Telling Secrets

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle - Repent?

2012-01-25T18:39:00.007-07:00

I've been back in Eugene for a couple of months. Even though the cultural distance between this town and my "home culture" in the Denver suburbs is not so vast as some of the cultural canyons I've crossed, it's having the same effect on me, psychologically, as a journey to the other side of the planet. It's taking me by surprise and sometimes delighting me, sometimes bringing out my worst.

My new home is right next to a riverside trail that's popular with walkers, runners, and bikers. Quite a few bikes that roll past have small carts attached. I've seen some of bicyclists unloading the contents of their carts at a local recycling center. "How cool is that?" I thought, "Not only do they recycle, but they go so far as to bring their recyclables in by human power instead of relying on gas and oil." Environmentalism runs strong around here.

Then today as I was coming home from a run I saw a shabby-looking cyclist of indeterminate gender in front of my neighbor's house, going through her garbage bin.

What?! These people aren't just recycling their own stuff, they're actually scavengers? Did this person go through mine, as well? As my self-righteous disdain began to swell, I watched the neighbor's car pull into the drive. She got out of her car and said hello to the scavenger. "Is it OK if I take your bottles and cans?" the cyclist asked the homeowner, in a sweet, feminine voice. "Sure, no problem," came the reply with a smile, "Help yourself."

I think Oregon has a deposit system for bottles and cans. I'd forgotten about it. Most people have a recycling bin as well as a garbage bin, so I'd be surprised to see many recyclables in the regular garbage. But I'm sure it happens at times.

How would you respond? Would it bug you if someone went through your garbage? Or would you, perhaps, see it as a community service or an asset you're glad to share with others?

>> Previous posts reflecting on life in Eugene include Far Out and Solid and Leaves.

It's in the Bag (or Is It?)

2012-01-16T16:10:00.019-07:00

My new bag

Some women are enthralled by cosmetics. Others collect shoes. And some love purses and bags.

If I could say my focus on bags is one of love, that might be a sign of shallow materialism. But what does it mean that I go into minor agonies about the acquisition of a handbag? It is with bags as it is with shoes, for me, I guess - love/hate. I seek not variety, but perfection: One bag that will hold all I need without encumbrance.

Mary Poppins' hold-all carpet bag would be ideal; remember it? Or Hermione Granger's bottomless clutch that effortlessly toted a large tent and many other useful items?

I've always been turned off by large purses. A few months ago a conversation with an imaginative man helped me put my finger on why.

I don't want to carry a big or flashy purse because I don't want to appear "high maintenance"! I don't want to send the message to those around me (or be forced to accept, myself) that I just might be one of those ladies who cannot get along without dragging a huge collection of stuff. Who needs a lot to make her happy. I mean, how shallow can you get? Guys aren't like that. (If you overlook their bulging pockets or the number of apps on their iPhones...)

But my unspoken assumption has been that cool women, women who can keep up with the guys, women who should be taken seriously in the world, they should not need a lot of stuff.

So it is that I failed to pack a right-sized bag for two weeks at school. I just couldn't decide. I brought my computer case as well as my small, unobtrusive purse, but what to do with school books, snacks, and umbrella?

The truth comes out. Perhaps I do need a lot of stuff, after all - maybe because I'm not the cool person I would like to be. I read somewhere that even a normal, healthy person usually underestimates the severity or effects of his/her weaknesses by about 30% (and overestimates strengths or capacity by the same amount). Sobering, eh?

Well, when shopping for anything that might be called a purse, I tend to pick something that would be fine if it were 30% larger. As a result, I often don't seem to have what I'm looking for, or I can't find it because things are crammed in there too tight.

The best answer may be an ergonomic messenger bag or backpack able to hold all I need without being cumbersome.

Well, what was I to do? In the interests of economy, I asked the classmate who kindly offered to take me grocery shopping if she'd stop by the dollar store on the way home. This purse/bag is the result.

I know, it's cheap, shiny, and doesn't quite look like the bag of a person who should be taken seriously. (It's better than the red, alligator-skin one that was also being sold for $5.) We'll see how long it lasts. But it's big enough for the usual purse things along with snacks, gloves, umbrella. Not the books, but I'm realizing that people who teach grad classes pretty much never say, "pull out that book you were required to read and turn to page XX..."

This week I'll try leaving the books and computer in my room and rely on my sleek iPad. And yes, that fits nicely in the new bag.

Theology Library Opens to Sound of Shofar

2012-01-14T07:22:00.007-07:00

I'm back in school, a place or state of mind where withdrawal from the world and into one's ivory tower sometimes seems essential. I think I made it through my previous four years of college without knowing what the US president looked like: engrossed in my studies and relationships on campus, I hadn't been watching TV. Television is still my least-favorite news source I confess, yet I'm quite confident I could pick out President Obama in a crowd!

Anyway, several years ago the Christian university where I'm doing my graduate studies suffered a massive fire in - of all places - the library (!). What volumes that survived were moved off-site while extensive renovations were conducted. A temporary structure was erected to shelter some study carrels and a few librarians who alone had access to the "stacks" and fetched books for students on request. (At least, books that hadn't been lost in the fire. I know: breaks your heart, doesn't it?)

Repairs to the library are finally complete. Next week, on the first day of classes, it is scheduled to open for the first time since 2009. Sophomores (they've never used the library!) organized a special "occupy" style event. The CIU website reports:

"Students will camp out overnight in tents in a quad area outside the library and wake up to a celebration featuring music, games, and an outdoor breakfast. At 7:30 the library will officially open with the blowing of a shofar, a ram’s horn used in ancient times to signal a celebration. [The CIU mascot is the ram.] Once the library opens for business at 7:30, students will enter and be given a ticket for a drawing for Kindles and gift cards."

Since I'm on campus for two weeks I could actually join this library opening gala sleepover! No, I don't suppose I will. There is some question about whether my Tuesday class starts at 7:00 am (gasp!) or 8:00 am. And I'm getting most of the books I need for my classes in their Kindle editions, so I am less dependent on paper. All the same, I'm enough of a library nerd to be excited about getting the tour...

Never a Mommy

2012-01-06T15:05:00.003-07:00

I find myself in an interesting spot, getting ready to marry a guy named "Dad." I mean, that's one of his names, and since he's had it for almost 18 years he's pretty accustomed to it. The kids have never known him any other way. Most of his friends and family members probably take it for granted that a dad is what he "is."

So what will it mean to be a dad's wife? Of course it will make me a stepmother. As the experts say (and my own experience teaches me), that's the kind of role you have to grow into. The kids seem pretty much OK with me but it may well be years after the ceremony before they drop the mental note that "she's not really family." We'll see. I don't want to be maudlin or impatient about it; it's only fair.

I'm also thankful that they are well supplied when it comes to family relationships. They have a mother, grandmothers, an aunt or two, teachers, coaches, and more. So it's not like I have some big gap to fill. They don't need me for anything; whatever love or help or encouragement I have to offer may just be icing on the cake. That's kind of a relief. Plus I have the example of my own stepmother. Following in her footsteps, I think, will take me far.

One of my concerns since the beginning of this relationship has been how to deal with the knowledge that I don't really know what I'm doing. Marriage? Parenting? Sex? I haven't had the class; I don't have the years of training and experience under my belt. I have lots of other life skills, but am way behind most of my peers on these things! I'm never going to catch up.

I do find it helpful, however, to count my blessings in this matter. I've had decades to pursue other interests. I have a broad - if sometimes not too deep - network of friends and acquaintances to turn to for help and encouragement. And by the grace of God that includes many dear people who want to see me do well and who are now reaching the stage in life where their lives no longer revolve around all those young-family issues that I missed out on. They have more time and energy - and notably, more wisdom - to help out an old friend like me as I begin exploring what is to me, brand new territory.

Chris can't have any more children. I have always felt a bit ambiguous about the question, myself - certainly not so gung-ho as to pursue motherhood by any means and at any cost, as some feel led to do. Now it's pretty clear to me that even though I'm marrying a guy named Dad, I will never be a mommy.

As good as the mommy-life can be - as much as it can do to shape a woman's life and character and nurture the next generation - I think maybe it's God's mercy that this challenge is not mine. We'll be able to sleep through the night and pay the bills and have plenty of time and energy to serve each other and other people. Including his two mostly grown children. And while I'll never get to hold my baby in my arms, the grandmother thing? That could still happen and probably will.

For someone who's never been a mommy, what a gift.

Reflections on Solitude

2012-01-04T14:28:00.009-07:00

When, almost two years ago now, I gave up my cubicle, it was with some trepidation. Not because I thought I'd miss the soft grey walls, squeaky chair, and lack of privacy - or my frequently dysfunctional team of coworkers (sorry, guys). I just had a hunch I might have difficulty getting my fill of people time. Time alone is good too, and some people - many, I suppose - have more trouble finding that. But for me, to feel like things are right with the world also requires getting a good two hours a day with other human beings.

For those of us who are single and working from home, sometimes that doesn't happen.

It all went better than I thought it might, though, at least when I lived in Denver. I had a roommate and a regular list of pleasant and convenient haunts; I frequently got together with friends, and my motivation to participate in church activities, go to the rec center, etc. was high enough that life felt pretty well in balance. It actually worked a lot better for me than the old office-cubicle arrangement, which tended to force me into awkward and unfruitful rhythms and drain me of the energy to take much social initiative. I had a lot of lonely weekends. After I moved out of the office, it was only if I was trying to meet a project deadline - or felt I should be - that I would I say no to meetings and other outings. If I played the hermit for more than a day or so at a time, however, I'd start feeling out of sorts and out of touch.

I left Denver 11 weeks ago, and I've been living alone for just three weeks. (See Experimenting with Autonomy.)

Man, what a long three weeks! Even with the holidays in there.

I do have a lot to do, so I'm trying to stay home and focus on my work. I'm not being as productive as I'd like to be; it doesn't seem to be working. But I'm trying. Unfortunately my neighborhood offers no reasonable places to "office" any closer than a marginally pleasant Starbucks a couple miles away. I do need to work (and to study), and my work is solitary. I can't just pitch it all and go be social. But being alone so much is driving me crazy. I'm dying for people to talk to.

I guess I really do need those two hours a day with people.

Chris and I do our best to see each other daily, but he and the kids are all busier than I am, so it's hard to get much quality time. And to lean on just one person for it? Well, that's not the best idea. I'm looking forward to living together (being married) in June. I think my need for people time will go way down at that point. Though I will still try to avoid expecting Chris to meet all my needs.

My current housemates, Robert and Linda, come back to the States in early April. So that will probably be the end of my experiment with living alone. I'll be glad to see it come to a close. Meanwhile, between now and then, I'll be on the road about a third of the time. That's unsettling in a different way, and it may keep me from being able to put down deeper roots in Eugene. But it will give me meaningful time with human beings.

If you a person who prays, maybe you could pray for me to navigate this season of solitude with grace and openness.

2011 Reading List - Part 2

2011-12-30T07:00:00.027-07:00

Are these the only novels I read this year? Life must be getting too serious. Did discover some new (to me) authors, though. Alan Bradley and Suzanne Collins are best-sellers, and I can see why; I will have to wait (or sneak into Barnes and Noble and camp out) for their most recent volumes. My friend SC introduced me to the delightful mystery writer Catherine Aird. I read Jeanne Birdsall’s second book with a young friend and had to track down the other two as it was so much fun.

If you got a Nook or Kindle for Christmas this year (or just want to read them on a laptop) why not download and enjoy some free, classic escapes like Christie, Wodehouse, and Doyle?

2011 Reading: Fiction

The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, by Alan Bradley

The Weed That Strings the Hangman's Bag, by Alan Bradley

The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins

Catching Fire, by Suzanne Collins

The Penderwicks, by Jeanne Birdsall

The Penderwicks on Gardam Street, by Jeanne Birdsall

The Penderwicks at Point Mouette, by Jeanne Birdsall

Past Tense, by Catherine Aird

The Complete Steel, by Catherine Aird

Some Die Eloquent, by Catherine Aird

The Saturday Big Tent Wedding Party, by Alexander McCall Smith

The Charming Quirks of Others, by Alexander McCall Smith

La's Orchestra Saves the World, by Alexander McCall Smith

All Seated on the Ground, by Connie Willis
A Christmas Homecoming, by Anne Perry
Rosalie's Career, by Faith Baldwin
The Attenbury Emeralds, by Jill Paton Walsh

Paper Butterfly: A Mei Wang Mystery, by Diane Wei Liang

Paper Roses, by Amanda Cabot

All for One: A Novel, by Melody Carlson

Secret Adversary, by Agatha Christie

Murder at the Vicarage, by Agatha Christie

My Man Jeeves, by P.G. Wodehouse

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, by Arthur Conan Doyle

2011 Reading List - Part 1

2011-12-29T07:00:00.036-07:00

This must be a new record low for me: I’ve read 54 books this year. Last year - due to the six-month sabbatical? - I set a record high at 122 volumes. What happened in 2011? I think I did more of my reading in a disjointed, online kind of a way instead of curling up with a good book. Also, in February, I both entered a new and rather all-encompassing relationship and began work on a Master’s program. That gave me more stuff to read but also kept me from reading as much for pleasure.

When I moved to Oregon in October I decided to pack up most of my books and put them into storage - and had to say goodbye to my public library too. I may be able to get a local library card here, yet, but it is a little tricky. Either way, will probably be looking to download more content in ebook form. I wonder if my reading life will ever be the same?

Here's my 2011 reading roundup (including, for your convenience, non-affiliate Amazon links). Since the list isn’t that long I’ll fold in some commentary. This post will cover the nonfiction; I’ll list the fiction separately.

The Longing for Home: Recollections and Reflections, by Fredrick Buechner

This was one of the first books I read in 2011 and I may see if I can hunt it down for a re-read. As I said in my posts about this book here and here, I love Buechner's essays. He captures and is honest about nostalgia and longing in a way that helps me accept both the ways life satisfies and the ways it doesn't. That you cannot go "back home" but it's okay that you still wish you could, that something in you needs this.

Year of Plenty, by Craig L. Goodwin

Goodwin, a pastor in Spokane, WA, tells the story of the journey he and his family made toward living more intentionally and simply by limiting themselves to locally produced food and other products, e.g., from their own garden. I appreciated both his attempt to speak to environmental issues from a biblical perspective of stewardship and the winsome way he told his own story.

The Art of Crossing Cultures, by Craig Sorti

This 2001 book provides a very helpful, “sticky” introduction to what it feels like and what it takes to make successful cross-cultural adjustments when you are a Westerner taking an international assignment. I’m looking for something to recommend to (or require for) professionals heading out on one-month to one-year postings with my mission organization in settings all over the world. Don’t know if I can come up with something that fits the niche as well as this does. The fact that it’s secular means it leaves out a few of the wrinkles that we mission-types face, but also means you can carry or pass it around more freely than if it was full-up with Christian jargon.

Seminary Reading

· The Rumbling Volcano: Islamic Fundamentalism in Egypt, by Nabeel Jabbour

· Jesus and the Land: The New Testament Challenge to "Holy Land" Theology, by Gary Burge

These are two of four books I need to read for a January class on “Islam in the 21st century.” (The others are Colin Chapman’s Whose Promised Land? And Jimmy Carter’s Palestine Peace not Apartheid. Sandy Tolan’s The Lemon Tree and Mike Kuhn’s Fresh Vision for the Muslim World seem to top the recommended list.) The Burge book provided a helpful survey of the theories and players.

Jabbour is teaching the class. I’ll be interested in what he has to add about developments in Egypt since his book on the topic was published almost 20 years ago.

The paper I have to write is supposed to answer this question: “In the war for the hearts and minds of Muslims around the world what would it take to empower the moderates and open minded, and marginalize the fanatics in the Muslim world? Who are the main players and what can each do?” If you have any other weighty questions to ask me, perhaps you can hold onto them until I settle this one...!

Other books I read for school, along with various articles:

· The Old Testament

· Encountering the Old Testament, by Bill Arnold and Bryan Beyer

· Readings from the Ancient Near East: Primary Sources for Old Testament Study, by Bill Arnold and Bryan Beyer
Chronological and Background Charts of the Old Testament, by John H. Walters

· Mission in the Old Testament: Israel as a Light to the Nations, by Walter Kaiser

· Interpreting the Minor Prophets, by Robert B. Chisholm

Related to Global Outreach

· Behind the Veils of Yemen, by Audra Grace Shelby

· Europe: Restoring Hope, by Deborah Meroff

· Upside: Surprising Good News about the State of Our World, by Bradley Wright

· Pursuit of a Thirsty Fool, by T.J. MacLeslie

· No Longer a Slumdog, by K.P. Yohannan

· Hudson Taylor: Gospel Pioneer to China, by Vance Christie

· Stones in the Path, by Greg Carter

These six books were given to me (sometimes by my request) that I might write about them in our Missions Catalyst Resource Reviews.

Christie’s book wasn’t bad, though it didn’t measure up to two really excellent John Pollack books about the same era which I read on my own (The Cambridge Seven and Hudson Taylor and Maria).

Yohannan’s book felt too much like an advertisement for his ministry, and I think it’s fair to say it was designed to be.

MacLeslie and Shelby’s works both had what seemed to me like significant flaws, but they added something to the world of mission biography, especially through their commitment to personal transparency.

Wright’s book was (as the title might suggest) a breath of fresh air; I’d give it high recommendations – Debbie Meroff’s, too, if you’re interested in Europe. Carter’s book is a novel about mentoring people for ministry. I thought it was very helpful, though as a self-published book it could have used a bit more spit and polish and will be hard to find (link goes to my published review).

