Surrogate Nieces and Nephews

In a recent post I mentioned not remembering the last time I held a baby. With my 40th birthday now in sight (if still two years off!) I find that fewer and fewer of my friends have little ones. I also expressed a wish that even if I never have kids (or step-kids/step-grandkids) of my own, I could get in on “aunt-hood” one way or the other. Oh, I’ve been Auntie Marti several times over the years, mostly to the kids of coworkers – God gave me a great ministry of prayer for them. And wasn’t I a regular at Fritz family gatherings? (Their youngest, just graduated from high school; he was five when I met him!) Some of my other readers are parents of kids whom I greatly dig, also!

But they and most of the others who have been my young friends have not only moved far away but are also well supplied with real aunts or uncles (and/or more convincing substitutes). So while I still love the old C.P. kids and always will, it’s been hard to feel like it was worthwhile to keep ongoing relationships with them a high priority.

Since I wrote about this, several things have happened.

1. I visited a Perspectives class that included a mother with a newborn. “Let me take her for you,” I said, smoothly, during the dinner break. Nice. I’m also working in the nursery at church for the second service this Christmas Eve. (Tonight! 7 pm!) So, maybe actual baby-time is not so hard to come by. What I’d really like would be to find someone who needs a free, more-or-less-once-a-week babysitter, during a time when I’m free (e.g. Monday or Thursday evening?). Why don’t I just ask the people who run that church nursery? Surely they would know a young mom in our church who could use that kind of help.

2. I realized that I ought to start praying and asking God about surrogate nieces or nephews. I’ve always looked for them among the children of coworkers, but I have a lot fewer coworkers now, and just like those of years gone by, these are well “aunted” and “uncled.” Where might I find a family that’s not only gracious enough to let me in but actually needs something that I could provide?

I don’t know that I can actually keep a demanding commitment on this front; don’t look to me to take a job in an orphanage, start fostering, or mentor a needy child. I don’t anticipate any of those things. I’m not great with kids, or gifted at aunt-hood. I just don’t want to miss out on it all together.

As I was praying, I realized God may have already given me a niece and nephew, only I’ve not seen it and have been neglecting them. Erin, in Seattle, is my oldest friend; we met in eighth grade. These days she finds herself the (often frazzled and isolated) single mom of two grade-school aged children. We’ve walked with each other through the challenges we have each faced with school, work, faith, family, and relationships. I was in Erin’s wedding, and watched her go through a divorce.

I haven’t been good about phone calls and letters but have spent time with Erin, and her kids and parents, most every time I’ve been in Seattle, even Christmas dinner. We have “someday” plans to make a trip to Disneyland together – maybe this year? Erin’s kids are great. They do have aunts and uncles, and great support from their grandparents. But there is room for me in their lives, and much more I could do for them as well. Even long-distance.