Don't Say Yes to the Dress, I Guess

What David's Bridal is selling these days

The fashions in clothing for females alternately amuse and exasperate me. Boys go about in "shorts" that nearly graze their ankles, while many girls' shorts end just under their hips. Boys' T-shirts cover the chest and have sleeves that flap around the elbows, while women's feature huge scoops and tiny sleeves (if any).

Why such fabric allowance inequalities?

Me, I get cold, so I search in vain for more substantial clothing, then add socks and scarves and sweaters. Until the fashions make a major swing away from skimpiness, I'll struggle to find clothes in which I feel comfortable and not exposed.

I was interested to read a set of guidelines for dress from a conservative Bible church. No, not what clothes their members should wear... or wear at church. No, these were rules governing what a bride and her attendants could wear if they wanted to get married in that particular church.

As you may have noticed, sometime in the 1990s, fussy or flowing gowns disappeared. Now they are nowhere to be found, new or used (though no doubt there are still some in spare-room closets and attic spaces). Any girl who expects to buy an off-the-rack wedding dress or bridesmaid gowns will discover what I did, that most or all today's formal wear is designed to show a lot of skin, or shape, or both.

But this church doesn't want wedding parties to wear what wouldn't be suitable "to wear to church."

Apparently a committee of mature women evaluate the gowns, saving the pastors potential shame and embarrassment of telling a girl she's just too dang sexy. Because that would be awkward, no? I hope the question would actually be resolved in advance, not after the clothing had been selected...

Got these for my bridesmaids,
from J.C. Penney's. Also some
shawls if they needed the warmth,
as it turned out they did.

Personally, I would prefer to wear (or see other people wearing) clothing that passes all these tests. But not sure it ought to be mandated. And, practically, it creates hardship for someone who doesn't want to invest a huge amount of time and energy in wedding planning (which is quite stressful and expensive enough already) and can't or doesn't want to do their own sewing (back in my bridesmaid days, it was common enough to pick up a Simplicity pattern and fabric from Joanne's and have one's friend or relative make them up, but this is now pretty rare and no longer saves money).

What do you think of this church's list? Most all the formal-wear I found broke one rule or several.

1. No strapless gowns or dresses.
2. No spaghetti strap gowns or dresses.
3. No bared backs below the normal bra line.
4. No visible cleavage; the breasts must be covered at least two or three inches above the beginning of any cleavage.
5. Sleeveless dresses must have snug armholes.
6. No dresses cut above the bottom of the knee (that is, while sitting).
7. No slits that bare the thighs; slits must not come above the bottom of the knee.
8. No “mermaid” dresses that snugly follow all the contours of the body.

I think my wedding party would have =almost= passed. But not quite.