Other mission-related books I read and would recommend:

· Radical Together: Unleashing the People of God for the Purpose of God, by David Platt

· MissionShift: Global Mission Issues in the Third Millennium by David Hesselgrave and Ed Stetzer

· Antioch Revisited: Reuniting the Church with Her Mission, by Tom Julien

Miscellaneous Nonfiction

· The Smart Stepmom, by Ron Deal and Laura Petherbridge

· After the Boxes Are Unpacked, by Susan Miller

· The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, by Gary Chapman

I read all three of these on the recommendation of others and for reasons that are probably obvious to anyone who knows what's going on in my life. Found each one to be well thought out and helpful.

· Letters to Children, by C.S. Lewis

· My Life in France, by Julia Child and Alex Prud'Homme

· Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion, by Gregory Boyle

· Victoria's Daughters, by Jerrold M. Packer

Read these four with my book club in Denver. We tended to alternate fiction and nonfiction. These were good choices, I thought; Boyle's was probably the best. Some got bogged down in Packer’s book which was rather long.

Leaves

2011-12-28T14:15:00.009-07:00

Around the end of 1996 I moved into Highlands Ranch, Colorado, dubbed "Beautiful Highlands Ranch." Once rolling prairie, the last 30 years have seen the area transformed into a booming suburban housing development which though unincorporated, supports almost 30 schools, a large post office, great parks and recreation centers, and more.

The nearly 100,000 people who abide in the ranch are required to submit to a community covenant. Committees patrol the cul de sacs (culs de sac?) to tell residents when they need to paint their houses (approximately every three years) and approve the color schemes. Any changes in landscaping must be approved by the community association; permanent clothes lines and anything else the neighbors might consider unsightly are strictly forbidden. Before the end of next month notices will be sent to any who fail to put away their Christmas decorations for the year, not supposed to be up more than 30 days after a holiday.

It's been 10 weeks since I arrived in Eugene, Oregon. Even with winter coming on, the place seemed so much more alive. There are trees everywhere! But it was autumn, and the leaves were beginning to fall. What do people do with all the leaves? (Compost, maybe?)

To my surprise, the kind of people who in Colorado would have owned snow blowers here have leaf blowers. I don't know, maybe they are the same thing with a different name. (Can you tell I'm more the rake and shovel type?) At any rate, they just blow the leaves from their yards, driveways, and sidewalks and leave them the streets.

Some of the piles of leaves are enormous and have been here longer than I have. Several times I've had a hard time finding a place to park because of all the leaves.

Perhaps needless to say, such a thing would have been a serious and fine-able offense in Beautiful (though largely treeless) Highlands Ranch.

I was discussing the leaf piles with the recent California transplants who own the house where I'm living, and they were mystified by this practice as well. Why don't people bag up the leaves? Isn't it the homeowners' responsibility? Isn't there some kind of yard waste pickup?

"They will come," Chris assured me. "The city picks up all the leaves."

"When will they come?"

"They've already started. They'll get there when they get there."

Yesterday, a dump truck and bulldozer came down my street, and, working in tandem, picked up all the leaf piles.

(File this under "It's not wrong, it's just different.")

Scents of the Season

2011-12-23T07:00:00.018-07:00

Well here we are - just past winter solstice and made it to Christmas Eve-eve. Today is a day off for me. I will do some reading for school but also make a couple of pies for the Christmas dinner to be held tomorrow.

What tastes say "Christmas" to you? I'm going for chocolate and peanut butter, as I understand both flavors - especially together - are quite popular with the Wade family. Christmas is a great time for chocolate, yes? Or maybe any time is!

A few days ago we found ourselves at Bath and Body Works investigating their selection of aromatic candles. Two for $20, and no tax here in Oregon. Glass jar, lid, three wicks ("burns faster that way," Chris suggests).

Some of the scents and their names made me laugh. "Gingerbread" and "peppermint" are straight-forward enough, but what does it tell you to know something comes in the flavor of "sleigh ride," "deck the halls," or "winter"?

The brother of a college roommate was a jazz musician and sometimes composer. Judy enjoyed coming up with names for pieces he had written or should write. And instrumental music is like candle scents, or more so, isn't it? Call it whatever you like! It was her hope that he would one day write a piece called "Green Chavez Lane."

QUESTION: What name would you love to give to a scent, color, song, etc?

Holidays and Happiness

2011-12-22T07:00:00.001-07:00

How do you feel about Christmas?

For at least a couple of decades December was my favorite time of year. I think that was true even when my family was disintegrating and I was making the transition into the grownup world. Whether I was with family or with friends, it was a special time of year. Nostalgia can linger for a long time.

Some time in my 30s, though, I think I crossed a line. Just as a prediction of snow came to mean slick roads and scary commutes, not sledding and staying home, the approach of Christmas has come to bring with it more stress than jollity. As a way of taking responsibility for my own emotions, I've tried to "manage" the disappointment away through the choices I make, but not with much success. Reading back through my holiday posts on this blog I think negative or ambiguous feelings about holidays have come to outweigh the positive ones; now I have little expectation that it will be the hap, happiest season of all.

I am, at best, cautiously optimistic.

Does it have to be that way? Let's not insist on happiness, like it's some kind of right, but how about choosing joy? Hmm...

Although the correlation is inexact, age seems to be the most significant factor. Little ones are supposed to love Christmas and by and large they do. But it's usually the grownups who call the shots for what Christmas will be "like" any given year. How do we pull together in a way that feels both loving and authentic?

It's been a tough year for the family I'm joining. Some major illness, disappointment, and loss. As I find my place in a family that includes a teenaged son and daughter and three teenaged nieces, I wonder how they feel about the holiday. It's a little hard to ask: I know you don't believe in Santa or anything, but Christmas, is it still magic for you? Is there anything I can do to help keep this time special for you? (Or to experience some magic for myself, seeing it through your eyes?)

Chris and I are also talking, in broad-brush terms at least, about starting some traditions of our own.

While the Christian feast of the incarnation requires no trees, sweets, or wrapping paper, there are some cultural values connected to Christmas that I find particularly helpful: gratitude and giving.

A big part of Christmas, as I was growing up, was making those shopping lists, going to the drugstore for fancy soaps for the great aunts, wrapping up jars of homemade jam for the teachers, picking out a stuffed animal for my sister and some new socks for Dad, brainstorming with him about what Mom would like. In more recent years the great aunts are gone. I guess I could have still sent my online professors jars of jam (what would they say? We've never met!). Meg might still like the stuffed animals; I did not go that route but did bring back something a little playful for her from my spring trip to Siberia. And I did get Dad socks, last year, and Mom can always use something to keep her warm, too.

In recent years I've made a a few more grown-up additions to the giving list. I've often picked out presents for my several dozen supporters. I've enjoyed making year-end financial gifts to people I can't support year-round. My inbox is full of year-end appeals. Looks like I have maybe $200 tops that I could distribute that way this year, but maybe Chris and I can make those decisions together? I enjoyed picking out poinsettias and delivering them to a few of his patients last weekend. It would be good to do more of that.

Pat, my news sleuth in New York, recently brought to our readers' attention the connection between happiness and giving. Read about it here (scroll to the last item).

Meeting God in the Prophets

2011-12-21T07:00:00.010-07:00

My most recent class, one of four Bible survey classes for my seminary program, covered the Old Testament books of the prophets. Although this chunk of scripture doesn't include all the unpopular books of the Bible (!), it does include most of the obscure ones (like Obadiah and Zephaniah).

I suppose the Old Testament as a whole is kind of tricky. What is there here for us? The prophets’ words detail expectations which do not seem to apply to us or prophecies denouncing the behavior of people who lived long ago and kingdoms far away. If you're a Gentile - as I am - Israel may seem quite a foreign nation or the people of an old an outdated covenant, and what do we care about, say, the Amonites or the Jebusites? Yet God reveals himself and the ways he works with men and women and their communities through the stories, conversations, and prophecies of the Old Testament. It was cool to have the help of scholars to get more of the inside scoop on what these guys were saying and what it meant, historically.

Take the book of Isaiah. He's the prophet most quoted in the New Testament. How does Isaiah show us God? I mean, besides the passages we know because they get quoted a lot?

I had an assignment to study the titles Isaiah uses for God and to write a paper about one of them. It was one that Isaiah uses a couple dozen times, and it only appears a few other places in the Scriptures: The Holy One of Israel (Is. 1:4; 5:19, 24; 10:20; 12:6; 17:7; 29:23; 30:11, 15; 31:1; 37:23; 41:14; 43:3, 14; 45:11; 47:4; 48:17; 54:5; 60:14, 2 Ki. 19:22; Ps. 71:22, 29:18; Jer. 50:29, 51:5, Ezek. 39:7).

Great. Israel. What's the big deal about Israel here, and who is the Holy One of Israel? I was suspicious; I didn't want to fall - inappropriately - into the trap of believing the answer is always "Jesus." Because sometimes the terms the Bible uses for Jesus can also be used to describe someone else. Other people are even referred to as "saviors," "anointed ones," or "messiahs."

When I pulled together all the references to the Holy One of Israel, though, it was pretty clear. They were divine in every case. The Almighty God, the Creator of the Universe, and Holy One of Israel are one and the same.

Any exploration of Isaiah’s teachings on the Holy One should take into account the centrality of God’s holiness in Isaiah’s understanding of him. Think about it: what's the big, formative event in Isaiah's life? Surely it's his encounter with God at the time of his calling as a prophet (6:1-8). He saw his own sin and God’s holiness and it is likely he never forgot it. Let's take a look.

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”

At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty” (6:1-5).

Remarkable things happen as the scene unfolds. Isaiah sees his sin atoned for and his guilt taken away; immediately he responds to the question, “Whom shall I send?” and is given a mission and a message. What a transformation!

The ministry he is given is to be God’s spokesman to his people in a time when they are committed to sin, to anything but what God says. Isaiah calls them to turn back. He describes the consequences of their choice not to trust in God, the Almighty God, the Holy One of Israel. The book of Isaiah speaks words of judgment but also words of comfort and hope as God continues to call his people to return to him and speaks of the day when this return will happen.

Many of the passages that speak of God as the Holy One of Israel underline Israel’s lack of holiness and rejection of their holy God. In the first couple chapters of the book, Isaiah calls on the heavens and earth to listen to the accusation: Judah had forsaken the Lord. The people had turned their backs on him and spurned the Holy One of Israel (1:2-4). They spurned the word of the Holy One of Israel and rejected his law (5:25), causing his anger to burn against them – and this even as they said they wanted to see God show himself.

Woe to those who draw sin along with the cords of deceit,
and wickedness as with their cart ropes,
to those who say, “Let God hurry,
let him hasten his work
so we may see it.
Let it approach,
let the plan of the Holy One of Israel come,
so that we may know it.”

How tragic that though the people knew God as the Holy One of Israel, they were otherwise greatly misguided about holiness. In fact, they called evil good and good evil, Isaiah says, and God will strike them down (5:20-25). Many other passages in Isaiah and the other prophets detail the sins of Israel and the nations; throughout, God’s holiness stands in stark contrast to the people’s lack of holiness. While Sennacherib king of Assyria is later rebuked because he has insulted and blasphemed the Holy One of Israel (27:23), the people of Israel have often done much the same thing.

One of God’s strongest accusations against the people of Isaiah’s time was that they looked to human powers rather than their Almighty God in times of trouble. They carried out plans, but not God’s plans. They formed alliances, but not by his Spirit. They sought help from Egypt without asking God for direction about this (30:1-2). As Assyria threatens them, they put their confidence in their old enemy Egypt, now perhaps an ally. These hopes that will prove to be misguided. If only they had trusted in God! They are like rebellious children and unwilling to listen to the Lord’s instructions. Furthermore, they are impatient with God’s prophets, to whom they say, “Stop confronting us with the Holy One of Israel!” (30:9-11).

Understanding Isaiah’s use of the term “the Holy One of Israel” not only helps us understand the character of God as seen in his relationship with Israel, it also shines light on the deity of Christ. Reading the New Testament and taking its words at their modern-English face value, we might well question whether Jesus actually claimed to be divine or was seen that way by his first followers. Was he just a good man or anointed prophet later “deified” inappropriately by the emerging church?

Isaiah helps us answer this question. The writers of the New Testament must have had the words of the prophet Isaiah much in their minds to quote or refer to them as frequently as they did. They knew they worshiped the same God as Isaiah, the God who revealed himself and his plans through this prophet. When Isaiah talks about the Holy One of Israel, he is always talking about God. So, when Christ is referred to as “the Holy One” (Mark 1:21-24, Luke 4:31-34, John 6:68-69), hearers steeped in the words of Isaiah would understand that to mean he was not just a good person but a divine one.

The first place we here about Jesus’ position as the Holy One spoken from a surprising source – a demon. When Jesus and his disciples go to Capernaum, Jesus goes to the synagogue and teaches with an authority that amazes the people there. While Jesus is teaching he is apparently interrupted by a man in the synagogue possessed by an evil spirit. He cries out, “What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us? I know who you are – the Holy One of God!” (Mark 1:21-24, Luke 4:31-34).

In both accounts of this event, Jesus commands the spirit to be quiet and to come out of the man. Yet the situation makes such an impression on the people that news about Jesus, who he is, and what he is doing spread quickly throughout the whole region of Galilee (Mark 1:27-28, Luke 4:36). Jesus’ teaching and healing made an impression, but were the people also impressed by his “authority” as the Holy One? Jesus heals many and casts out demons, but will not let the demons speak because they “knew who he was” (Mark 1:34). That Jesus was the Holy One as well as the anointed one or Messiah may have meant a great deal to Jews who had been waiting for the fulfillment of many prophecies in Isaiah.

The disciples of Jesus also saw and acknowledged that Jesus was divine in calling him the Holy One. John reports Peter using that term when the people start to desert Jesus. Jesus asks the twelve if they want to leave him, too.

“Simon Peter answered him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God’” (John 6:68-69).

The Holy One of God! In using this term, is Peter acknowledging that Jesus is God’s answer to the separation between a holy God and sinful man? Is this title a statement of the gospel? Certainly Peter’s response to Jesus brings to mind Isaiah’s response to the Lord in Isaiah 6, or the response he longed for from the people of Israel when he pleaded with them to trust the Lord and not their own strength or the strength of their neighbors.

“Come now, let us reason together,”
says the LORD.

“Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool" (Isaiah 1:18).

How will we respond to God’s plea to be reconciled to him? If we respond with surrender and trust, we become the Holy People of whom Isaiah had spoken (62:12). In fact, Peter uses strikingly similar language in his letters. The Holy One of Israel has even raised up Gentiles to be, now, his people.

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

“Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us” (1 Pet. 2:9-12).

Experimenting with Invisibility

2011-12-19T11:33:00.004-07:00

It's a staple in the fairy tales: the magic power of invisibility. Would you want it? To wake from the dream or look up from the page is, I think, to realize that invisibility may not bring only power and autonomy but sometimes impotence and pain. The stories of invisibility may illustrate this loss as well. Consider the despair of an Ebenezer Scrooge or George Bailey and the joy both have in being returned to the world where they again speak and act and touch the lives of others.

I’ve written about these matters before. I suppose, in part, that a desire to be heard and seen and known, to be accepted and understood and celebrated are what motivate me to keep a personal blog. I wonder though, where I cross the line between a legitimate, God-given desire to belong and an illegitimate, God-like desire to be worshiped? What can be done to correct this, to put me that place where I can honestly say I’d rather be a doorkeeper in the courts of God than to, you know, be the one up on the stage?

In the last year or so my desire to be acknowledged and valued has come into sharper focus. I'm asking the Lord what he wants to do with this thing. Leaving a town, church, home, etc. where I was a person of some importance and coming to a place where I am more of an unknown brings it up again.

Being among people who have different ways of keeping score has also been humbling. Just a few days ago we went to a kid-parent event where one of Chris’s old swim-team buddies told a story about running into someone else from high school, someone who remembered her well but she didn’t even know who he was because he was not a swimmer. Ouch! What popped into my mind immediately was the time Yvette Bailey in eighth grade slapped me in the hallway outside of art class just for being a white girl. Whoa; how are those things connected? Oh dear. Apparently I've got some unresolved issues... surprise!

Oh, and then here’s Christmas. The time when so many of us want everything to be just perfect – our families, our achievements, our feelings, our budgets, the gifts we’re able to put under the tree and the ones we find there for us. Real life has a way of, you know, not cooperating with such desires.

Here I am getting ready to marry someone who thinks I’m wonderful, yet - himself happy to serve behind the scenes - notices my desire for what he calls celebrity and suggests it may be, um, sin. Huh; yes, well. Perhaps. I don’t want to admit it. I just don’t want to be invisible, that’s all, right? No, let’s be honest, I want to be important. Very important. What am I going to do with this? Lord, what do you want to do?

Then I find myself penciling in another couple items on a mental list of slights from the ministry I serve with (hey, that’s right, “serve”!) and realize I’ve got to lay this thing down before the Lord again. Yes, the terms of my employment are a bit odd; there are a few ways I’m the “one of these people who’s not like the others.” Though I pretty much am the one who came up with the terms, I forget that and feel sorry for myself, as if putting me in different categories or leaving me off lists mean I don’t belong or that I’m invisible, but are either of those things necessarily true?

As I look for God’s perspective on these things I remember other humbling seasons I’ve been through before and think about how all of us want to be humble but who wants the humiliation that it takes to get there?

Well, maybe I’d better turn the corner with this post. It just so happens that there are some practical ways out of this mental-emotional swamp. Unless you are clinically depressed or something, the way out may be pretty easy. I find all I have to do is grab onto the ladders of grace that God so graciously provides.

What are they, for you? Most of mine have to with gratitude. Stop counting disappointments and slights, and look for the blessings, often wrapped up in the same package. Pray. When I’m honest, when I ask God what’s going on and open my eyes to it, I realize how good I’ve got it. I start thanking him for the good stuff. And the "bad" stuff too, actually.

