The Office

Oh dear, still at the office, haven't packed, and need to be on a shuttle to the airport 12 hours from now for a week in the Northwest. But there were so many things to get done today!

We started a serious recubiclization of the office on Friday. Preparing for it was quite emotional, though not because I had any regrets about moving exactly one foot south (!) - or getting new neighbors... The 'new' space dedicated to the use of the five members of my work team here turned out great. It's just how we like things, and quite harmonious. Do come and visit! But organizing some of the rest of the space came with another round of sorting, filling, and tossing old Caleb Project stuff, and that was painful once again. There's still more to do - we need to be out of the down-the-hall filing cabinets and the storage closet by year's end.

I had been looking at the office-redesign process as just the kind of concrete, creative task around which we could rally, put relationship ahead of task, and practice some of the skills that got forgotten when trust was broken in The Late Unpleasantness: cooperation, sharing, helping each other, servant leadership. Well, good news: I've seen some of that. There have been some bright moments! But some quite dark ones as well. Sigh! Maybe I need some time at home - with other relationships to juggle, and give these ones a bit of a rest again. Could be worse: I could work alone!

Do you see a pattern here? I seem to have little tolerance for broken relationships in situations (like close family, and Christian ministry) where I expect healthy, loving, trusting ones. Then I respond in ways (like anger or bitterness or complaining) that are unlikely to improve the situation. Is there something I need to learn about managing my expectations? Should I just be more tolerant of meanness and selfishness, not let it get to me? Or are there other things I can do to respond constructively, to learn to interact with others in ways that communicate grace but also bring out the best in them? How do you do that, how do you... 'win friends and influence people'? (I do have that book on my shelf... maybe due for a re-read! After Ken Sande's "The Peacemaker" which I've been carrying around.)

Singleness and Thanksgiving

Every now and then a married person will tell me in somewhat confidential tones that they don't know if they could do it: be single. If something happened to their spouse they would have to marry again (or move in with someone, or sleep around anyway). So they admire and respect my "ability" to live the single (and yeah, celibate) life.

I'm sure they have good intentions, but I don't know what to make of such comments, and usually don't inquire what exactly they mean by them. That they don't think they could deal with a lifetime without physical intimacy? (It's not my idea of a good time either, but seems necessary under the circumstances.) That they are afraid of being by themselves, or facing so many aspects of life alone? (Nor am I thrilled about those prospects, though there are ways to compensate.) That they so find their identity in being a wife/mother or husband/father that they wouldn't know who they are without it? (True, that's a problem I do not have!)

Well, I'll say here what I would probably never say to someone directly, because it sounds too harsh / religious: God's grace is sufficient for me, and his power is made perfect in weakness. It's true for me, and I need to remember it. God's grace is sufficient for a lifetime of singleness. Really. Isn't that amazing? It may not come to that for me, but if it does, it's going to be OK.

It's true for my married friends, too, looking at their spouses and children, feeling helpless - wondering when someone's going to "find them out" and tell the world they aren't really grownups and should not be allowed to have these responsibilities! God's grace is sufficient for you. His power is made perfect in weakness.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." - 2 Corinthians 4:7 (click to read in context)

Living as people of the gospel means that we know and experience what it means to put our lives in God's hands and say: You're God and I'm not. I put myself at your disposal, recognizing that what you'll do with and in my life is way better, ultimately, than anything I could come up with. So I'm willing to give up what I might think are my "rights" - including the "right" to be married, and even the "right" to be happy - in favor of what you want to do. Your kingdom come, your will be done, right here like it is in heaven. And if it's hard and I mess things up more often then not, that makes it all the more clear that it's not about me and some ability or virtue I have - any power here is coming from you, not from me.

Tagged again...

Tagged by Phyllis-the-Zebra to share six odd or little-known (and, it is implied, interesting) facts about myself. Perhaps I go around telling stories about myself too much – yes, I believe I do: This is a difficult assignment. Nevertheless, here goes.

