Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Personal Update

These last few weeks we have been able to check off most key items on household setup and wedding preparation. It has been quite stressful to have to do both at once. Especially since other aspects of life have not slowed down a beat. With each member of my new little family at least a little overextended, it's hard to coordinate schedules and projects with much margin for failure... or for fun.

I've run smack-dab into my own tacit assumptions about who is supposed to do what and which things take precedence over others. In spite of my love's consistently patient, gracious character, I'm seeing every sign that the transition from the life of a single professional to that of someone married with children is going to be a rocky one for me. I did not realize how threatening an intimate, interdependent relationship would be to my sense of self. As in most situations where I'm keenly aware of lacking confidence and competence, frustration turns to anger and I get crabby about it without notice. We've been able to work through things pretty well but it takes a great deal of emotional energy.

Maybe it's a good thing that I can take off for a few days and get out of town. I'll be in Colorado for a bridal shower and to help pack up my old roommate. She's also making a cross-country move after decades in the same place. Not sure what will rise to the surface during these days in Denver. Might be fun and relaxing, a chance to enjoy being with friends and receiving their encouragement. May also come with more saying goodbye and grieving for the life I've left behind (joys and disappointments alike). We will see.

Many of the best things in my life - especially those that have to do with personal growth - have been ushered in by seasons of challenge that feel a lot like this one. That's part of why I do things other people consider scary. Yes, they're scary for me, too, but tend to bear great fruit. There's nothing like being stretched beyond your capacity and discovering you can do things you never thought you could.


Dean Smith said...

You are very competent and compassionate. I am certain that you can handle all of this. Breathe.

Marti said...

Thanks, Dad. I appreciate your support!