When I’ve got my eyes on him the sun cuts through the dense fog and I get a whole different perspective. Wow. How blessed I am. I feel so much better. Rather than wondering why nobody is worshiping me, I turn and give worship to God to whom alone worship is due. I put on Handel's Messiah or read a psalm or two; I go back to Isaiah 6 or something and my whole perspective changes.

Somehow I don’t feel invisible anymore.

See also: Staying Warm, Keeping Cool, and a Word from Shel Silverstein, Counseling, and Healthy.

Experimenting with Autonomy

2011-12-09T07:00:00.024-07:00

Next week the people I'm living with take off for California, Uganda, and India, and I'll have the place to myself until some time in April. I've never lived alone. Ever. But I am glad for a chance to have a taste of it before I begin what will be 20, 30, 40 years of marriage. You know, as long as we both shall live. Never done that either.

I'm interested to see what the experience of living alone will be like for me and how it may relate to what comes after. Perhaps I need some sweet solitude before I enter the next phase. Maybe keeping house on my own will reinforce my conviction that together is better than alone -- to keep me from looking back with regret. It may motivate me for the hard work of compromise that will come with marriage and family life. It's a chance to experiment with autonomy, while I still can. And to learn what lessons it may have for me.

It's not like I'll be all alone, all the time. I have a car, after all. There are places to go, places with people. Chris will come over, and I'll still be at his place pretty often. Then this summer we'll get married; I'll live with Chris and Daniel, and sometimes Haley. So my solitude will not be shadowed by the fear I've been haunted by in recent years, the fear that I'm going to end up alone because I'm not the kind of person other people want to have around. Nope: not going to happen.

At any rate, I'm grateful for the provision of this living situation. Six weeks of companionship with some like-minded friends, that's been great. Then a place of my own. For a while.

Something I've penciled in for the first couple days after they are gone is to put up my Christmas tree. Fetched it from the storage unit last week; the box is in the trunk of my car. I left nearly all the decorations back in Denver with Deb. They were mostly hers, I think, and she will be there one more Christmas before she too moves and will not have a place for them.

So yesterday I went to Target and bought some lights and baubles for the tree. I'll add these to my collection of ornaments, mostly snowflakes crocheted by my grandmother a few years before she died. If the tree still looks bare -- will it? -- I'll see if I can persuade my nieces-to-be to help me with some origami. They all went to a Japanese-language elementary school and apparently mastered the art. For me, a chance to learn something new.

The next year should hold many such opportunities.

Tearing up the One-way Streets

2011-12-08T13:32:00.004-07:00

A few more things for my public file on the topic of listening as ministry:

Leaders Have a Lot to Learn

A few years back I posted an item illustrating how those who might usually be the leaders and the teachers can keep growing and learning as they invest in reverse internships.

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal covers much the same ground, providing more background and some pithy quotes about reverse mentoring.

A common application seems to be that senior leaders look down the corporate ladder for someone to help them learn the latest paths in communication and technology. When a Gen Y reverse mentoring program took off at one company, it became cool; all the managers wanted to have their own "junior mentors."

Learning Builds Bridges

A couple of Christian leaders are asking how these ideas might apply in making disciples. Miguel suggests discovering discipleship opportunities by putting ourselves in reverse discipleship situations - finding someone who doesn't know Jesus to teach us how to do something we need to know.

It's not a new idea. Many missionaries, moving to a new culture and finding themselves in a place of incompetence, look to local folks for orientation. They humble themselves to engage in culture and language learning by immersion. This process is painful, but often more effective than other approaches, and so endearing it can yield deep and life-long friendships. (To short-circuit this process, just limit yourself to learning from other expats or local Christians, or skip learning and dive right into teaching and leading).

Leaders Need to Listen and Learn

In what I see as a related note, Steve Moore's recent vlog talks about closing the feedback loop. He explores the vital importance, for leaders, of finding effective feedback. We need people in their lives and organizations who can help us see our blind spots and destructive behaviors.

Steve says that as an organization grows it tends to build one-way streets. Nobody wants to tell the leader that he's making a big mistake, that he's alienating people or basing his decisions on flawed information.

Good news - and affirmation - flows up. Bad news - and correction - flows down. Effective and growing leaders need to break up those one-way streets and set up structures to give them crucial feedback.

>> Read or heard anything lately about listening, something you found helpful? Let me know.

Far Out and Solid

2011-11-29T18:57:00.002-07:00

I'm still exploring my new town and probably will be for some time. Actually, that's kind of how I like to live, generally: curious, and with my eyes open to the little adventures that may come my way. When I'm in a new place, it's as much a survival strategy as a way to entertain myself. Right now I'm trying out different places to shop. Eugene is home to second-hand stories and discount markets of every description.

I was in a discount grocery picking up a few items for Thanksgiving when I saw him. He had a big grey beard. He wore a broad-brimmed hat and quite a few layers of clothing. And he was pushing a cart with bags and bags of stuff attached to it. The beard is pretty normal around here, but from the other signs I guessed the chances were good that this man wasn't just carrying all his stuff around to keep it handy; he probably had no place to put it. Oregon has a lot of people who live on the streets or spend much of their time there. The place I've lived the last 16 years had almost none.

When I was ready to buy my groceries we ended up in the same line. He was actually finishing up his transaction, so I got in line behind him thinking I'd get out more quickly than if I were at one of the other check stands, each of which had several people waiting.

The bearded guy was trying to chat up the grocery clerk as he stashed his stuff. Only he was trying to come up with "Have a happy Thanksgiving," in Spanish. I wanted to help him with that but I couldn't think of how to say it either. Nor was I certain this girl was a Spanish-speaker, though she might be. The clerk, for her part, didn't say a word or crack a smile. She just waited.

I thought he was done when he tied the last bag to his cart - the one with two pomegranates ($3 apiece), package of fancy goat cheese, and box of gourmet ice cream sandwiches.

"I hope I have enough for this," he said. Uh oh. She swiped the card that represented his food stamps. He only had $31 on it, but he had $39 of groceries. It seemed to take an eternity for him to choose which items to put back. I thought about covering for him, but struggled to overcome my hesitation over his food choices - as if people on food stamps are unworthy of pomegranates, and that somehow I'm more worthy of the things I purchase and enjoy just because I'm blessed with a steady income.

In the end he was still $1 over, but the man now behind me in line did what I could not: he pitched in a dollar.

The bearded guy was so gracious and appreciative. "You are far out and solid," he said. "As are you," the man behind me returned. "As are you."

How do you think you would feel or respond in this kind of situation? I'm still pondering it. As I said, I haven't had to deal with poverty close to home in a long time. I want to be wise but also compassionate. I really don't want to be the kind of person who puts people into categories and decides how they are supposed to behave - who lets myself treat them as objects and dismisses them as persons. The kind of person who looks down on homeless people for wasting their food money and murmurs, "Get a job!"

At the very least, I want to make a plan to respond. And when I adjust my budget for the new year I'll put in a line item for "giving to the poor," even if it just means an annual check to the Eugene Mission. What do you think? Any tips?

Personal Update - Engagement

2011-11-22T16:02:00.017-07:00

Well, now, it's official. Privately, C. and I agreed way back in July that we were going to get married, but now I have this fancy ring on my finger and need to brush off my French and start saying the word "fiance."

Oh, yeah, and plan a wedding. In an ideal world my personal assistant would work on that for me. If my life were a movie, my mom or best friend would get in those trenches with me. In the world I actually live in, it's going to have to be simple, and I'm asking God to guide and fuel the process so it can be a special day, beautiful but not too complicated. I'm so glad I was able to make the transition to Oregon first!

I'd asked C. not to propose until after I'd moved. Maybe Thanksgiving. We'd talked about having a gathering of friends and family to celebrate with us, but again, that's more a dream world than the kind of thing we could really pull off. A young friend, the daughter of my friends J. & L., just had that kind of experience. She thought it was just a party. Her boyfriend surprised her when, her close-knit family gathered round, he proposed. But she's young, and her family much less fragmented. What worked for them would require the kind of relationships that I just don't have. Especially right after a cross-country move.

After considering timing and possibilities, C. decided it would be better to seal the deal before, rather than during or after, the Thanksgiving holiday, and not in front of other people. Maybe in a holy and special place. Not the best time of year for a mountaintop or alpine meadow; it would have to be someplace indoors. Perhaps one that represented the cloud of witnesses that, even if they can't be gathered around to clap and cheer, nevertheless could not be more pleased that we are taking this step.

So he proposed to me at church this Sunday. I like that. C. always likes to be early for things so it didn't strike me as odd when he told me he'd pick me up at 9:30 for the 10:00 service, less than 10 minutes' drive from my house. Of course, since I'd arrived home the night before from a trip the East Coast, I had been up since 5:00. Uh huh; jet lag. So C. and I were early to church. When he ushered me into the sanctuary at 9:45 I wondered what he had in mind. He pulled out a little box... "Oh, this is the place," I said, since he'd told me he'd chosen the place where he'd ask me. I opened the box. A necklace? The gold chain was a birthday present, he said. And a good place for the promise ring, the "place holder" I'd been wearing since the beginning of the summer. Most people thought it was an engagement ring, but he wanted to get me something more.

The necklace tangled badly, immediately. C. was trying to straighten it out the whole time he made his speech. I can't tell you all he said; I was distracted by the knots. But he asked if I'd marry him, and I said yes. The promise ring went on the chain around my neck.

A second box held the engagement ring and the wedding band that will join it sometime this summer. He put the first one on my finger, and I smiled and kissed him. It is a lovely ring! And he is a wonderful man. He adores me. I'm pleased with him and honored by the invitation to become his wife.

Perfect? Well, maybe not, but somehow just that we're together I can let go of perfect.

I would have loved it if we could tell the pastor and after the service began he'd announce it, with a big grin, and everybody would clap and maybe even stop and pray for us. Again, dream world. Neither of us is known in the church; those who I've met know I came out to marry C. and maybe they would not see the actual engagement as much of step at all. I'm hoping when we get up to Washington sometime next month, I can announce it and introduce him during the service and get, perhaps, the response I desire. Maybe. Maybe not.

The sermon was actually very timely for me as I was rejoicing in my good fortune while quietly grieving my transplanted state. It spoke to the fact that our roots are now planted in heaven, and we don't need to keep looking to the world around us for pleasure or purpose or significance. This isn't home. We may not have the life or community we want, here, but that doesn't mean those desires are bad; they're actually going to find their fulfillment in the world to come. What does it mean to live in light of that reality, today?

I give my desire for attention a little mental poke. Does that hurt? A little. But the swelling has gone down. My love and I are together, brought together by the God who holds us in his hand, and maybe I don't need the affirmation of the world to feel safe and treasured. To know that I matter. Sigh. Wouldn't it be nice if this were not a question? Yet even if this adolescent-like thing I struggle with is not a permanent condition, perhaps its existence is going to prove of some use to me, as the years unfold. Is there some way God wants to use this, instead of just healing me and taking it away?

We did get the encouragement I'd wished for when we changed our relationship status on Facebook later in the day. Today's version of the great cloud of witnesses! More than 100 people left comments and congratulations.

After church we talked to a few people, went out to lunch, and made our way to Best Buy where I made a scary decision to go ahead and spend my very generous supply of birthday money on an iPad 2. I was thinking about a Nook or Kindle but since the iPad can do all they can and much more... probably a big help for both work and school, I went for it.

Buying expensive and unnecessary electronics actually freaked me out more than the engagement, in a way. We got a substantial case and extended warranty for the iPad - somewhat to my comfort - but that did make handing over my Visa card $200 more painful. At the last minute I remembered I had a coupon from Best Buy, somewhere in my "desk stuff" box. Would it cover things like this? I didn't know, but I brought the thing anyway. (Found the coupon today. Nope, it did not apply).

Seems kind of funny that I came home, that day, with both a big ol' engagement ring and an iPad. I'm rather glad the engagement ring attaches me to my very own IT department. Yes, among his many skills and talents, C. is a tech guy. And to his credit, one who doesn't mind that I have an iPad 2 and he only has an iPad 1! (See, he is a keeper!)

Next on the agenda for our busy day was bowling. Yup. We swung by C.'s house to pick up the kids and headed over the fire station. C. packed up gear in one of the bright-red trucks - in case there was a call during the afternoon - and drove us in it to the bowling alley for the volunteer fire department's annual bowing and pizza event.

One of the fire dept. girls squealed when C. told her we were engaged now. Apparently he's talked about me a great deal. And since he's in the habit of going around showing my picture to people, they all knew who I was. Bowling and pizza I could take or leave, but it was great to be included. I was expected to be there, really. I bowled terribly, but enjoyed talking to some new people - including the high school senior now dating C's 18-year-old daughter.

We wrapped it up with a family birthday party and an ice cream cake back at the house. I was one of the honorees, actually, having reached the ripe old age of 41 about 10 days earlier. The other was D., C.'s son, recently turned 15. With seven teenagers and five adults, things were pretty lively.

C. and I slipped away to call my closest family members with the news of our engagement. Then we went to a hot-tub place - a pricy but pleasant indulgence for when we want to be alone together. This seemed like a good day for it.

So, now we can move toward the next chapter. C. would really like to nail down a lot of the wedding details before the end of January. For you Myers-Briggs fans, he's all "J" and I'm more of a "P," so where he feels the need for closure I resist committing to a course too soon. He's more stressed by the lack of decision, I'm more stressed when I feel pressured to make a decision. I'd prefer to do what needs to be done as I feel it needs to be done - not before. Not when I don't know what I want. I can't picture how to either pursue or let go of my dreams - most of which have to do much less with things like dresses and flowers and more with things I can't control like who should come and how they should behave.

We're aiming for June. I'm hoping to pull off a wedding for less than, say, $5000. Think it can be done?

Arizona Prays

2011-11-10T10:54:00.004-07:00

I went to Arizona at the end of September. After dragging my feet to book a room for the conference I was to attend, I learned there was no room at the inn. At the last minute I contacted a local acquaintance and asked if I could stay with her. Barbara was delighted to take me in.

She also told me great stories about the things the Lord is doing among believers in Arizona, some of them part of a national initiative to raise up 10,000 intercessors in every state. Want to know more? Maybe you could use some of these ideas in your own context!

1. God Bless Arizona Prayer Walk: Leading up to the state’s centennial (February 14, 2012) Christians are walking the streets of every city and town praising God and inviting his blessings on their state. Can you think of a better way to acknowledge God's goodness and welcome his work in the years to come?

2. Border Initiative: Christians in Arizona, California, and Texas are also prayerwalking along our country’s Southern borders, seeking God for transformation in the border towns and among the peoples of both the US and Mexico. Learn more from BridgeBuilders.

3. Prayer in the Public Schools: Recognizing the importance and influence of the education system in their communities, Christian leaders in Arizona organized 11 all-night prayer gatherings in different schools, set to culminate 11-11-11 (tomorrow!) What a way to bring prayer back into the schools! Learn more at eleven11.

4. Prayer Torches: Several prayer “torches” are touring the area, inspired by the Olympic torch it seems. Everywhere they go people are gathering to pray 24/7. Indian reservations have been participating as well. Learn more from Lite The Fire.

I live out by Neptune.

2011-11-09T16:02:00.000-07:00

Eugene, my new town, has its very own 1:1 billionth scale model of the solar system. It's designed to show how small and widely spaced the planets really are, relative to the sun. Models of the orbs are spaced out along the riverside bike path.

I live right by Neptune. Who wants to come out for a visit?

When I get my bike fixed up I'll have to take a tour of this solar system. And if I ever get lost, I'll just need to use a little celestial navigation...

Tell a man about a fish, and he eats (but maybe just in theory)

2011-11-02T14:22:00.005-06:00

Friends and observant readers will have picked up that while I love to serve people and am reasonably capable at taking care of my own day-to-day needs, my cleverness is more in the realm of words, ideas, systems, shimmering repartee, and the like - not practical matters like how to drive a stick-shift car, finesse some other piece of machinery, find something I need, or get from point A to point B.

I'm not great with my hands, particularly well coordinated, or adept at spatial reasoning. And yes, I'm one of those people you could describe as "directionally challenged." I've been lost in more countries than - well, than most of you.

I can navigate any of those challenges but I have to try harder and it may just take me longer. When I'm in charge, I can rise to the occasion and exude the capability and confidence necessary to lead others, but it takes a lot of focus and a healthy dose of grace. Which is good, right? Patience, humility, grace?

But moving into a new house and being given the run of another has meant hearing where a lot of things were kept and how various things work, and I'm not sure how much I got down. It's a little too embarrassing to say, wait, can you just put that into writing for me? I'm not completely at sea, but often have to try three or four times to unlock a door or open every cupboard trying to remember or discover where the _____ is kept.

Anyway, my slowness on the uptake with these things has reminded me of the difference between telling somebody how something is done and teaching them to do it. I mean, there is a BIG difference. If the guy at the storage unit told me the code for the gate or the padlock and had me put it in, I would probably have learned the trick with him watching and correcting me instead of struggling through on my own with nobody around. If someone said, "Get the cookie sheet out of the top drawer" instead of just telling me the cookie sheet is in the top drawer or taking it out for me, I think I'd be able to find that cookie sheet again.

I don't want to put the onus on my "teachers," but it does motivate me to watch out for the same trap in my own teaching. To tell somebody how to do something is not the same as to train them how to do it.

Training takes longer, but it sticks better than a lecture does.

My New Life

2011-11-01T14:15:00.011-06:00

C. manned the moving truck - following me the whole way
across country as I drove the car. It was great to have his
reassuring presence at my back. Several days after we came
through some of the roads we drove were closed by snow.

Just a quick personal update for y'all. Sorry I haven't been blogging. With three significant writing projects hanging over me (and several small ones), puttering around in the blogosphere is hard to justify. Much as I enjoy it.

