Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Class of '88

At various times over the past year I've reflected on the fact that my high school class graduated 20 years ago now. I wondered what might be planned by way of a reunion. If there was one, would I want to go? Would I be willing to go alone, or if not, could I track down any of my old classmates to attend together?
It's not like walking into the lunchroom, where you can just sort of check things out and turn around and leave if it feels awkward; I'd have to buy a plane ticket, and probably the reunion itself would require some kind of registration and payment. So... I wondered, and started poking around online to see what (or whom) I could find.
In my search I came across plenty of names I recognized, but not many were those of people who had been my friends. I did find a few friends. One, Susie, recently moved to Washington D.C. (She doesn't go by Susie anymore - she's Susanne!) Another, Linda, appeared to still be in the Seattle area but I couldn't find any contact info. She merely left this surprising statement on the Classmates website: "In [year] I legally changed my name to Gregory to reflect who I really am." Wow; that's quite a change. Linda and I were good friends at one point, so I'd like to hear the rest of the story, but have no idea whether she/he would be open to telling it to someone she hasn't been in touch with for almost 20 years and whom she'd probably expect to respond with rejection or judgment.
One of the reasons I thought I might consider going to a reunion is that I relate to strangers so much differently now; I'd kind of like a "do over" on those high-school relationships, in some small way. I probably haven't changed as much as Linda/Gregory, but I'm not the same person I was, either. So, how would I respond "back" in the high school environment, in a sense?
High school was not exactly a happy season in my life... though I don't think I realized, at the time, that life could be better. I'd been quite reluctant to make the move to Redmond in the first place, and while it was good of my mom to stay until I finished school, I never really put down roots there. I didn't like who I was in high school. I wanted my life to be something other than it was and assumed there must be something wrong with me for not being popular, happy, and good, as those were my aspirations. Being fairly clever and successful academically - though far from the top of my class - seemed small consolation for everything else.
Life took a huge turn soon after graduation, much to my surprise. By the time some months later when Mom sold the house and moved South I had discovered that real life (or, the next season of it, which was college) was way better.
I finally did find the info about when and where that high school reunion was taking place - and I could have made it too; it was a week or two after I got back from Southeast Asia. But I didn't go. It was going to take place at a country club and cost upwards of $100 a person.
Shoot: I can meet and have fresh start with plenty of strangers right here in Colorado, for free.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Marti,

Your post touched me deeply at two levels: My memories of those times in your life, and, to a lesser extent, my memories of those (nd these) times in my own life.

I knew very well, when you were in high school, that you were very unhappy. I felt very bad about it, and I felt powerless to do anything about your unhappiness. I knew that both you and Megan didn't really want to make that mve to the East Side. You were living with your Mother and I felt that was the best place for you to be. Believe me, you wuld have been even less happy living with me. I didn't know how to be a father to teenage girls.

Ultimately, today I think that anyone can be as happy as they decide to be. Ultimately, happiness comes from within, not from without.

That said, I know it can be very difficult, and even unnecessary, to try to go back into those old situations. I've done it, with mixed results. At first it was great (remember Louella?) but the more I got into it, the more I realized how much I had changed and how little my home town had changed. It became depressing to be there. Depressing in a 'lack of stimulation' way.

In summary, I don't think you missed much.

Love, Dad

Marti said...

Yup, high school was tough, but I don't have anything to hold against you OR mom about those days. (While I didn't want to be on the East Side, in a number of ways it was a better situation, and it was good of Mom to stay through graduation. I got a better HS experience there than I would have in Seattle. And my HS days had their bright moments too, not necessarily related to school itself.)

You and Mom were both doing the best that you could, and as I've said before, we were all trying to find ourselves in those days and the process wasn't always graceful.

I think the four of us have turned into a pretty decent batch of grownups, if I say so myself!

Yes, there are pros and cons to revisiting the past. Can bring healing... or pain... or disillusionment... or all three. Better to dwell in the present, without denying the past its place, eh?