1. I’m afraid of the dark. It’s one reason I don't live alone.
2. I hate toothpaste. I use as little as possible and one small tube can last me ages.
3. Though I became a Christian more than 20 years ago, for many of those years I didn’t like Jesus. What changed? Well, he didn’t, so I must have. Not sure when or how this happened.
4. I am the only woman I know whose feet are shrinking as she gets older. What is up with this? Went from wearing 8’s, to 7.5’s and just bought a pair of size 7 boots. In women’s clothing, size-inflation is rampant (today’s size 10 is considerably bigger than it was 5 years ago, so we don’t have to admit we’re getting fatter). But shoes aren’t like that, are they?
5. I’m not naturally a ‘people pleaser,’ but it is my secret desire to become more and more of a ‘macarist’ – one who takes joy in the pleasure of others. Wouldn’t it be great to be one of those people who had a natural gift of making people feel great about themselves? I’m not like that, but I'm working on it.
6. My twin sister informs me that I may also have an exciting anatomical abnormality they just found in her, as it runs in families: an extra (at least partial) set of kidneys. There you go, that’s definitely an 'odd fact.' (But don’t tell, or one of us may wake up someday in a bathtub full of ice).

Smart Philanthropy: A Good Nonprofit Should...

As I mentioned in my ‘recent reading’ list I have been enjoying a series of books called ‘The Million Dollar Mysteries.’ In many ways they are typical fare for Harvest House (the publisher): part mystery, part romance, part evangelistic tract – with the corpse, the kiss, the conflict, and the gospel presentation falling in the appropriate places. But rather well done, for all that. And I find the premise rather interesting and creative.

Our heroine, a former private investigator, works for a well-funded charitable foundation. It’s her job to check out the charities her foundation is interested in supporting to make sure they are on the up-and-up. She interviews the staff and board members, reads all their literature, get the financial reports, and digs pretty deep. Often she finds areas of weaknesses and makes her foundation’s gift conditional on making certain changes to tighten up certain aspects of the way they run their organization.

Here’s what she looks for. A good nonprofit should meet the following criteria:

1. It should serve a worthwhile cause.
2. It should adequately fulfill its mission statement, showing fruits for its labors.
3. It should plan and spend wisely.
4. It should pay salaries and benefits on a par with [not exceeding] nonprofit industry standards.
5. It should follow standards of responsible and ethical fundraising.
6. It should have an independent board that accepts responsibility for activities.
7. It should be well-rated by outside reporting sources.
8. It should have a good reputation among its peers.
9. It should believe in full financial disclosure.
10. It should have its books audited annually by an independent auditor and receive a clean audit opinion.

I wrote the author, wondering where she had gotten the idea for this aspect of the series. Had she worked in the nonprofit world, or for a foundation? Maybe she had some bad experiences... I wondered where she got her list. Was there some objective source out there that I could go to understand my own ministry – and those I support – better, and get some objective input on how they measure up on these criteria?

She was a bit swamped and didn’t have time to talk but I expect to hear from her within a few weeks. She said yes, she has been burned by non-profits, and she wishes there were people doing what she describes (instead of giving their money without checking or running their organizations at lower standards).

I think she’s right; most of us give without asking many hard questions about what it is we are supporting. I know some foundations have lengthy and exacting processes for making decisions about the disbursement of funds, but I think they tend to emphasize the alignment of the charity with the foundations’ goals and values, as demonstrated by the grant proposals. Is that true? What about a really big foundation, like the Gates Foundation, would they ever hire an investigator? It sure seems like a good idea.

Giving Circles

A few months ago I read an article in an airline magazine about ‘giving circles,’ – like investment clubs but designed to help members pool their charitable giving to support causes or values they share. I’ve been thinking about the idea of finding or starting one. I do try to be pretty deliberate in my giving, and have served on mission committees at my church that have to develop and implement standards for support. I wonder what it would be like to take evaluation and intentional giving to the next level.

I still hope to talk to Mindy Starns Clark – the author – but may also see if I can get some input from one of the people I know on one side or the other of what mission agencies call ‘development’ – major fundraising. Find out how they think about these things.

In terms of my own giving, most of it goes overseas – and I want to keep it that way. But I could use some direction in how to put my money to better use in helping vulnerable people my own city as well. I know there are a number of nonprofits serving the people of Littleton, Englewood, and South Denver – feeding the hungry, welcoming refugees and immigrants, helping troubled kids, teaching people how to read, and so on. I’ve never done much about it. Frankly, I feel a little guilty about writing a check rather than volunteering my time. Yet I do neither.

I’ve got a hunch I could find 10-20 local families interested in joining me in pooling $500 a year or so, each, to set up a small foundation that would accept grant proposals and research local ministry organizations to see how our money could make a difference.