October was a crazy month! Packing, moving, and saying goodbyes brought what seemed an endless swirl of emotion and a flood of logistical tasks. I had to step up and deal with all kinds of things I prefer not to face, and it was hard not be crabby and stressed out about it. And when I was crabby about it, I felt terrible. Somewhere along the way - maybe a couple of decades ago - I seem to have picked up an idea that I'm supposed to be able to take everything in stride, and I can't.

What will November be like? A little less intense, I think. Even though C. is dying to give me the engagement ring tucked away in his sock drawer. I know. You're excited about that. So am I.

But I don't want the ring, not yet. I've only been here a week. I'm still wrestling with culture shock, homesickness, ambiguity, and new relationships - it's all a bit much. Psychologically, it reduces my stress a bit to be able to tell people I moved to Oregon to get married and let them interpret that as they like, without having to be - in my own mind anyway - actually engaged.

I'm not ready to be engaged. Why is that? C doesn't understand it. I think it's just that I want to feel a bit more steady on my feet when when I make that commitment. So I can say, "I, Marti Smith, being of sound mind, agree to marry you." Rather than a frazzled, "Ah, OK, what the heck!" I think Thanksgiving would be a good time to cross that particular threshold. But when I get through today's rapids, are there just more on the other side?

Am getting along fine with both C's family and the folks I'm living with. Wish I could manage a bit more quality time with the latter, but so far it hasn't been possible. Ah well; little by little. I like them; I think they will like me. My desire to start putting down roots and establish viable daily patterns has been delayed a bit by family responsibilities. Maybe a reality check, a picture of what is to come. In the last week I've not only moved into a new house (with all the tasks that go with that) but also attended three water polo games, picked up our boy from school a couple of times, and been charged with staying at the family homestead during the day to take care of the dog, receive the trick-or-treaters, etc. for a week while C's folks are out of town.

It's nice to be wanted. But I'm trying to put in eight hours of work a day and keep up with grad school. My head is only just barely above the water. November 12, Saturday morning, I leave town for a week - and have to both make arrangements for a place to park my car in Portland and make sure I get a new driver's license by my birthday, two days before.

So it's a busy time, and I feel excited but also unsettled.

D, front right, with his high school water polo team.
Swim team starts in a few weeks. Today is D's birthday: he's 15.

Packing House

2011-10-15T15:25:00.008-06:00

Like me, this box turtle is toting all his earthly belongings.

I wouldn't describe myself as a habitually organized person, but the act of organizing things - well, that's different. I love sorting and synthesizing, making sense out of chaos.

Going through all I've accumulated in the 15 or so years I have lived in this house is a lot of work. But by the time I'm done - by the time C. and I pull out next Saturday morning, driving a moving truck and my car - everything I own will have been assessed, sorted, boxed, and packed.

Traveling with all my belongings, all at once, and sealing it all up in a truck for 3-4 days - most of it going into a storage unit after that - already it feels like quite a different experience than moving across town with a couple of carloads and a friend or two who has a pickup.

There's a certain sense of freedom from packing this way.

I think it comes from having been so thorough and deliberate about it. My nearly 1000 books are in 25 numbered banker boxes; I have lists of what's in the plastic bins of kitchen things. I used tape to mark out an 5x10' rectangle on the garage floor; everything that goes in the storage unit has to fit in that space. The things that go to the house, with me, they go outside the tape, but have to fit in my half of the garage.

I think it's all going to work.

I'll be living with a married couple who split their time between Oregon and India. Putting all my things into storage and moving into a small house with people I don't really know may feel a little crowded and awkward, I know - there's a tradeoff between autonomy and companionship. I trust we'll become friends. Who knows, maybe life-long friends!

A week or so before Christmas R. and L. take off for the winter and don't return until April. So then I can have the place to myself, and they can rest easy knowing that someone is holding down the fort.

Counting the Cost: Leaving My Library

2011-10-10T10:45:00.015-06:00

The fabulous Highlands Ranch Library.

You've heard of food deserts, right? Looks like I'm moving into a book desert. The library system in what will be my new neighborhood, well, it's not a system at all. Volunteers started the thing in 2005. You have to pay to join. Just $15 a year, but still. It's an ugly little building open about 20 hours a week, with 15,000 books. No county-wide sharing, either.

I can't tell, but seriously doubt they have wifi or comfortable chairs. So, alas: looks like it won't be my home away from home, my best place to work, as the main Highlands Ranch Library has been.

I'll miss you, Douglas County! (Don't tell, but I may hold onto my card and check out electronic copies to read on my computer or listen on my iPod.)

I can legitimately get a card for the Eugene public library system for $120 a year. C's family owns some property in city limits. He thinks he can renew his card - expired! - and let me use it. That would be free.

Even their libraries are not nearly as nice as ours here in Douglas County, though. No fireplaces or glorious views; nobody coming to play the harp on a Sunday afternoon (!) Guess I'll need to investigate coffee shops that are friendly to laptop hobos.

A little over a year ago I went to visit Eugene for the first time in decades. Among other things I went to poke around my old haunts near the university. There I ran into another problem that practically brought me to tears, one I never had to face as a college student without a car. Yes, parking. Parking anywhere near campus - especially if you don't want to pay for it - is very, very difficult. Even more so for someone like me who has trouble with street parking (due to my utter absence of depth perception).

OK, I shouldn't whine. I'm going to survive this loss!

But I think these differences reflects a couple aspects of regional culture that are not the same between my home here on the edge of the Midwestern prairies and my old/new home in the Pacific Northwest.

One thing is that here we have plenty of space, space for anything. When my dad and stepmom came to visit they found it almost offensive: everything is spread out. Seemed wasteful to them. I understand why.

Second, I'd have to say Coloradans are more hospitable and generous than Northwesterners. They have some of the individualism that marks culture across the West, but there's a higher level of trust, and at least in the suburbs a considerably lower level of crime. Unemployment is much higher in Eugene, and nobody seems to have as much money. I'm moving from a richer area to a poorer one.

Wonder what other ways these dynamics will affect what my life is like there?

The Cookie Factor

2011-10-05T19:34:00.006-06:00

I recently attended a conference at a hotel that had quite high rates on its rooms, but with the selling point that there were free, warm, chocolate-chip cookies at the front desk.

(Mmmmmm...)

The airline on which I traveled to get to that conference tends to nickel-and-dime its patrons at every turn, but comfort them with free, warm, chocolate-chip cookies at the end of each flight.

(Num num num...)

Likewise, at the place where I get my car's oil changed, they are always trying to up-sell customers ambiguous additional services - but also provide free, warm, chocolate-chip cookies.

Do you sense a plot?

Do such enticements work on you? Why or why not? 'Fess up, chocoholics!

Beautiful Dresses

2011-09-27T06:58:00.009-06:00

The "Beautiful Girl" number in Singing in the Rain

When I think of what I'd feel fabulous wearing - say, as a wedding dress - the things I don't like come to mind faster than the things I do.

And topping the list would be gowns that show off my armpits.

Yup. I want sleeves.

Sigh. What is it with formal wear? Just about everything I see these days is sleeveless, often featuring a plunging neckline and/or bare back. Most are strapless, actually. I'd say 90% of the wedding gowns I see for sale are topless - er, I mean, strapless.

They look fine on the models, but it's hard to imagine such a thing on myself. It seems that sleeves (except itty-bitty capped sleeves) have become severely unfashionable.

I don't think this was the case a decade or two ago when most of my friends were getting married. Was it? Didn't most of them have straps, sleeves, something of the sort?

Does wanting my skin covered in public - especially on a day when I want to look my best - mark me as hopelessly out of date? Even on the Mormon modest-bride website, sleeves were in short-supply. Hmmm...

Oh, I will try some of them on, those sexy numbers, but since I never ever wear sleeveless shirts, I don't see how I could enjoy wearing a dress like that.

Also:
- I don't want to pay much more than $200.
- I don't look good in white - nor in ivory or pastels. I'm more the jewel-tone type.

Any chance that finding a classic pattern along lines that I like, buying my own fabric, and finding a lady who likes to sew could keep the price down? Or is that more likely to make it go up?

Why can't wedding dresses
look more like this? (source).
How about it? Same dress comes
in black (bridesmaids?)
I'd still wear a veil and carry
flowers. Too plain?

I may still end up in a fluffy white topless - er, I mean, strapless - dress, off the rack, and be happy with it - after all, it's just for one day. I haven't tried any on yet, and maybe they wouldn't look and feel as bad as I imagine.

But I'm toying with the idea of going "ethnic." South Asia has the best clothes; in my opinion no improvement can be made on a silk salwar kameez, especially the longer ones that look less like pantsuits and more like dresses. How about one of those in fuchsia or crimson?

How Do Churches Decide Which Missionaries to Support?

2011-09-23T19:02:00.007-06:00

Which way is the wind blowing?

One of my big projects this week has been crunching the data from a survey I helped my mission agency design and conduct. The survey was sent to mission leaders in about 3000 churches that support field workers sent out through our agency. We were not trying to understand the American church at a whole, just trying to do a better job understanding the churches that partner with our agency in some way. We wanted to know what the global outreach in these churches really looks like, how they make decisions, what is important to them, what they want from mission agencies, and yes, what they think of us.

We received 331 completed responses as well as another 50 or so partial responses. Since the survey was conducted over email and went out over a weekend - in the deadest month of the summer - I am actually surprised we got such a high rate. I think this data could be very helpful.

My research consultant says we would need at least 500 responses to draw the strong correlations between the different bits of data that we were hoping for. But what we got is kind of a windsock, he said. After a second I realized he meant that they would show us which way the wind was blowing. Fair enough. I watched the data as it was coming in, and later responses largely echoed the initial ones. I think if we had twice as much data it would stack up along the same lines. Our data is good, as far as it goes, but it's not enough for statistically reliable correlations.

I have virtually no experience in this kind of data analysis, so I don't want to draw conclusions too quickly. I'm learning. If you are interested I can share the final report when it is done. Here's a glimpse, though. One of the questions we asked was about how churches decide which missionaries to support. I thought it might interest those of you who raise your own support. On average, each of these churches supported 24 missionary families/couples/individuals (though many supported fewer than ten and several supported more than 100).

What selection filters do you prefer or require for missionaries you support?

10 = Always …………….……………………………………… 1 = Never

	10	9	8	7	6	5	4	3	2	1
Raised up from within our church	70	50	63	37	21	32	2	11	8	19
Connected to someone in our church	48	42	50	28	27	27	4	30	18	30
From within our tradition or denomination	24	26	38	37	34	36	14	17	24	53
From other churches in our community	4	7	8	25	34	41	25	44	35	76
Aligned with our strategic focus or values	144	70	45	11	17	12	2	7	4	10

I was not surprised at the high number of churches that placed a high value on supporting home-grown missionaries. Many churches are only really interested in supporting those they consider "their own people." This came up in an informal interview I had with a long-time leader in our agency while I was deciding what to put on the survey. I asked him if he'd noticed any big changes in how and where new workers are raising financial support. He told me it used to be common for a missionary to have 10-15 supporting churches, but now most did not have more than 2-3.

Looking at this from the point of view of the person trying to raise their support, it might be a little discouraging. If being - or having been - an active member of a church is a requirement for support, trying to raise support from churches that "don't know you" is a pretty tough sell. If you grew up in one church and your parents are still there, and your spouse is from another church, and after college you were worship leader or youth pastor at a third, and then you moved to another city and became part of a church there - well, you might have a lot of church support. Otherwise, maybe not. Better to look to individuals. And maybe some of those individuals will help you foster a relationship with their churches... a relationship strong enough to get you the "connected to someone at our church" points.

I'm sorry if this all sounds a little greedy. I'm just trying to sort it out. And I do wear several hats: mission committee member, mission mobilizer, mission supporter, and support-raising missionary. So I've felt the tensions.

I was a little surprised to see community and denominational ties ranked so low on this survey. For the support-raiser, maybe that suggests that while referrals may be a good way to raise support from individuals they are not so useful when it comes to contacting churches. But that may reflect the culture of our agency's conservative-leaning support base. Many are independent Bible churches and my guess is that they are a bit hesitant to link arms with other churches. Since that's not really the sea I swim in, I'm not sure. I suspect my Presby pals would be more likely to see nearby churches as allies than competitors. Sure is nice for the missionary if they can have multiple supporting churches in the same community. But maybe that's not happening so much these days.

Of course the stand-out number in this dataset is the priority given to supporting mission efforts and missionaries who are aligned with the church's strategic focus or values. Really? Do that many churches have a strategic focus or articulated values? The church I'm part of has had trouble setting any kind of strategic focus. Feels too much like favoritism. We treat our support commitments more like marriage (a matter of loyalty) rather than business (a matter of strategy). Our support decisions say to our ministry partners, "Where you go, we'll go with you." We hate to say no, except to strangers; we hate to drop people, once we have a real relationship with them.

But maybe other church mission leaders think more critically. To me, this result suggests that someone raising support would do well to look for support and other connections within churches that already show a high commitment to the kind of work they are doing. I mean, you could be your church's first, only, and most beloved missionary, but if that church falls apart or loses interest, you'll want to have some allies elsewhere. You may be able to find them among people who really dig (and support) your kind of ministry already.

There were some things we didn't ask, and maybe couldn't. Do you think mission committees and other gatekeepers really make decisions about money based on something else, like where you're going to be serving, the size of your family or budget, how cute your kids are, or if you can tell stories that make them laugh and cry?

Randoms

2011-09-21T10:23:00.007-06:00

Chris "sent" me these flowers today. Nice, no?

Sometimes it's the little things that make you feel most alive. Like the exquisite small pang of getting up to pour your second cup of morning coffee and finding you've already had it. Deb and I were laughing about that this weekend. Mmmm, coffee!

* * *

I sent a newsletter yesterday afternoon. It's already generated a record number of responses - primarily, I believe, because it implied I am engaged to be married.

That's not actually the case. But it's not a huge problem if people draw such a conclusion. Chris and I agreed months ago that we intend to marry. He's ready to buy a ring. We're talking about dates in June. A marriage proposal is just a matter of form. Since that's how things are, we're considering an engagement party in November or December during which we would carry out that rite of passage in the midst of friends and witnesses. Bit unconventional, but I think it sounds fun.

No, I don't know where we'll have the wedding. But probably someplace in Oregon so as to avoid the stress of long-distance planning.

* * *

original watercolor by Megan Noel (for sale)

A few days ago I passed through our neighborhood park while on a walk to clear my head. Two little boys coming down the path were cradling something in a T-shirt. I was intrigued.

Yup, a garter snake. They were happy - eager - to show it off the little beauty. "We're going to keep him for a week! Or for a long time! and when he [sic] lays eggs, we'll sell the babies for pets!"

I wonder how the next scene played out with their mom(s)?

* * *

My sister lost her job some months ago. While she's been looking for work she's kept herself sane and happy by doing a lot of drawing and painting. The results are pretty fabulous. It's not easy to make a living as an artist. She knows she needs a day job to pay the bills. But it's encouraging that some of her art is selling. Meg has several shows this fall and is getting business through her Etsy shop.

Taking Wing

2011-09-06T01:15:00.004-06:00

Image from Brianna Martray Fine Art; photo by Tony Gallagher

The stroll out to the A concourse at Denver International Airport often has some of my city's most interesting art.

Currently the walkway is home to an installation of thousands of folded paper cranes, all in white. Looking more closely I saw that the paper had words. Hmm... must be recycled.

The story begins with a massive novel to which the artist gave eight years of her life. The book, however, never came to life on its own. About five years ago she gave up on it and began cutting up the manuscript pages lying around her house and folding them into paper cranes.

Since both her computer and back-up hard drive were later stolen, these cranes are all that remain of Brianna's finished novel.

Maybe Brianna was never meant to be a writer. But she's found a path for herself as a visual artist.

Wonder what things you and I have poured ourselves into or clinged to that might better take wing in a different form?

>> See a previous post about airport art.

Mission Mobilization: What Makes Good Deeds Good?

2011-09-01T07:00:00.023-06:00

I've been thinking about good deeds and what it takes to make them good. Good intentions? Good results? Both? Neither?

I've been reading and writing about short-term missions lately. Lots of debate on the internet. I've noticed that some STM advocates believe that the primary benefit is for those who go - often true - and that this is enough to justify the STM.

Sometimes they use a lot of spiritual language: After all [if we can assume God is calling you?] it's not about the results, about what you accomplish, it's about obedience and what God does in your heart through it.

I'm not sure that's a very strong argument. I'm still wrestling with it. Ultimately I don't think it's a question we can answer in abstract and universal terms. God isn't writing the same story in every life.

But certainly (as the popular book puts it) there are times when helping hurts; it can hurt the very people we want to serve. I cringe to see so many people responding to, say, a natural disaster, by making some small sacrifice to feel good about themselves and give someone else a handout. Particularly when it means gathering up stuff in our rich country - sometimes really inappropriate stuff - and sending it to a poor one, thus creating dependency, hurting the local markets, etc. Far better to facilitate the distribution of locally available resources.

And the cities, countries, and regions that receive the most of this sort of aid, for decades or centuries, sometimes just get poorer, more corrupt, etc.

I don't want to take a holier-than-thou or self-righteous approach and just say:

Those people, they need to learn to be more responsible, and we're going to punish them by not giving them any more money or stuff until they get their act together!

No. What I'm saying is:

We who give, we need to learn to be more responsible. Let's discipline ourselves by not giving on impulse, not giving money or stuff until we've done our research!

Usually, after some big disaster, people are looking for not just ways to give but ways to be more deeply involved.

"Yes, we live in a world where some want to DO more than they want to HELP," writes Ed Stetzer in a recent post on disaster relief, "but at the end of the day that is more selfish than helpful. Ministering to disaster victims should be about meeting their needs, not fulfilling our need to feel helpful."

Our checkbooks may do more good than our presence. And we who give should be aware of the high cost of giving what we have and think is needed, rather than asking someone on the ground.

