so much as when you have to teach! The authors use a model that plots individuals and cultures on six scales. One of the scales was particularly helpful as I look at the storm we’ve been caught in at work. It describes how different people respond to danger, risk and crisis. Those following what the authors call a ‘crisis orientation’ will believe that -

“Crises should be avoided when at all possible, and careful planning done to anticipate problems. [They] seek out expert advice and are single-minded in applying that advice when they face crises. When a crisis does arise, they work rapidly to resolve the issue. Further, once they have identified an efficient procedure, they use it repeatedly rather than try something new or different.”

On the other hand, those who follow a ‘non-crisis orientation’ behave quite differently:

“Their brand of crisis management is experience-oriented, choosing from multiple procedures and options. Such persons decide between alternatives that emerge from each new situation, and their style of management is open-ended. They can tolerate considerable ambiguity in their lives and do not push people or situations to an early resolution of conflict or decisions. Further, seeing themselves as qualified by their own experience to manage each situation they are skeptical of experts.”

For example, the Micronesian culture within which one of the authors was working was typically non-crisis oriented, whereas the Coast Guard station on the other side of the island was crisis-oriented. You can imagine the military approach: they put a lot of energy into anticipating what could go wrong and have rigid plans to make sure they are prepared for it. The Micronesians can be trained to do that, but it would not be their normal response:

“Yapese response to typhoons will serve as an illustration. From their experience the Yapese know that far more warnings than actual storms come to Yap. Further, when a storm does come its direction determines its major effects. … they tackle the problems unique to each storm, protecting material possessions most immediately effected.”

Well, mission agencies attract people with both orientations. Each can cause tensions. If the manager has a non-crisis orientation, crisis-oriented people will get frustrated and may eventually leave because of the stress and lack of predictability; to them the leaders seem to be taking foolish risks. If the manager has a crisis-orientation, those who cannot work within the confines of the plan may be overruled or dismissed; the non-crisis-oriented people who work for them may see them as rigid and putting the project before the people.

Everyone assumes that his or her perspective on how to respond to a threat or crisis is the right one. It’s easy to start accusing someone who comes at it from a different angle as not having faith, or not being responsible.

I tend to be non-crisis-oriented but am fairly close to the middle. I hate wasting time making plans that are never put into effect. When we brought in a crisis-oriented manager who required us to put detailed, measurable plans in place many months in advance I felt like we were writing fiction (as it happened we were). I like to look at things much more holistically and adjust the plans according to the realities of the situation. But sometimes under pressure my orientation switches: I reach the point where I can’t take any more ambiguity or ill-placed optimism. I have a hard time trusting someone who seems out of touch with “reality,” and get frustrated by those who would disregard deadlines and standards and move ahead in spite of clearly defined danger. Which orientation is right and which is wrong? Well, since we're talking about culture, you probably know the answer:

“Crisis-oriented and non-crisis-oriented people have much to contribute to each other, but this can be accomplished only when there is an attitude of mutual understanding and acceptance.”

Transition to Pioneers Begins

It sounds funny to say so but since being laid off almost two weeks ago I’ve been too busy working to have much time to myself. So now that the two big public-speaking commitments of the month are behind me I am taking a real day off to rest and think and maybe ‘feel’ my feelings about the strange developments of recent weeks and months.

Dave M. asks what my plans are… I now have provisional employment with Pioneers. They have all my papers in and gave me a ministry account. Of course it’s empty at present! But now I can begin inviting my donors to give again for March. Unlike many of my colleagues, I got a larger-than-usual February paycheck, so I’m doing OK financially even though March will likely be low. And I’m very blessed that there is a way for us to continue on doing the work that we love and keep at least some of our ministry commitments.

About ten of us will be staying at 10 W Dry Creek Circle and opening up under the new flag on Thursday, March 1. I am hoping to get my office keys back this week! We still have a lot of questions about if this is going to work, and how, but at least it will provide a way for us to continue our projects through the spring. I have some writing to work on, and things to file and organize. I need to find and establish a new delivery system for our e-Magazine, and we have another ethnography training coming up in March.

I also plan to take a leave of absence of five or six weeks to go to England and Kazakhstan and figure out if I can and should leave the single life behind, marry Tom, and move to Central Asia – possibly before the calendar year is up. And that might change everything!