What do you think about this idea?

Decades Meme / 10, 20, 30

You're still welcome to comment on the "Words" post, below, but I have something new today.

Barb tagged me with this meme: Where were you 10, 20, and 30 years ago?

In the blogging world, when you are ‘tagged’ by a ‘meme’ it means that there is some topic or (usually) a question going around that a blogger writes about and then challenges other bloggers he or she knows to answer as well. Some consider the practice silly or rude for a variety of reasons, and some bloggers refuse to participate. However, if you find the question one of interest you can search by labels, titles, or keywords – or just follow people’s links – to spend hours seeing what others have to say about that topic!

10 years ago: November 3, 1997 – I was 26 and had told everyone I knew that my birthday was the next week. I had a lot of friends. I had finished college five years before and a few years later had moved to Denver to join Caleb Project; was loving it. We’d closed down the research department but recruited a leader whose arrival, when his support was raised, would allow us to reopen it. I’d just traveled to Kyrg~zstn – my third time to do research in Central Asia and my first time as a leader. Had faced some considerable challenges, disappointments, and failures, but was enjoying life and had great hope for the future. I’d moved into the house I live in now and joined the church I’ve been part of ever since.

20 years ago: November 3, 1987 – I was 16 – a week away from turning 17 – and a senior at Redmond High School. I had no idea how much happier and better my life would be a year later when I was off at college. Over a period of several years in the early part of the decade my dad had gone into treatment for alcoholism (25+ years sober now!), mom and dad got divorced, and we moved to the big city. I became a follower of Jesus, and made it my (unexamined) life goals to be popular, happy, and good (with little success, needless to say). The whole decade of the 80s also saw the development and entrenchment of the cardinal rule of my family: try not to upset your sister. I though this rule was a bad idea for all involved, and resented it.

30 years ago: November 3, 1977 – Meg and I were six years old, about to turn seven (did anyone pick up that we have a birthday next weekend?). Living in Maryland and enjoying second grade. Life was about playing pretend, coloring, running around the neighborhood, and watching television. Apparently my tendency to think more highly of myself than I ought to goes way back (to birth, perhaps?): It was about this time that when my teacher asked the class who we thought should be that week’s Big Cheese (sort of like student of the week), I raised my hand and informed the class I would not be there much longer – so it would be a great idea for me to be that week's Big Cheese. Everyone had to write nice things about me in their best handwriting on strips of lined newsprint which were collected and pasted into onto butcher paper and made into a book which I still have, now stashed away someplace in the basement. Life was about to make a big turn: We would sell our house and load everything into a big moving truck, put the dog in the back of the station wagon, and move cross-country to a new life on an island in Puget Sound.

Let’s see, I tag Mandy, Lu, and Phyllis the Zebra ; - ) Will you take the challenge?

Question for Word Lovers -

...What words do you NOT like? (I'll tell you my answers after you tell me yours and then we can go around being curmudgeonly and covering our ears when we hear them.)

More Capon: Men and Knives

"We commonly define man as homo sapiens, the knowing animal. Yet long before he left traces of his knowing, he was busy, as men have always been, misplacing tools. It is by the hammers and the axes he never quite could keep in sight that homo faber, man the maker, betrays his presence in the depths of history. The oldest fingerprints in the world are those on tools; and of all tools, the knife reigns supreme. … All the kitchens, and half the pockets in the world are filled with knives…

"I grant you that I have overstated the case: Not all men have pocketknives. I was carried away by the force of my upbringing. I was raised, you see, in a tradition in which it was considered improper for a man to be without a knife on his person. (Seriously. I hound my sons to carry one, just as my father hounded me, and his father him, and so on, world without end.)

"My grandfather had a number of dicta, all of which were aimed at delineating how a gentleman should comport himself. One of them was: No gentleman should ever be without a pocket knife. You would have to have known him to appreciate the full paradoxicality of the statement. He had the most elegant manners of any man I ever met, but he was ready for anything – fish or cut bait, figuratively or literally – at a moment’s notice. I give you one more of his dicta to help you take the full measure of the man: A gentleman should be able to prepare a light supper without removing his jacket.

"Obviously, you would have loved him."

- Robert Farrar Capon, The Supper of the Lamb, pp. 53-54