Church Mobilization: Handles for Global Outreach

2011-08-31T11:59:00.007-06:00

It's been a while since I posted much that's ministry oriented. But a couple of pieces are brewing. Here's the first.

Churches can be such busy places... sometimes the things that make our churches seem most alive (lots and lots of creative new ministries!) make leaders and other potential participants feel more dead (I can't do one more thing!). So some of us fight to get out of that rat race, trying to take control of our lives and our ministries and streamline them. Keep them simple, focused, efficient. Good move, right?

I'm not so sure. Not if it means there's no place for people to plug in, to find community, to make a contribution. Can you have a healthy church if people aren't connected?

I've been impressed by the stories I've heard about this church and this one. Both took a look at their global outreach ministries and saw them the way many of us see our small group ministries: as a way to develop leaders, foster relationships, make disciples. Staff and leaders chose to see their job as opening the door for others to participate. Their mission programs have plenty of handles, and if someone in the church has an idea they are welcomed and supported as they put it into action. Don't get me wrong; there's quality control, there's leadership. They don't say yes to everything and they don't support 200 ministries at $25 a month.

But they don't leave their global ministries program in the hands of a committee of half a dozen seasoned mission-types, either; they give it away. I think we'd see more healthy churches if we did that.

It's also a way to get away from church mission programs being all about the missionaries. In many cases that doesn't work so well. I know in my church we've fallen back on this. Our goal in mobilizing our church for missions is merely to get people in our congregation to care about the missionaries someone decided to support a couple decades ago. We care about those missionaries, we mission-committee people, but that's because we know them. Most of the folks in the congregation don't. That may be our fault. So should we just try harder, put up their pictures, print everyone a directory, etc? (I'm working on revising the directory, now.)

The problem is that having missionaries pushed on you is kind of like having old friends send you baby pictures of their kids and grandkids. You've never met these babies. Maybe you never will. Do you really want their picture on your fridge, these random babies that belong to someone you may love but who never seems to be included in the picture? Yet any resentment you may feel is tempered by guilt. I mean, what kind of a jerk doesn't care about babies? I think it's the same, in the Christian community, with missionaries.

Whether the "handles" to church mission involvement are hosting, praying for, or assisting a missionary (one, probably, not 30 of them) or something different, I think we need to keep finding those handles. Let's look for the ways people want to engage.

>> Got a good story about a church whose people have many ways to engage in global outreach? I'd love to hear it. Post a comment here or write to me.

Cleaning My Desk

2011-08-25T09:48:00.007-06:00

Once I planned to write a book of poems entirely about the things in my pockets. But I found it would be too long; and the age of the great epics is past. - G.K.Chesterton ("A Piece of Chalk," in Tremendous Trifles, 1909)

Last night I cleaned out my desk and emptied the two-drawer filing cabinet next to it. I kept some treasures but I also threw away Christmas cards, newsletters, birth announcements, notes from Bible studies and sermons, receipts from purchases of long ago. How long do you save things like that?

I think I know why I save them. When someone teaches me something and I write it down, or passes out a resource list at a workshop, or sends me something in the mail, some part of me seems to believe I have to hold onto it in order to honor that person, their preparation, the connection we have with one another.

Do all these pieces of paper have the same effect on you, or is it just me? How thankful I am that the world has taken a decided turn away from paper. I still print things out, write things down, and open the mail. But I don't have to hold onto that article; I can find it on the internet. I don't need to save your card; I can find you on Facebook. If I need to save my notes I type them up. And most of the newsletters come to me by email now.

I don't have a scanner. Maybe that's what you were going to suggest. I do still have a key to the old office if I wanted to use the one there. So far I haven't. It's easier to throw the paper away.

The things I chose to keep, at least for now, may not be "more important" than what I tossed. I'm not sure. But since there are fewer of them, they may prove more useful. Less likely to get lost or forgotten amid the clutter. I'm hoping to travel more lightly through the world. Or at least through my next move. I've been in this house since 1997.

The reason for this season of purging is that I'm getting ready to move to Oregon and start a new life there. Knowing that Chris is there waiting for me makes it easier to let go of stuff and the relationships they represent, relationships that took the place of family for me for so many years. (Sorry, family!)

Maybe I'll write a blog post or two about the treasures that turned up on these boxes. And share my the list of reasons I'm grateful and excited about the adventure before me.

When I finish going through the personal and household items I will have another go at purging work files. Will continue the process I wrote about here (and probably elsewhere). It's true that about once a month I dig into my four-drawer file cabinet or the boxes in the garage to find something I don't have on my laptop. But most of it is on the computer.

And what about the carefully packed and labelled boxes they agreed to keep at the old office for me? They're still there, and I still have a key. Do I bring them home or take them to the dumpster out back? Will I have a place to put them when I get to Oregon? After all, it's not like I'm leaving my job; it comes with me. I like being the one people can ask when they are looking for some long-lost thing. I see myself as more archivist than packrat. The truth is somewhere in the middle. And with most of those files, it's a long shot that I'll need them again. I think that with my eyes fixed on the future I can release more of those papers and folders as well.

>> See also: Moving On After Moving In (and other articles) by Susan Miller

From around the blogosphere: personal development

2011-08-23T12:46:00.003-06:00

Some things I read this summer that stuck with me:

Kay Day on proclaiming insecurities as truths (Loop de Loops in La La Land)
Jon Acuff on the god in our heads (Stuff Christians Like)
Jon Swanson on practicing marriage (300 Words a Day)
Seth Godin on the overwhelming fear of being wrong (Seth's Blog)

Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Psalm 103:1-5

My New Laptop Cord, and Marketers v. Lawyers

2011-08-18T19:55:00.015-06:00

Maybe I told you how the day before I went to Siberia the power cord for my Toshiba laptop suddenly stopped working. I barely had enough juice to make a backup of files before abandoning the whole machine to the care of a clever friend. I finished my day's editing work on a computer at our local library, packed up, and went to the other side of the planet.

It turned out to be less a problem than I'd expected. Reduced to an iPod Touch and portable keyboard - gifts from a generous friend - I had little trouble keeping up with notes and correspondence while overseas. All I'd need to get my email, etc. was an internet connection, and that was not so hard to come by in a prosperous city. Even in Siberia. Remarkable how our tech needs have shifted from software and hardware to services and access, isn't it?

Meanwhile, back in Littleton, my tech friend discovered where my laptop cord was broken. He sliced off the end, soldered on a new piece from a machine in the junk pile, and carefully bound it up with duct tape.

This fix worked for almost five months. Then the connection, loosened by my usual degree of rough-ish handling, stopped working consistently. Sometimes it produced sparks!

Chris noticed when he came to visit. This man of mine has a special relationship with technology - the way some people are great with kids or trusted by animals. It's a little eerie. I sense his equipment would never end up in such sorry shape. We shall see how patient he is with me and my ways. Or maybe he'll reform me.

"Fire danger," he declared. "We'll have to see about getting a new cord." I nursed it another month or so before I knew: It was time. The cord was getting too temperamental. I'd have to take action.

Monday I shopped around online and ordered my new cord. To my amusement the supplier was able to identify a great many features possessed by my new power cord, including a "Velcro cord management system." How's that for playing up a piece of plastic-coated fabric that sticks to itself? I said to myself: Marketers have been here!

Today the box came, and I saw that the lawyers had bested the marketers. Or at least they made sure they'd have their say. Three little booklets with a total of 75 pages of information and instructions, some in other languages. Also an extra piece of paper with this ominous threat:

WARNING: Handling the cord on this product will expose you to lead, a chemical known to the State of California to cause birth defects or other reproductive harm. Wash hands after handling.

Questions:

1. Do you still use a laptop? Some? Less than you used to? Other devices serve you just as well?

2. Do you see the inclusion of a piece of Velcro as a "feature"?

3. Would you wash your hands after handling a computer cord that might expose you to lead? Do you think the State of California is onto something?

4. Do you pay more attention to marketers, or lawyers, or view both through a veil of skepticism?

5. Did you know that snake charmers play music because the instrument looks like a stick for hitting the snake, not because snakes can be charmed by music? No ears. Oh, wait, that has nothing to do with this blog post.

Lovelife FAQ

2011-08-12T07:00:00.059-06:00

In continuing the theme of my previous post, transparency: A couple of friends with a soft spot for love stories have asked for more info on this relationship I'm in. Who is this guy I'm dating, and what's our story? I'm a little shy about showing my inmost thoughts, but maybe this is a good venue to share the facts.

Who is this guy? His name is Chris.

What's he like? He's kind, friendly, stable, positive, helpful, and in other ways wonderful. And he's made it a high priority to love and encourage me. I'm amazed by that.

Where does he live? Eugene, Oregon.

Where did you meet? About 20 years ago when we were both in college. We've stayed in touch in an exchange-Christmas-cards-and-newsletters kind of way. We were fans and supporters of each other's ministries and used to encourage one another and talk shop. But of course, he was married, so neither of us saw the other as anything but a platonic friend.

Oh, he was married? Yes. Divorced painfully (but finally) several years ago.

Any kids? Two teenagers: a 17-year-old daughter and 14-year-old son. Yes, I've met them and I really like them, though we haven't had much time together at this point. They split time between their dad's and their mom's nearby. Chris is a real family guy. "Cool - package deal!" I'm thinking - though I know that building a life together may hold significant adjustments for someone like me who's lived such a different story thus far.

How did you get together? Went on a date last August, another in December, and started communicating more, and then...

How long have you been an item? Since the beginning of February. Mostly long distance, obviously. Got to change that. Though I'm grateful for technological developments. Long-distance phone calls no longer cost an arm and a leg and we can even video-conference pretty easily, every day, even when I'm traveling. That's been a great help in staying connected, getting to know one another, and keeping things fairly "real."

Is he into missions, too? Yes and no. He's more of a hands-on "ministering to human need" kind of guy. He enjoys serving people and loving God. Serves as a volunteer EMT and chaplain for his local fire department. He's got a medical-ish day job as well, enough to pay the bills while he works on an MDiv degree to qualify him as a full-time chaplain down the road.

The global missions world I swim in is part of his background, though: Chris was a mission major in college. In fact, he was on his way to serve in Africa in the mid-90s when his mission agency discovered he was a techie and asked him to come to HQ as their first webmaster and internet-based mission mobilizer. He did that for a decade. And as I said, we were big fans of each other's ministries and helped each other regularly during that time. No, he doesn't want to be a webmaster anymore; not enough interaction with people.

Chris can see being a missionary... but also loves living out his faith in a more secular world, too.

At first I thought this relationship wouldn't work because we seem to be on different paths in ministry. Yet as long as we value and support each other's service - and we do - the differences don't seem to be a deal-breaker. We both have diverse skills and interests. How God might lead us to serve together down the road is an open question.

What's next? For the sake of the kids, of course, Chris needs to stay in Eugene. I'm in a position to be more flexible. I'm preparing to move so we can be together. It's rather handy that after going to college there I know I like the city, climate, and culture. It's closer to my family and old stomping grounds in Washington, too. My supervisor is supportive of the move. I believe I can continue my work from there - including raising support to cover salary, benefits, and expenses. (My budget may change a little but it's more likely to go up than down.)

How can we pray for you? Ask God for an affordable and appropriate living situation for me. I've got some commitments in Denver in early October but would like to move after that. It's a little awkward at this point: I'm not sure I can move until I've got a place to live, but may not be able to find a place to live until I'm ready to move. But that's just logistics, and it's not the main thing. Pray for our relationship to continue to grow in fruitful ways. Ask God to guide us. And please lift up the kids. Thanks!

Newsletters, and Living Life in Public

2011-08-10T14:21:00.015-06:00

"It is like telling somebody in detail how you are before they have asked the question, How are you? Indeed, it isn’t like it; it is it.”

– Fredrick Buechner, on memoirs

Every now and again I realize how public my life has become. Today was one of those days. I send out my words to an unfiltered audience not just through this blog and mechanisms like Facebook and Twitter, but also using more intrusive means like speaking at churches or classes, making phone calls, sending email. Today a set of resource reviews went out to 5000 people; I wrote and edited them and signed them with my name.

But I also sent out what's known in missions parlance as a prayer letter. More than anything else, this responsibility has required me to be more transparent than most people are. There's a level of personal accountability built into my very job. I've got these witnesses.

Hitting a glitch in the process I'm using meant I had to push send on each of the 400+ emails. I'm not complaining about the work. Unlike so many people, I enjoy writing newsletters - and the delivery is much easier than it was in the fold-stuff-and-slap era of paper and stamps. I only do a handful that way, now. But I realized as I was sending those emails one by one that I don't know very many of the people on the other end. Some of them I met (or didn't meet) when I lectured at their Perspectives classes. They checked a box on a form to get my letters along with whatever else I may have been offering at the time. Others I may have known personally at some point but don't know if they still have much interest in hearing about my life and work. Do they really want to get these letters?

Perhaps it's time to switch over to some kind of email service that allows people to unsubscribe without having to go through me. I've mentioned that before without taking action on it!

On the other hand, I'm a big fan of weak ties. It's nice to have an easy way to stay "sort-of-in-touch" with people who share some interests, values, or experiences. As I worked my way down the list today, I remembered good times with people I haven't thought about in some time. I smiled to think of them, and wondered what they are up to. They've got the inside scoop on me, now. Maybe some will write back. I'm not looking for a one-to-one ratio, but I do like to hear from people.

Before I send another newsletter, I think I'll set a goal to respond to a dozen of those I've received from others. Let them know I'm still glad to be on their list.

See also: Personal Newsletters - All about Me or Something Good for You?

Language and/or Arts

2011-08-07T12:23:00.006-06:00

It happened again, this morning... during worship a young woman joined the band on stage to "sign" the songs we sang. Does this happen at your church? What do you make of it?

It's not like 'closed captioning for the hearing impaired," or having someone translate for the Spanish speakers among us. I'm pretty sure the only people in our congregation who understand ASL are girls like her who picked it up as an interesting challenge, second language, or something they might be able to use in ministry - or, apparently, in worship.

Since we can hear the words sung all around us and see them projected on the screen, the meaning is not lost. It's not as if she were speaking in tongues. Nobody is excluded. In fact, most of us could probably pick up some of the words from the signs alone, just as I could identify words and phrases from an article written in French or German.

But we don't have any members of the Deaf community in our church. And neither the sermon nor the announcements are signed, so if Deaf people came and wanted to feel at home they'd find rather limited service.

Is it language, or just art? Something like having an interpretive dancer join us?

See also: Learning from the Deaf How to Hear.

Animal House

2011-08-05T11:37:00.007-06:00

Do you ever have jealous or competitive feelings toward the animal world? It seems a little petty (no pun intended) but this is sometimes a struggle for me. Yes, even from the top of the food pyramid, from the apex of the animal kingdom, I don't like it when people treat their pets as, well, top dog.

So I get sulky to be scolded for scooting a dog off the sofa so I can sit down - while if he destroys my slippers it's somehow my fault. I feel slighted when having the cat's favorite treats is higher priority than making sure there's coffee in the house for me. No, it doesn't reflect well on my character, I know!

Currently I share digs with a tabby cat named Lucy. Not my cat, and not quite our cat - but sort of. Really my housemate's cat. And I find myself a little miffed that my complaints of ants on the counters got no hearing until the little critters were found in Lucy's bowl. THEN the varmint-elimination process was speedily enacted.

Like decisions about pet care, deciding what to do about the ants and acquiring the necessary supplies is basically D.'s responsibility. She pays for utilities and most household costs; I write a check for my share. She is the brains of our operation; I, the brawn. I open lids on jars and get things down from top shelves. I mow the lawn, take out the trash, vacuum, and actually clean out the litter box as well. For the most part this is a good arrangement. But as in any household, we have slightly different values and priorities and have to make sure we're giving each other grace and tolerance.

You know, she's a cracker-jack researcher, this roommate of mine. She systematically researched and implemented several non-toxic anti-ant strategies using household products. Too bad the vinegar didn't work. When other efforts failed, she found and picked up some ant traps that are specially made to trap these particular ants. D. may be a big animal lover but has no soft spot for bugs - luckily. Did I say she's an ace at solving any plumbing problems, too?

I do sometimes wish for a man around the house. I don't mind being brawn, but I'm not actually "handy." When the guy I'm dating came out to visit recently, he washed and waxed my car, pointed out my license plate tags were expired (I hadn't noticed), and replaced a florescent light fixture that was no longer working. I purred louder than Lucy.

What may be my favorite thing about my housemate - D., I mean, not Lucy - is how well she knows and understands me. She can finish my sentences; she knows what I mean even when I can't put the words together right. She likes to listen, laughs at the same things and enjoys the same kind of stories as I do, gives good advice. An excellent companion.

And I think she's mostly solved our ant problem.

Consumer Campouts

2011-08-01T07:00:00.024-06:00

Photo: Paul Merrill

Wednesday was opening day. Yes, Colorado got its first Ikea. It seem that fans of the Swedish furniture store are legion. Thousands lined up to be among the first inside. There were certainly some perks not available to those (like me) who were content to peruse pretty pictures in a glossy catalog...

It was like Christmas in July. The Colorado store is Ikea's 38th outlet in the U.S.; to celebrate, the company pledged to give each of the first 38 customers in line on Wednesday a free sofa. The next 100, a free armchair. Earliest birds on Thursday got a queen-sized mattress. Other eager beavers got gift cards, food vouchers, and the opportunity to be first to ooh and aah over the impressive displays of fine European design.

By Monday afternoon, more than 100 people were camping out in order to save their places in line.

* * * *

That night the roommate discussed the phenomenon of consumer camp-outs with friends in her book club. "How much would they have to PAY you to camp out for 48 hours like that?!" While some of them - like Deb - had done things like that in their youth, nowadays the discomfort and inconvenience of it leaves the adventure in the shade. "A quarter of a million dollars" was the figure they settled on.