Doug Lucas on I-360

Click here and scroll to the bottom for reflections - some of them painful - about our closing down. I'm blessed by his words about our impact over the years.

May 14, 2008 - Note to web surfers: For some reason this is the first page to pop up when anyone Googles the name of the short-lived ministry that succeeded the CP/ACMC merger, and that doesn't seem appropriate. So I'm going to edit these references to make them less findable. If you end up here anyway and want to know what happened, it's OK for you to read my blog; it is public. But I wrote a short summary that's more of an official word about the matter, here.

What Went Wrong at I-360?

I'm sure there's more than one way to look at it! But click on the link above for a thoughtful analysis from our colleague David Mays.

Material World

February 21, 2007: Sky Harbor Airport, Phoenix, Arizona - Was expecting to fly back to Denver this morning but my flight was cancelled. I’m booked on another in a couple hours which will take me home via Los Angeles. So I have an extra window of time for rest and reflection, if not one of my choosing. Thank you, Lord, for this gift.

I was here to teach a couple of Perspectives classes. It has also been good to meet some new people and hear their stories, catch up with my old friend Meg, and make a visit to the mission agency Frontiers which has a brand-new headquarters here. And yes, it was good to get away from the continuing eddies - some of them rather fierce - that are following the sinking of our organizational ship - to hang out with people who are in a healthier place.

Here's an observation. I’ve noticed that most houses in the Phoenix area have a very large ‘footprint.’ Spacious homes, adjoined by patios and pools, stretch across sprawling lots as if spreading themselves as far as they can, hugging the clay and earth to stay cool, perhaps.

And here's a response: I like staying with people when I travel but there is one attendant risk, or danger - the temptation of house envy.

What I actually envy has changed over the years. The place I stayed this week wasn’t unusually charming or interesting (like the Victorian place my friend Ann used to have, with all the antiques and the secret room).

This time it was the ample cupboard space in the kitchen; sure aroused my desire. Ah, to say goodbye to the clatter of pots and pans early in the morning when I’m trying to put things away in our crowded kitchen cupboards, or the frustration of being unable to find a lid!

And the room-sized clothes closet behind those shiny mirrored doors in the master bath? I want it! Then I could hang all my clothes instead of keeping many of them folded on shelves to be pawed through and refolded impatiently, all the time; I don’t have enough room in my closet and no room for a dresser. So sometimes I have trouble finding anything that isn’t wrinkled.

There are considerable benefits to having a small house, restrictions on how much one can acquire, and a low cost of living. I like living simply: traveling light through this world. But this jealousy has overtaken me before. As a single woman missionary-type, I sometimes find myself slipping into self-pity, envying my married friends their collections of soft towels, drawers of matching spoons, and the chance to sleep - every night - in a bed that’s more than four feet across.

One thing that has helped is to confess it.

Then, it helps to take a good look at what it is that I want and ask if it's something I need to just say "no" to, something I can enjoy without needing to possess, or something I can actually get for myself and have without feeling guilty or extravagant.

So: yes, now I do have the matching spoons - and forks and knives to go with them. And I tell you, that gives me considerable satisfaction.

Laid Off, Expecting a Job Offer

In the latest development in our organizational saga, I was laid off on Tuesday. No kidding. I hadn’t done anything wrong; I’d been faithful, honest, productive, and hardworking, and brought in a lot more money than I spent. People like me and respect me. But I had to say my thank-yous and goodbyes, tell my friends where to find me, close down my email account, turn in my keys, and be out by 5:00 pm.

And the stranger thing was that this happened to all but a skeleton crew of my colleagues. So I guess the way I started this story is a bit misleading. My being laid off was not the real development. We were all laid off. The Board of Directors of our ministry, Initiative360, met on Monday night and made the decision to close down us down. It will take some time to wrap up administrative business but all operations were to cease at the end of the next business day.

Many of us knew this was coming. The hemorrhaging of staff, donations, and morale was just too much; the financial crisis and loss of leadership had crippled us to the point where we were not going to make it. Personally, I was bracing for an announcement that the curtains would fall on us March 1.

I’d accepted that we were not going to make it, but closing down shop immediately felt like ripping off fresh scabs. Tuesday was such a difficult day! I think everyone in the office that day was crying. But the immediate shutdown also had several advantages:

• Staff members are now free to look for and accept other employment without coercion, and without being, seeming, or feeling disloyal.
  