Really? I was amazed. Nobody paid the people who camped out at Ikea, did they? Certainly not thousands of dollars. People who camp out for concert tickets, film debuts, and holiday sales are there for the privilege of SPENDING money - though maybe less than they would if they didn't camp out. They aren't being paid.

Readers, would you have to be paid? How much? Would a thousand dollars do it? Less? More? What retail opportunity or incentive would it take for you to spread out your sleeping bag on the sidewalk for a day or two?

P.S.: While this Ikea may be crowded for the next couple of weeks and weekends, the store is prepared. Lines to get in had died down by 11 am on opening day.

He Sends Me Flowers

2011-07-29T13:26:00.012-06:00

My love is a romantic. He'd love to send me flowers every day. Even if he could afford that, such extravagant displays would leave me embarrassed and uncomfortable. We've found a good work-around. He snaps pictures when he's out and about and sends them to me by email, usually with a love note. Once a week, once a day, sometimes more. I have his words to go back to again and again, and the flowers never wilt or fade.

He never tells me where he takes the pictures. Chris is in and out of hospitals and nursing homes every day; he provides medical transportation for those who need more than a taxi, less than an ambulance. "Driving Miss Daisy," he calls it. "Only Miss Daisy is in a wheelchair." So I'm sure some of those who give or receive these bouquets associate them with pain and loss. For us, though, they are sheer beauty.

Digging for Reactions' Roots

2011-07-21T07:00:00.008-06:00

The other day I read a number of challenging emails before breakfast. Bad idea. When I am still sleepy and haven't made any coffee yet, my guard is down. I'm vulnerable to taking things wrong. I think it's OK to reach for my iPod and check the RSS feeds - which tend to "feed" me rather than asking anything of me - but maybe I should hold off on the emails?

Two of them were asking me to recommend solutions to problems that remain mysteries to me - requests which elicited my distaste for not knowing the answer. I felt myself growing testy.

I hate feeling ignorant.

Another came from someone who wanted me to send some files and the email providers kept rejected them. Drat. What's the workaround?

I hate feeling incompetent.

A fourth email was asking me to retract or change something I'd published... Ugh. Reminding me of all the times it's happened in the past, especially when I gave authors, promoters, or ministry leaders the chance to see, in advance, what I'd written about something they'd created. "Leave out that part about the book's weaknesses, or how old the video is, or that the conference is really mostly for the 18-25-year-old set. That the curriculum a little too American, or written for Baptists."

Don't they know my job is to serve the readers, to offer them information and discernment about whether the resource is worth their while - that it would be wrong for me to give my allegiance to the publishers and promoters? When I feel or anticipate pressure to recommend something that's not very good but that comes from someone who expects my "loyalty," well, that's hard. Then I really feel taken advantage of.

I hate betraying my own integrity.

In reflecting on it later in the day I realized my sensitivity about this last matter, especially, is probably linked not only to events of the relatively recent past, but that it pokes at a far older, unresolved sore point. Remember I wrote about that revelation from counseling that one of the big statements that echoes in my life is "you don't matter"? Or at least, that I don't matter as much as other people. That I'm supposed to keep the peace, not make trouble, toe the line, and stop telling other people what I think. Because what I think, what I want, or what I care most about, it just doesn't matter.

Well, just recognizing the roots of my reactions to each of these emails really helped. The people who asked for help in addressing sticky ministry problems, well, I could come alongside them and we could pool our ignorance (or knowledge) and maybe come up with some good ideas.

Eventually, I got the computer files to my friend in Asia. He was sympathetic to the challenge, and so grateful to be reunited with the tools he needed when they finally went through.

And even when, at the end of the day, I went back and looked at the email asking me to change my resource review... It wasn't such a big deal after all. They weren't mad at me, or demanding, but actually pleased with most of what I'd said. They were just asking for a simple change and it was one I could say yes to. So I did.

Yes!

Maybe I'll never get to the point where my responses to other people are not affected by these kind of things, when I can stop making it "about me" and no longer react to challenges out of proportion when they seem to highlight my insecurities and inabilities. But it would be great to recognize these things more quickly and put them into perspective.

Here's one thing I've found that seems to help: How to Change a Negative Character Trait (Donald Miller).

Weekend Mystery

2011-07-16T10:29:00.006-06:00

Catherine Aird. Photo from her website.

The best science fiction explores great philosophical questions, and sometimes mystery novels will do the same. But more often they lead readers on a romp through some place, occupation, or way of life of which we previously knew little. Historical fiction does the same. This may mean, for the writer, that considerable research is in order. With a mystery, the crime must be somewhat believable; its detection must line up with how things actually work.

One dubious benefit of the mystery novel is that it adds to one's knowledge of how to kill people. Such lore has yet to prove useful to me; I've never felt the need to commit a murder, nor - as far as I know - to recognize and evade the murderous intentions of another. Have you?

But it is kind of fun to learn things. How to use (or cover up) poisons like arsenic and digitalis. Where to stash a body. Ways to establish an alibi.

My friend Sharyl recently introduced me to one of her favorite mystery writers, Catherine Aird. British. Check your library for her books. Half cozy, half "police procedural." They shouldn't be hard to find. She's been writing for a long time and still is.

Don't think I'll be giving anything away if I share a brief passage from the one I just finished. Gives me a new perspective on medieval architecture - or indeed, the challenging construction of the more "modern" castle I toured with a group of friends last weekend.

"There was no chance of rushing someone standing eight feet above ground level. He knew that. Especially with stairs wide enough for only one person at a time. Builders of medieval castles had known what they were about when they designed their tiny turret staircases inside their towers. One man with a sword standing at the top of one of these could keep an army at bay."

>> Have you learned anything from reading mysteries? What are your favorite genres or authors?

The quirky Bishop's Castle,
rises from the ground
in southern Colorado.

Free to Be You and Me

2011-07-13T11:44:00.006-06:00

I went to the doctor last week and among other things got my cholesterol checked. I'd sort of forgotten what she'd told me the year before - the part about the changes I could or should make to see if those high cholesterol numbers could be brought down. After all, she'd been so encouraging: How great that you're exercising - that's the best thing you can do! Blood pressure is wonderful! 125 pounds? You're TEENY! You look so young!

When the roommate went on a serious, must-lose-weight diet, I joined her in some parts of it. I made the move to skim or 1% milk, "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter," more whole grains, and exploring all the high-fat things one can replace with a good dollop of Greek yogurt (seriously - it's yummy!). I could have done much more, but I wasn't sick, or overweight, or fighting allergies. I was just... 40. And my cholesterol was high.

Well, the numbers didn't go down. So I want to make some changes. Mostly things to add to my life, or substitutions, rather than any major overhaul.

This brings me into the boulder-strewn rapids of "healthy eating." I have to tell you, I'm a little itchy and skeptical about this. Less because I don't want to change, more because I hate to see people use their health fears and problems to judge other people and push them away. I don't want to one of those kind of people who does that, and I see it in myself to become one.

It's bad enough how often I say, "I don't want to be one of those people who...." Do you hear yourself talking like that? Oh, maybe you aren't one of those people! Yikes.

While I can change what I put in my body, I don't want to tell everybody else they need to do the same, or even suggest that they should. Food can be such an emotional thing. If marriage is in my future, I may try to woo my family to enjoy fresh, simple, homemade foods. But I don't want to say: just 'cause I'm not having butter, or salad dressing, or pop, they're off the grocery list. You can't have them either.

Not long ago I spent the night at the home of some friends who are facing very serious and inexplicable health problems. The combination of the forcefulness with which they declared how other people eat "terrible!" and the freedom with which they criticized other things that people do or like or have, it scared me. I don't want to get close to them. I don't want to risk their judgment. And I don't want to be like that. But... it's hard to avoid all together, isn't it?

So, here's one principle I think will help. I'm going to avoid talking about lifestyle choices in the second person. I'll try not to say, "that's really bad for you!" and "that's really good for you!" I'll be cautious about labeling carbohydrates, meat, or other food "good" and "bad," and even use the term "healthy" with caution. Maybe I need to watch out for saturated fats, but you are right on track. Maybe you have to be careful about sodium, but that doesn't mean I can't ask you to pass the salt.

What do you think? Any other principles that have helped you balance grace, gratitude, and freedom with discipline, restraint, and helping others?

Not Listening? Absurd!

2011-07-08T07:00:00.004-06:00

I try not to take dictionary definitions and word origins as the last word on words. Where an idea comes from doesn't always tell you much about how people use it now. Nevertheless, here's a bit of linguistic detective work to chew on. I'm "filing" this here as part of my ongoing study of the art and ministry of listening:

"The word “listening” in Latin is obedire, and audire means 'listening with great attention.' That is where the word 'obedience' comes from. Jesus is called the obedient one, that means the listener. The Latin word for not listening, being deaf, 'surdus.' If you are absolutely not listening, that is where the word 'absurd' comes from. So it might be interesting to note that somebody who is not listening is leading an absurd life."

SOURCE: Henri J. M. Nouwen, "Discovering Our Gift Through Service to Others," Speech given to members of Fadica, 199, quoted in Advent and Christmas, Wisdom from Henri J.M. Nouwen

See also: What Makes a Good Listener (April 30, 2010)

Frontier Missions: Foolhardy?

2011-07-07T07:00:00.018-06:00

I came home from my recent international trip with doubts that sending a team of Americans to be church-planters in the host city would be the best approach to engaging the less-reached Muslim community living there. Since nobody in the American churches was expressing much interest in going - literally no one in the pipeline - wouldn’t a funding, praying, learning, or partnering strategy make more sense than a sending strategy? Wouldn’t it be better to “adopt” the people group as a focus and explore all the ministry options without committing to "sending our own people” to work among them?

For some reason I was surprised, though, how many of the local Christian leaders we met in our host city seemed to think that bringing in more Americans was a bad idea. They didn’t like the idea of starting new churches, either. (What was wrong with the churches already there?)

On our return to the States a seasoned mission leader exhorted us with the following words. I've continued to chew on them ever since.

“That the existing Christians are wary, think church-planting with Muslims is foolhardy, especially by foreigners, is NORMAL. That is how it is everywhere among congregations of non-Muslim background people. "Peace at any price" even if it means letting the Muslims go into a Christless eternity!

“Are Americans ideal for church-planting there? Of course not. But neither is any other nationality. Every nationality is a trade-off, [with] pluses and minuses -- including the [majority population] who have been the enemy of Muslims for centuries! We still do not know of anyone seeking to birth a church among the ____________ and extremely few ________ are going to be drawn into the existing churches. Therefore, I would appeal to you to ‘go for it.’”

When do you press ahead, and when do you listen to those who tell you your idea is "foolhardy"?

See also: Missionary Not Welcome (Ernest Goodman)

Where Do Missionaries Go?

2011-07-06T13:49:00.010-06:00

I have a newsletter ready to send out by email. I kept it under 1000 words – a good practice. But that meant I didn't have much room to expand. So, a few more thoughts. Today: Where do we send missionaries? Tomorrow: Going without an invitation.

Where Are the World’s Missionaries?

Ever wonder where most of the world's foreign Christian missionaries go? Turns out they tend to go to the places that already have the most other foreign Christian missionaries. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, but it does raise some questions.

I know a man with a specialty in missiometrics: He measures things related to missions. T. coauthored an article which says 40% of the church’s global foreign mission resources are deployed to just 10 oversaturated countries with strong citizen-run home ministries. Curious, I wrote for more information. Turns out things have changed a bit since that article (which is based on 2001 figures), but not much. Data for 2010 lists these countries as receiving the most missionaries:

USA: 32,400
Brazil: 20,000
Russia: 20,000
Congo: 15,000
South Africa: 12,000
France: 10,000
Britain: 10,000
Argentina: 10,000
Chile: 8,500
India: 8,000
Together, these 10 countries receive 36% of the world’s 400,000+ foreign missionaries.

Source: Atlas for Global Christianity, Edinburgh University Press, 2009, p. 259.

Surprised? Russia is the world’s largest country, and India has one of the largest (and most diverse) populations, so that’s something to take into account. I was sure there would be more African countries on the list, though. Seems like everybody and their brother is going to Uganda and Kenya these days. It would also be enlightening to look at the more specific places where these missionaries are working and the populations they serve. Where are the areas of greatest duplication, or omission? And what happens when we include in such figures the engagement of more local Christians, not just the foreign ones?

A second list explores the number of foreign missionaries “per million people,” excluding countries with populations under 100,000. So it’s looking more at missionary density. This top-ten list includes Micronesia, Samoa, Tonga, Netherlands Antilles, Guam, French Polynesia, US Virgin Islands, Belize, Vanuatu, and New Caledonia. I'd like to see what countries make the bottom of that list.

I hope you weren’t expecting to find your own island. Apparently they are quite popular with the mission set.

See also: The United States - Still Number Three (J.D. Payne)

Best Thoughts from the Prince of Paradox

2011-06-30T07:00:00.004-06:00

The Quotable Chesterton: The Wit and Wisdom of G.K. Chesterton, ed. Kevin Belmont. Thomas Nelson, 2011.

The man had a way with words. An inexhaustible store of clever sentences poured from his lips and his pen. He’s been gone for many decades; you’ll find him quoted extensively in some circles, forgotten in others. The Quotable Chesterton might hold the interest of both the diehard fan and the neophyte. It compiles and categorizes more than 800 quotations from this great writer.

This work is modeled on The Quotable C.S. Lewis and published concurrently with Belmont’s biography of Chesterton (Defiant Joy: The Remarkable Life and Impact of G.K. Chesterton ). If you’re looking for Chesterton’s thoughts on a specific topic, this is a fine place to start. It will also take you places that merely trolling the internet for Chesterton quotes will not. Plus, it provides complete source documentation.

You might also be able to use the book to confirm that Chesterton really said what you’ve heard him as saying, and find out where. However, this might be more difficult as each quote is only listed in one category. If I were looking for

"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people."

I would not find it under Bible, love, neighbors, or enemies. It's instead listed under a category that might not occur to me: aphorisms.

Well, one book can’t do it all. Chesterton fans will appreciate this labor of love, and public speakers and writers may find frequent use for this compact 321-page paperback. The book also includes an introduction to Chesterton, and, interspersed with the A-Z collection, a dozen short essays Belmont has written about the man.

Much of Chesterton’s work is now in the public domain. That makes it easy to go from a quote to its source. For some fun summer reading, I’d recommend a daily dose from the best (or at least breeziest) collection of his newspaper columns, Tremendous Trifles.

Note: I requested and received a free copy of this book through Thomas Nelson's book blogging program in exchange for writing this review.

Finding Wholeness in an Age of Self-Obsession

2011-06-29T07:00:00.007-06:00

Review of The Vertical Self: How Biblical Faith Can Help Us Discover Who We Are in an Age of Self Obsession, by Mark Sayers. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2010.

Mark Sayers does an excellent job evoking the spirit of today’s popular culture in which projecting and maintaining an image, reinventing oneself, and being cool – in other words, looking to the material world and “horizontal” relationships to define who you are – have replaced a “vertical” understanding of ourselves as being created in God’s image and growing into wholeness through the pursuit of holiness.

The book is at its strongest in describing our fragmented condition, how it came about, and what its effects are. Sayers blends pop culture stories and illustrations with explanations from history and philosophy. I thought he straddled the divide between sociology and self-help fairly well. The book certainly gave me words and images for some of the things I have experienced.

I found it less successful in its attempt to call readers to wholeness through holiness; Sayers seemed to run out of steam toward the end. But he still had some thoughtful suggestions and he finishes with a well-designed plan for working through the book with a group of friends.

After reading The Vertical Self I described it to a friend who asked to borrow it. Lynda went through the book with her teenaged daughter, who easily recognized the trends Sayers described. The book gave them some valuable points of discussion for describing what it's like to be a Christian teen in today's world.

Find some quotations and personal reflections on this book in my previous posts, You Can Be Anything, But Is That What You Really Want? and Products of a Celebrity Culture.

Note: I got a free copy of this book through Thomas Nelson's Book Sneeze program.

A Farewell to Books

2011-06-27T16:59:00.008-06:00

This weekend I starting thinning what has become a rather unwieldy collection of books. Oh, it's no big deal to hang onto books when you stay in one place... But since I'm rather expecting to box up the whole kit and caboodle and move to Oregon - note, this is NOT an official announcement, just something more along the lines of a weather forecast - it's time to assess what I own and take a more deliberate stance toward all this stuff.

Anyone else got too much stuff? Sheesh. I thought I had the books under control. But the last time I counted was before I emptied my office cubicle and brought everything home. I now work from the house. The additional volumes - their ranks swollen by donations from people who left before I did - doubled the number of books on my shelves.

So, this weekend, I boxed up about 50 for the next charity pickup. As I get used to the idea I expect I'll be able to steel my will enough to pick at least another 50 or so send away. Since I'm starting with about 1000 volumes, saying goodbye to 100 should not be so hard, right?

I told my love - the impetus for the expected move - it's going to be hard enough to say goodbye to all my friends. Don't ask me to give away my books too. I'm probably a little silly about this. And I'm not sure he sees it the same way. But he's a kind and considerate man and I don't think he'll force the issue. He'll let me come to a conclusion on my own. He's good that way. He saw my mother's yarn collection, though, which is about the size of my book collection. He may wonder if he's found a woman with too much baggage.

Ah well. There are bigger issues to deal with than the book question. And it's not like we'll be moving in together. If he has to deal with my book collection at this point it will be just helping carry boxes into my (theoretical) new place.

Is being much of a book-owner justified in this day and age? After all, I do have a library card, a bank account, and a good bit of internet savvy. But I like the books themselves.... frequently re-reading them, looking stuff up in them, and passing them on to others. Recently I was able to send a good collection of stuff saved from Central Asia to an old friend moving to Sofarawayistan; I was glad I still had it. The month before, a family going to Indonesia was glad for the loan of a dozen volumes on topics they thought would help with their preparation. It was partially to fit those back on the shelves that I started thinning. So it seems worth holding onto these things. Right? Many of them, anyway... Well, I'll tackle the process in stages.

Because of the aforementioned dynamics, these days when people ask me to review a book I think twice. Often I ask for an electronic copy. If I don't end up liking the book and thinking I'll read it again, I really don't want to own it. I still get free books, though. Both wanted and unwanted.

Several of the "wanted" ones came to me through Thomas Nelson. Their BookSneeze program provides free books to bloggers who promise to write about them. And I've gotten behind. Have some promises to keep. To discharge this duty I will be posting a couple of the tidy, 200-word book reviews they prefer. One (The Vertical Self) is a book I loved and wrote about, just never did a proper review. The other (The Quotable Chesterton) is more of a reference book. Like Chesterton himself, it's great fun but a little hard to get one's arms around. But I shall review them both. Watch this space.

Then.... question is, will I request or accept more free books or put a stop to this for a while?

Why we like teaching more than learning

2011-06-24T09:50:00.000-06:00

"Most of us are better at teaching than learning. I know that I am. It’s because we know what we know, and we feel comfortable teaching that to others (most times). Learning is different. We don’t like that feeling of not knowing."

>> Read more that Chris Brogan has to say about this in his recent post Lessons.

The Ever-changing World of Air Travel

2011-06-23T07:00:00.022-06:00

Been spending time in airplanes and airports again. More, it seems, in airports than in airplanes. I think I prefer life on the ground to the thrill of cruising at 30,000 feet. Of course, it may be necessary to go to such lengths - or heights - to get from point A to point B, which is the point of the whole endeavor anyway.

A few observations about the ever-changing world of air travel:

1. High Class

I wrote before about not buying into First Class Mystique. The whole thing with getting to walk across a six-foot-long patch of red carpet, sometimes set apart by a matching velvet rope, still cracks me up.

Also, "priority boarding." Again, I prefer airports over airplanes and am in no rush to maximize my time aboard (unless I need to stash an ambitiously sized carry-on). As long as I've got an aisle seat I'd rather vie for the privilege of getting on last. Though one mustn't make the flight attendants nervous by dawdling, eh?

2. Personal Space

Flying United last week I noticed the extent to which they are pushing "Economy Plus." When you buy your ticket, when you check in, and even when you drop off your bag, you're encouraged to consider making the upgrade. It's also pushed by flight attendants and the in-flight magazine. The marketing campaign now emphasized not just more legroom, but more laptop room. Interesting...

3. BYO Entertainment

Many, many customers these days are sporting not just laptops but also Kindles, Nooks, personal game or movie-watching devices, etc. Some patrons - especially the pint-sized ones - seem unfamiliar with the concept of headphones; they share their music or sound effects with everyone on the plane.

Are the days of (airline-provided) inflight entertainment systems numbered?

4. Staying Afloat - er, Aloft

While complaining about various airlines and travel experiences is a well accepted activity among the jet set, I have to say my sympathy is with the airlines. They may do some dumb or aggravating things but they're also just struggling to keep their companies in the air. Competition is tough and prices have not increased at the same rate as costs. What they save on peanuts and plasticware and make on suitcase fees and seat upgrades can't make that much of a difference. As they say goodbye they usually acknowledge, "We know you have a choice of airlines, and appreciate your business."

>> Fellow travelers, how have you noticed the experience changing?

See also: Greatest Inventions Since the Wheel

A Sluggard Goes to the Ant

2011-06-21T10:28:00.008-06:00

Recently I ran into two people in one week who described themselves as "plodders." The great missionary pioneer William Carey used that word for himself. Asked how he was able to accomplish as much as he did, he said:

"I can plod. I can persevere in any definite pursuit. To this I owe everything."

Carey's many and long-lasting accomplishments suggest a certain brilliance, but he relied less on genius than faithfulness. He worked hard, stuck with it, loved, forgave, and partnered with others, and persevered through all kinds of obstacles: When his young son died. When his wife had a nervous breakdown, became insanely jealous, and tried to kill him. When a fire destroyed the manuscripts that contained decades of his work. When he got to the place he felt he had to resign from the mission he'd given so much to begin.

I suppose many do not think their lives can, or should, accomplish great things. Yet when we do find within ourselves the desires to do great things and change the world, do we pursue them, and how?

It seems our styles, talents, and positions matter less than our consistent availability to God. Is that what Eugene Peterson means by the title of his book, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction?

Studying through so much of the Old Testament last semester I saw this theme come out again and again. Even when your leaders are corrupt, when the society around you is going in another direction, in times of lawlessness and chaos, you have a choice. Follow God; make him your master. Keep on plodding.

By the time we reached the book of Proverbs, I was ready to take the verses about "the ant" to heart. These statements about universal, practical truth say little about God, but much about the power even the powerless have if they know what they are to do and persist in it. Nobody has to make them do it. Consider...

Proverbs 6: 6-8
⁶ Go to the ant, you sluggard;
consider its ways and be wise!
⁷ It has no commander,
no overseer or ruler,
⁸ yet it stores its provisions in summer
and gathers its food at harvest.

Proverbs 30: 24-28
²⁴ “Four things on earth are small,
yet they are extremely wise:
²⁵ Ants are creatures of little strength,
yet they store up their food in the summer;
²⁶ hyraxes are creatures of little power,
yet they make their home in the crags;
²⁷ locusts have no king,
yet they advance together in ranks;
²⁸ a lizard can be caught with the hand,
yet it is found in kings’ palaces.

Ants? They are extremely wise. So says Agur son of Jakeh, who first penned or uttered this second list of proverbs. Don't know much about him. Was he a guy who sat around philosophizing, or did he, himself, do the work on an ant?

After just a few months of grad school I'm reminded that study and thinking themselves can be hard work, but I appreciate those thinkers who enmesh themselves in community and get their hands hands dirty with other kinds of work as well. After all, as another proverb I read recently has it, "When all is said and done, far more will have been said than done."

I want to be someone whose thinking - and speech - furthers the effectiveness of what is done.

I think that line about the locusts holds another key. "Locusts have no king, yet they advance together in ranks." Insects are communal creatures, aren't they? In many cases they die if they are alone, yet accomplish amazing things together.

Internationally Aware Locavore

2011-06-08T13:46:00.000-06:00

Between work and studies I'm slowly savoring Craig Goodwin's book Year of Plenty, vacillating about which idea or chapter I should blog about here. The book describes one family's journey away from a life of American consumerism to something both simpler and more responsible but also more relational. Watch this space for more.

The writers at Read the Spirit published a good review of one of the most interesting elements of this sustainable-living story, the fact that their strategy included an international element.

See Summertime Family Inspiration: Enjoy a Year of Plenty ("How an ordinary American family of modest means managed to ‘Think Locally, Act Globally’")

Remembering Nichole

2011-06-07T11:06:00.000-06:00

A good friend is preparing to move his family to Central Asia to teach there for a couple of years. I'm trying to pass along various things that might prove helpful for them. When he commented on my May 5 post I remembered another I'd written which reveals some of the cultural - and cross-cultural - wrinkles I wrestled with in building relationships in the Central Asian context. Here's a post from 2010.

I met "Nichole" the day before I moved into her parents' house. A pretty Uzbek girl in her early 20s, Nichole was fascinated by the foreigners in her city. She had a part-time job working for some of them, friends of mine, and lived in a house not far from them. I needed a local family to live with; her folks could use the rent money. They had the space, and the house was suitable. So we decided to give it a try.

So began what is probably the most significant cross-cultural relationships I've ever had. There have been others with whom I had more common ground, or learned more from, but nobody I had more fun with than Nichole, nor anyone with whom I experienced more of what differences in culture can really mean - on a gut level...

See Nichole's Story.

Crossing The Country by Covered Wagon

2011-05-28T07:00:00.020-06:00

This post was originally published August 9, 2010. I'm reposting it as part of the Christian Writers Blog Chain. This month we're writing on the theme, "journeys."

I knew that the great "Pony Express" was rendered obsolete by the introduction of the telegraph less than two years after it began. But I recently realized that another touchstone of American history, the settlement of the West by pioneers who traveled across the continent by covered wagon, lasted just over one generation (1840-1869). At that point the completion of railroads chopped the journey west from a treacherous trek of six months by wagon to a mere one-week train trip.

One spot through which all those covered wagons were driven - carrying about 500,000 pioneers in that 29-year period - was Casper, Wyoming. You know what they say: location, location, location. Casper is near what may be the best route across the Rockies. It's built beside the [once] great Platte River, which travelers coming West had followed for hundreds of miles. Here each emigrant - having left the United States behind - would say goodbye to the river and strike off for destinations in places like Oregon, California, and Utah.

Image: National Park Service

The people of Casper seem to have accepted the fact that their home is and apparently always has been a place people come through on their way someplace else. In fact, they've built up a modest tourist industry around that aspect of their history. Driving from Washington back to Colorado last summer I visited the National Historic Trails Interpretive Center as well as several of the nearby places of significance to those who traveled these trails.

It goes back pretty far. The 80,000 settlers who came through on the Oregon trail were following in the footsteps of Arapaho, Lakota Sioux, and Shoshone.

Some 70,000 Latter-day Saints came, too, fleeing persecution and seeking their own promised land. Many of the most helpful tools and strategies for surviving the trip were developed by the Mormons; they were disciplined and organized. (Legalistic religions come with a silver lining...)

When the California gold rush got under way, the trail became a highway. One local resident noted that 600 wagons had passed by his house in a single day. On the other hand, I was pleased to read the entry from the journal of one man who reported a guy on horseback heading the other direction, returning to the East. He explained that he simply couldn't go on; he loved his wife more than gold.

Native Americans were once glad of trading partners and scouting jobs. Now they complained that there wasn't enough food to go around; these people were taking over, moving in as if the land were not already inhabited.

Perhaps those covered-wagon days play a big part in our national history because they left such a mark on the families who rode those trails. It was probably the hardest, bravest thing they had ever done. It took so much courage. Many people thought you were crazy. Others envied you. It was a little like going to war. Or traveling to another country. In a way, it was both.

Have you ever been in that kind of situation? The emotions run so high. You don't know if you will survive. If you do, it knits you together together with others who have made that journey, especially the ones you went with. In the context of a lifetime, it may have been a brief experience, but it was one that will stay with you all your life. You save the souvenirs. You pass down the stories to children and grandchildren.

So many lost so much along the way. The more crowded the trails became, the more they were lined with dead animals, broken-down wagons, abandoned treasures, and hundreds and hundreds of graves. Children fell off the wagons and got run over. Others emigrants grew sick and died - cholera was a big killer - drowned in a river crossing, or were caught in storms. Not many were killed by Indians or wild animals, but some.

Timing was important. Everyone knew that if you started at the right time, you'd find enough spring grass along the way to feed your stock. But wait too long and you'd risk getting caught by an early snow in the mountain passes. You knew you'd probably make it to your destination before snowfall if you reached Wyoming's Independence Rock by the fourth of July. That must have been a jubilant place; everyone stopped to scamper up the rock and carve their names. There were dances, and sporting events, and weddings there. A huge celebration took place every July 4.

By the time you'd reached this point, you'd probably gone through a lot. Some of the things you feared had not come to pass, at least not yet. Others, you'd overcome and survived. You'd followed the Platte River longer than you could remember. I bet the kids had stopped asking, "are we almost there yet?" Living out of a wagon was starting to feel normal.

You still had at least another thousand miles to go.

Can you imagine leaving your country and everything you knew to journey to Oregon Territory? Would you have gone? If so, what do you think would have been the most frightening or difficult part of the journey for you?

Jiminy Cricket, Temptation Strikes Again

2011-05-25T12:50:00.003-06:00

Jiminy Cricket: Now, you see, the world is full of temptations.

Pinocchio: Temptations?

Jiminy Cricket: Yep, temptations. They're the wrong things that seem right at the time... but... uh... even though the right things may seem wrong sometimes, or sometimes the wrong things, may be right at the wrong time, or visa versa. Understand?

Pinocchio: Uh-uh. But I'm gonna do right.
Jiminy Cricket: Atta boy, Pinoke! And I'm gonna help ya.

Ever struggle with your motivation to stay on the straight and narrow? Had to laugh at an experience I had this morning. Pulled into the Safeway parking lot to get some milk and half-and-half before the roommate arises and finds we have none. She and I both like the white stuff in our coffee. My turn to buy.

Deli Parking
15 minutes

.... says the sign where I often stash the Honda when I'm just going in for one or two items.

But then I thought: this isn't right. I'm not going to the deli. I'm going to the dairy section. Huh.

The facing car had a license-plate holder on the front. It read,

He died for me
I'll live for him.

Okay, okay, it's a sign. Literally, anyway. I'll go. I moved the car three spaces down. It didn't kill me.

A few minutes later, walking back to the front of the store with my purchases, I realized this would be a great day to make a quiche; now we had milk and there's a pie crust in the door of the freezer just waiting to be used. Ironically, the one ingredient I would need to buy was something available only in, yes, the deli...

I suppose I could have kept that parking space after all, huh?

A conscience is a tricky thing, is it not? I don't tend to guard mine very carefully. I cheat and cut corners when I don't think it matters. Yet I've also discovered that if I want my will to be strong enough for faithfulness in the big things, the best preparation is being faithful in the small ones.

I guess the other trap is self righteousness. A track record of faithfulness in the small things is no reason for pride and arrogance. Jesus had some tough words for those who considered themselves good people:

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former." (Matthew 23:23)

>> Any tips for avoiding legalism and antinomianism, both? I'd be glad to hear them. Or, of course, your silly stories!

Women’s Stories – Another from Russia

2011-05-23T09:49:00.006-06:00

1. The Foundation of a Loving Family

S. was quite young when her father died, leaving behind a wife and two children. Maybe that’s why the family pulled together as much as they did.

“My mother was trying to provide. But we had everything by her help, as much as or even more than in a complete family. I was with my grandparents a lot. We were loved very much and raised happily.

“Looking at my grandparents I feel inside myself a great feeling that being moral is very important. My grandparents were Muslim, real Muslims, and read namaz [say the ritual prayers]. They were full-hearted about it. Their children, my mother's generation, only knew the rules and did not follow everything like the parents did. They were not as conservative.

“My grandfather was the head of the family. All important questions, for example financial questions, he was the giver of the right to do everything or not. A woman was to do what he would recommend, to give a life to his order. Daily house life, everything about it. But personally in our family we never faced a situation where a woman would be forced to do something or pushed to do things.

“My grandfather loved my grandmother very much. My grandmother is loved by everyone in the family. Now she is 90 years old. Sometimes older people may be like challenged to know what to do, to be wise about today, but she is still wise. She amazes me. She still has authority above all her children. We honor her so much. Every word she would say we follow her; we want to honor her completely. That is how it happened in our family, that's what I have to say.”

The family continues to live close to one another, in the same apartment building in fact. Grandma comes over for lunch every day.

2. Only God Can Help My Brother

So many Christians, whether living in the West or in the East, seem to believe that Muslim family life is all about abuse and repression. So I was glad to hear about the strong foundation S. felt she had from being raised in a traditional but fairly healthy family.

I did have a hunch that might be more to her story, though, and as our conversation continued S. told us that she was a Christian, a believer in Jesus, and that it happened that she was the first in her family to choose that direction. Ah; this must be why our friend (a Christian leader) had suggested we talk to S. and had set up the interview with us.

Like many of the believers we met on this trip, the one thing S. was really happy to talk about was what God had done in her life. Rather humbling. I'd come hoping to hear more about Islam and culture and how relationships work in this culture, but I kept meeting believers from various backgrounds who wanted to tell me how Jesus had changed their lives! We wondered how S. had become a Christian and how her close-knit family had responded. As the story unfolded, we found out.

S. told us God had allowed her to go through a situation where she was brokenhearted. And coming from a loving family played a significant role in what happened next. Was S. was broken over was a tragic situation in the life of one of one of her family members.

“My brother had some problems and begin to drink. In the beginning it helped him go away from his problems, but the troubles in the end grew to be a disease he could not bear.

“It was so unhappy for me to see him die inside. I tried all I could, took him to hospitals and set up meetings for him, everything medical that can be done, I learned about and tried it all. I did not want the thought that he would die from what he was doing.

“One day a strange thought came into my mind: Only God can help my brother. So I went on the Internet and typed in, ‘cure alcoholics with God.’ The computer said, ‘Did you mean…’ and gave suggestions. The first one was ‘Christian Rehabilitation Center for the Alcohol Addicted.’

3. Intimacy, Independence, and the Internet

Amazing, isn’t it, the way people all over the world turn to the Internet with their deepest and most intimate questions or struggles? This came up several times during my time in Russia. In one of the most helpful interviews we had a pastor told us explained that they are trying to encourage the people in their church to be outward-looking, even from the beginning, to share what God is doing in their hearts.

“This is one of our problems: we are not a culture of communicating, relating to each other. What is easy for a European, to talk to and look at each other, maybe it's natural for you too but we don't have it in Russia.”

He attributed this reticence to Communism. His church has attracted a lot of young people and they are encouraging them to be active in social media and share what they are learning in those environments.

I’d been emailing with a friend back in the States who said, “The Russians are a mysterious people, eh? And the effects of 70 years of Communism are still ingrained in their souls. Soviet Communism didn't just happen there by chance; it was fertile ground for it to take root.”

In a way, I’d been able to relate to the Russians and “Russified” people we’d met better than I can with people from some other cultures. When I’ve been in places where friendship means sitting around with uneducated women, drinking tea and gossiping for hours, I quickly feel restless. With many of the Russians we met I felt much more at home and among people like me. Yet I wasn’t sure if I liked the characteristics we had in common.