  
• Staff members are no longer in the awkward position of encouraging their supporters to keep giving without much confidence the funds will be used as intended. The organization can return donations received after February 13.
  
  
• The assets of the organization can now be reassigned/sold. In fact, tonight the Board of Directors is meeting again to consider several generous offers from like-minded organizations interested in seeing what we do continue. Staff members, while free to decide on their own where to go, will in many cases be receiving offers from these other ministries to apply for and step back into their jobs in a matter of days.

So, here’s the paradox. Initiative360 is in the process of closing down, not assuming liability for any activities, and all the people have been laid off, yet many of the services Initiative360 has been offering will continue with little interruption! And, in the same way, many of the staff should be able to continue to receive funds and salary with little loss as they quickly transition.

Yes, we’re starting over.

Before I go into that, I should say that another benefit of having the organization close down is the opportunity we will now have to step back and figure out what went wrong. I have a good idea about some of the things that will come up in the post-mortem, but it will bring some closure and satisfaction to be able to talk about these things and learn from them, even if we don’t fully agree on which decisions were good ones and which were not, what was cause and what was effect, and which of the disastrous results were inevitable and which were not. Especially as we try to continue in similar ministries, I think we need to know this!

Up until now the legal issues, the (legitimate) fear of pointing fingers, and the uncertainty of the future made it difficult to have conversations that were simultaneously inclusive, open, and meaningful. Perhaps it could not have been any other way. But it’s been very frustrating for the staff not to be told why certain actions were taken or what they meant, and to be pushed down one path only to be told by the next person who came along that we were all wrong and should be on another.

Some of those of us who have been around for a while have felt that the ministry we joined has been disappearing and being replaced by another for years. So it’s a heartbreaking loss but a relief, as well, to say that it is over.

What This Looks Like for Me

About 20 of us, mostly former Caleb Project employees, have expressed interest in staying together and coming under the auspices of a respected ministry based in Florida. Pioneers has put in a generous offer to take over many of the organization’s assets, including programs, equipment, publications, and intellectual property. Like other like-minded missionary sending agencies, they don’t want to see all the things we have been about for years just disappear. They see value in our programs, products, relationships, and experience. Several of their top leaders flew out a week or two ago to initiate conversations. For the sake of continuity these talks have been accelerated and I’m expecting a deal to come together tonight.

While many staff are saying goodbye and going other directions – one source of the many tears on Tuesday – a bunch of my closest co-workers and I will likely be filling out applications and other paperwork this weekend and soon become members of the Pioneers staff. Ministry accounts for us will be opened as soon as possible, we will call all our former supporters inviting them to give through Pioneers, and we’ll be on the payroll starting March 1 to do basically the same things we were before. Our health benefits coverage will be carried by Initiative360 through the end of March.

I am grateful for the sacrifice of leaders at Pioneers, on our leadership team, and on our board of directors to see these plans come through quickly. It’s pretty amazing.

At the same time, there are some big risks in rushing ahead. Will you take these to prayer?

One, as I mentioned, is the risk of repeating and perpetuating the same mistakes. Are the things we do really what people want and are willing to be part of? What in our old ways of doing things needs to be preserved, and what needs to change? Can we get by without some of the resources to which we had access before?

Do we really know if we fit in with the Pioneers values and culture? If we just go on as a relatively autonomous group within the organization, will we be missing a lot of opportunities to connect with the wisdom and resources there? If we slow down and try to become more fully integrated – like, say, relocating to Florida – will we lose more staff and run into too many differences and lose what makes our ministry effective?

And what about all the staff we have who do not raise their own support? Some have already left and been laid off. But a significant chunk of the people on the list of those who want to go to Pioneers are those we call ‘organizationally funded.’ The increasing number of people in this category in our ministry in recent years, hired in anticipation that we were going to grow and needed support structures in place for that growth, was probably one of the big things that brought us down. Not the main thing, but a significant factor. Our overhead expenses were out of control. So how can we keep that from happening? Can we afford to keep these people on? Can we continue without them? If we take them temporarily and can’t keep them down the road are we just going to go through all this again?

Time will tell. Please pray for wisdom and grace as we move forward.

Although following the stuff I have been working on to Pioneers seems the best path to me, I will look at least briefly into some other options, such as joining two families who will be working under the ministry of Frontiers. It just happens I’ll be in their Phoenix office next week.

I’ll keep you posted.