The pastor had suggested another factor that gets in the way of communication and community:

“Our city is quite wealthy. There is some pride because of that. It makes our work difficult, because people come to Christ often when they are more desperate in some way. People here are busy with themselves. In the postmodern world, individualism is risen high up. The Western world will see the fruits of that. When there is money, you have individualism. People start to think only of themselves. We have to fight with that here. Even these rich people, they know they are vulnerable inside and do need Jesus as well.”

I hadn’t made these connections before. When you put together the independence and individualism that come from wealth with the mistrust and fear of being controlled that come from the (perhaps inevitable) excesses of Communism, well, that’s quite a lot to overcome. My own independence and individualism, mistrust and fear of being controlled... they may have different roots but similar fruit. So ministries using media and the Internet may have a significant part to play both in places like this wealthy Russian city and in the world in which I live, too.

4. A Journey in Faith

S. did not tell us a great deal more about how her brother was set free from alcoholism, but she did tell us about her own journey toward God and the stages she went through in sharing that with others in her family. So I’ll close with her words.

“I called and they asked me to come in, myself, to meet with them, so I came to the city. It happened that some people who worked with this program had just become missionaries in my town and even lived in the same building. I started to communicate with those missionaries. I saw their faith and deep connection to what they believed in. They were not perfect. I saw them do some wrong things. But they had great faith in the God they worshiped. I decided to keep this connection; maybe inside I wanted to believe as they did.

“They gave me a sermon video to watch and while I watched it I don't know but inside I had a feeling, God exists. The sermon was about the inheritance you have to give your children. Not just material things like money but their inheritance is what you give them in spirituality. Before, I had thought money was what it was important for children to receive, but then I understood it was not the only thing the generations after you would receive. I realized I didn't know anything about God.

“I understood faith was not only traditional things like sitting down for a big meal with my family, not just religious rules you have to do, not things on the outside but something that comes from inside. I wanted to have that inside. My heart opened to it, and I started to learn things. What I had was not enough; I wanted to see more sermons, and read a lot. It was like my spirit came out of a trap and wanted nourishment of faith and knowledge of faith.

“I would go to my brother and try to give him the literature but he would not accept it. Then I had a vision and saw my mother and brother standing beside me shoulder to shoulder worshiping God; this did not happen in the physical world, but I took it as what God showed me to keep me thinking about it, to remember and keep going.

“I would try to put videos on the table, give them literature, bring up the ideas in conversations, and this seemed to make it worse. Conversations became strained. But I called out, ‘God, you said, “the whole household will believe”! I give my whole family to you; this is what you promised.’

“I was depressed when I saw my brother. But because I prayed and believed now I was changed, smiling, cheerful in life no matter what happened, because of God, and I think that is what they saw. So I decide I would believe and pray and pray, not try to touch them on the topic of Christianity but just believe and pray.

“Then one day I was going to a Sunday service when I heard the words: Go and take your mother with you. So I went back and called her. She's disabled and lives in same apartment with my brother. All he was going through influenced her as well and she too was fading and dying inside. This time I said, ‘Come with me today,’ and without saying anything she gathered up her things and came with me. Before she would always say ‘No, I cannot, we are Muslim; we don't do that.’

“But that Sunday she came, and while she was there she went through her whole life [saw it pass before her eyes?]. She believed in God and repented. I realized that's what happened to her on that day.

“With time, my brother saw she had changed. She was showing God's love to him and had become a happy person. She would not nag him, her attitude was different. Sometime later he said, ‘I want your God.’

“It was tough to tell my grandmother," she added.

Ah yes, remember the grandmother? The beloved, devoutly Muslim grandmother?

"For a while we did not tell her so we would not hurt her feelings, but she did not make a [fuss]."

I've found this true in other Muslim communities and families as well. The bonds of love and loyalty can often stretch more than you might thing. Societies in which people are completely ostracized from their families for turning to Jesus are quite rare.

"My greatest desire is to see my whole family to become Christians," said S. "It is my special idea. I really want it to happen.”

See also: Women's Stories: A Central Asian Immigrant

Not Personalized, and I'm Taking That Personally

2011-05-21T11:32:00.007-06:00

Ugh, what a week. Here's my melodrama. You may want to skip it, but writing it out usually helps restore my perspective, and maybe you'll find something that helps you, too.

Part of the stress is a work project in which I keep sabotaging myself, hating the pattern but feeling helpless to break it. It's not huge, I'm the one who makes it messy. It is the kind of thing I really ought to be able to do, I think. But there's some fear, danger, and sliminess clinging to it and I can't seem to keep it clean. Several days or parts of days went pretty well: I kept on top of the stress and my reactions to it, praying as I went. Felt like Jesus and I were taking some fairly decent baby steps, navigating the overfurnished living room of my mind to get where we needed to go. But I fell down pretty frequently, and sometimes it hurt.

Then there's the growing pressure that comes from taking none of the holidays we've had, all year. I've had travel or teaching on every one, and a lot of my weekends too. Work piling up in-between doesn't encourage the use of comp days. I am taking Memorial Day weekend off to play. And at least part of the following week as vacation. There's some stress associated with that, too, though, since I'm going to spend it with Chris and his family. Yup, I fly out early Friday. Meet the beau's clan for the first time. His mom is picking me up at the airport. It gives her an excuse to go to the Ikea in Portland. We'll have Swedish meatballs for dinner! Now, it could be a great week. And Chris is a great guy, and so, so generous with the unconditional and supportive love. But still I am nervous...

What else? As I mentioned before, this is the last week of my seminary class, and it's also my week to write for the ezine. Content has been piling up in a folder for six weeks and I sure hope there's something good in there. I do enjoy that task; it never get covered with the slime I seem to pick up in other areas. But I'll need to put some time into it.

Add to this mix two rather troubling conflicts striking on Thursday and Friday - one over email, the other by phone. A phone call conflict - heck, any kind of phone call - usually catches me off guard and feels like a slap in the face, though it may lead to the quickest closure. An email conflict may stretch out uncomfortably, but I appreciate the opportunity to choose my words.

Then, bra shopping. Perfect storm, eh? Gentlemen, you may want to leave at this point. Girl stuff. Though you may have body-image issues now and again as well. They rarely seize me unless other things have left me particularly vulnerable.

I suppose it's understandable that our modern consumer culture has standardized so many things. Taken the vast array of human preference, taste, and need and responded with efficient systems like the creation of "sizes." But doesn't it feel dehumanizing, at times? You know, when you find that your feet aren't normal, that pants are either too short or too long for your legs, or that you look simply awful in the uniform you're required to wear?

It must be particularly hard in a world where symmetry equals beauty to find yourself really a-kilter and require such things specially made. Sometimes I long for the day of seamstresses and cobblers when more things in life were made-to-order... Personal. Though I suppose I shouldn't romanticize it too much. What if I could only have two pairs of shoes, or one, and spent my days sewing for my family? (I'm sure I could bear it, but sewing clothing is seriously outside my set of skills, interests, or pleasures...)

But back to those darn undergarments. Here's the problem. I can walk into a store's lingerie section and search for half an hour before I find a - um, well, let's be specific, 36A. (Even then I'd better try it on.) I can always find something adequate. But I get the message: Normal women have larger breasts or smaller ribcages, not smaller-than-average breasts on an average-sized body. I do like my body, and I'm not waaaaaay off. It's just that I'm neither 34A or 36B; I'm the size they don't like to make. My sister shops in fancier places. Not sure if that would make things harder or easier for me. But looking online, I'm not hopeful.

Shame, shame, shame. Do you ever fall into such a pit, feeling that it's a perfectly awful thing to be you? What triggers that for you? I'll be OK, but meanwhile I'm talking to God about these things. He's gentle and his perspective is spot-on. When I ask him, "What do you think of this, or that?" things have a way of falling into place and becoming much simpler and less slimy than they had been when they were cluttering up that living room of my mind.

One practical tip: Feeling ashamed of yourself? Writing or talking it out may help. Prayer can really clear things up. But avoid "retail therapy." Too many pitfalls!

Unexpected Benefits

2011-05-20T07:00:00.034-06:00

When I signed up for "Bible 5112: God's Plan of Creation and Redemption," I knew some of what was coming. I knew I'd be reading and studying almost 600 pages of the Old Testament along with another 800 pages of reading and 20 hours of lecture.

I knew I'd do lots of writing. The syllabus listed an eight-to-ten-page paper, three three-page papers, and nine pithy forum posts, with thoughtful responses to other students' postings. The three exams would also include three essays apiece chosen from a list of six possibilities per exam.

I liked the way the assignments were written. Most of them were things I might be able to use again in some way. As I sometimes hear people say, "That will preach!" Some examples:

How does God’s grace interface with the dysfunctionalism we see in the Patriarchal family?
Discuss the problem of war in the Old Testament, in particular God’s command to exterminate the Canaanite population.
Consider the lives of Israel’s united monarchy – Saul, David, and Solomon. Summarize each king’s reign in five adjectives; add a tag line that fleshes out each adjective.
What life lessons we do learn from Esther? List at least three and elaborate as you have room.
After reading Job, interact with the statement, “Job was partly right and partly wrong.”
Describe your understanding of God’s plan to reach the nations (a biblical theology of missions) in the Pentateuch. Include in your answer at least three key examples from Scripture.
Explore God's plan for the nations in Genesis, or in Psalms.
Write an exegetical paper on "seeing God in his mighty acts: Gentiles who saw and believed."

What I didn't realize is how much the class would force me to write tight sentences and paragraphs. Each word had to pull its own weight. That seemed the only way to answer these broad questions thoroughly while supporting my statements and not exceeding the word-count for each assignment. That surprised me. In doing so much writing and editing for publication I'd left academic wordiness behind long ago. I was afraid I'd have to take it up again to get through grad school. At least for this class, the opposite was true. I had to write long and then edit down. My writing grew sharper.

I've also grown in the discipline of hermeneutics. To write each of the three shorter papers for this class each student was asked to pick five passages, exegete them, draw out a universal, timeless truth, and apply it to specific life situations today. Much like writing a sermon. Now, I hesitate to preach. I cringe to hear sermons that try to make a universal point out of a historical event, especially if other passages suggest something that is just the opposite. I wasn't sure I could do it. I did not want to dishonor the text by making it say what it didn't. But on the other hand I didn't want to be so timid as to neglect discovering and learning from biblical principles that remain as true today as they were when they were written. That's a big reason we have the Bible! It was nice that I could pick my own texts. But these assignments pushed me. Initially I was marked down for being too vague. Now, having written 15 of these 200-word paragraphs, I think I have the hang of it.

My fall class is "Bible 5113: God's Message of Redemption and Judgment." It continues the Old Testament survey using some of the same textbooks and similar assignments, this time looking at the books of the Prophets. I'm looking forward to it.

Forsaking My Fame with Strangers

2011-05-19T10:55:00.003-06:00

About a month ago I left my laptop behind and went to spent a few weeks in a city on the other side of the planet - leaving the blog untended. Yet to my surprise, "hits" skyrocketed, especially from Europe and Asia.

This was not due to my benign neglect. It was because Google picked up my blog as the source of a public-domain picture I'd probably discovered on someone else's blog. If you searched Google images on "book" or "books," Telling Secrets was now one of your destinations. Well, you could do worse. I am a bookish person after all... maybe some of the folks that got here through such means would want to stick around?

I finally decided to remove the image that was bringing so many visitors. More than I wanted traffic, I wanted clues to who, of the people I know and readers I've had some contact with, is actually stopping by. So: so long, strangers. At least some of you. I expect my traffic reports will go from 80 hits a day back down to 20-30.

>> Bloggers, have you ever had this happen? Did any of you make the choice I did and take steps to turn the new traffic away?

Reflections on Working and Going to School

2011-05-13T15:12:00.012-06:00

The end is in sight. Just two more weeks and I’ll have completed my first seminary class. The first of twenty. Just in time to dive in on the next one: I’ll take a week of vacation time in June to fly to South Carolina and take a one-week intensive on “Contemporary Issues in Missions.” I will have some work to bring with me; Missions Catalyst must go out. But I’ll be in class from 8am to 5pm each day. And before the class starts I’m supposed to do about 30 hours of reading. Well, you know me; I can do it in less than that. Some of it I’m pretty familiar with already. But it’s still going to take some attention. Then, depending on how long the post-class assignments take me, I should have about a month off before I have to start work on my fall class (another online one, August 22 to December 6). Since it's a continuation of the course I'm taking now and I already have the syllabus, I might be able to get started early...

When I made the decision to go to graduate school while working full-time I knew it would be a challenge. I had a great sabbatical in 2010. Now, I wondered how I’d do on work/life balance when it really came to the test. It was one thing to live a sane and healthy life with all pressure removed, but how would I keep my head above water in the “real” world?

It would be nice to cut my work hours back, but I don't see a way to do that within our organization's policies. Cutting back on work would really mean going to school on their time and dime. It’s a great agency, and they certainly encourage professional development, but they can’t fund or reimburse the expenses of schoolwork that’s not required by the job. The IRS doesn’t like it either. On the other hand, a recent large donation to my ministry account from a supportive friend may justify giving myself a raise to help cover tuition. I haven’t done that yet, but I could.

I also wondered how much time I should really expect to put into schoolwork. The syllabus for the three-credit course I’m taking now suggests investing 135 hours over the 13-week period; about 10 hours a week. Apparently that's typical for these courses. I may have done it in a bit less; not much. We’ll see if the 15 hours I put into the 8-10-page (OK, 11-page...) paper was sufficient; the syllabus suggests 30 hours.

While I may not have a heavy workload with my job this summer, this first class coincided exactly with what will be the busiest 13 weeks of my year. If you count all the travel time I’ve worked an average of nearly 50 hours a week since school began. Giving 10 hours a week to my studies on top of that – or, thanks to the travel, sometimes overlapping with that – made me one busy camper.

I know, I know, a great many people in our world work 50+ hours a week (or more with a commute) and do it as a matter of course. It’s not like I have some kind of “right” to keep my hours down. Nor should I complain (or boast) when they are up. Yet I’ve found that, for me, a 45-hour workweek is optimal. If I go over that on a regular basis, my work and life start to show the stress fractures...

The hardest part these last few months has been time management. I couldn’t figure out how to take downtime. When I wasn’t focusing on work, I was busy with school, and vice versa. I ended up using my less-productive midday hours on school (which was more passive), and doing work stuff (which took more thinking) in the evenings. It worked pretty well for both, but I often felt guilty, like I was cheating at my job by not “going to work” all day, every day.

Even when I was busy with school or work, I wondered if I ought to be finding a way to get more rest. Too many things on every front were not done until the last minute; too many relationships were neglected. I didn’t meet with my mentor or my pastor, didn’t make those spring appointments with my doctor and my dentist. Half a dozen things around the house are broken and I haven’t done a thing about it. Even when I could not make the conscious decision to rest, my mind and body rebelled and sought gratification in compulsive, time-wasting activities that hurt more than helped me, as such things usually do. When you’ve got too much to do and kind of resent it, procrastination is a natural response. I think I do it kind of on purpose. I want to fall/fail and get off the hook. Not a very healthy pattern.

Well, I'm not a total disaster, but I'm not functioning in top form, either. As I wrap up this school term and go into the next, I’m asking myself and the Lord: what must be adjusted? What can be adjusted? I’d appreciate your prayers, and any advice would be welcome too.

By the way, "BIB5112" has been a great class! Watch this space; maybe I'll post about a few of the things I've picked up.

Marti's Upcoming Travel / Schedule

Feb 28 to May 27 - spring term (online)
May 27 to June 5 - trip to see Chris (Oregon)
May 30 to July 26 - summer term (live + online)
June 12 to 18 - to CIU for class (South Carolina)
Unscheduled but anticipated: more time in OR/WA
Aug 22 to Dec 6 - fall term (online)
Sept 29 to Oct 1 - "Reset" Conference (Arizona)
Oct 2 to 4 - teach Perspectives (Colorado)
Oct 6 to 7 - Multi-Cultural Colorado Conference (Colorado)
Oct 16 - teach Perspectives (Utah)
Nov 13 to 19 - agency meetings (Florida)

The Wedding and the Wine

2011-05-07T11:14:00.007-06:00

The Wedding at Cana, Paolo Veronese

Here's how the story goes.

     On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”
     “Woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”
     His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”
     Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.
     Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.
     Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”
     They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew.
     Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”
     What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him. (John 2:1-11)

What was going on at the wedding feast at Cana, and why is it in the Bible? Jesus said and did a lot of things; John 21:25 says if all of them were detailed the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. With so many stories to tell, why did this one make the cut? Just because it was the first public miracle?

Students and preachers throughout the years have drawn all kinds of principles from this story. Sometimes it’s held up to defend wine. It’s perennially quoted at weddings to claim that by doing his first miracle at a wedding, Jesus was blessing the institution of marriage.

Recently I heard this claim two times in one day. As I dozed off to sleep I re-read Jan Karon’s A Common Life (that's the one where Father Tim and Cynthia get married) and then a few hours later, when my attempts to fight jetlag flagged, I watched the royal wedding on TV. Yup, it’s right there in the words of the Anglican wedding service. I scratched my head and asked: Am I the only one that thinks maybe that’s not really the point?

To be fair, the Anglican service doesn’t go as far as many preachers do with this. The version we heard at Westminster says: “holy matrimony… is an honourable estate, instituted of God himself, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence, and first miracle that he wrought, in Cana of Galilee…”

I decided it was time to dig a little deeper into this story. Is there some good reason people say Jesus likes weddings because he made water into wine at a wedding?

Wine for the Wedding

John says this miracle was “a sign.” A sign is given to point to or confirm something, e.g., to reveal his glory, to show that Jesus is the Messiah. Of course Mary pretty much knew he was, and the disciples suspected it. The servants and wedding guests didn’t see what was going on behind the scenes. The servants saw that something miraculous had happened, but didn’t know the reason. The guests just knew there was more wine.

Is there something special about wine? Your oenophiles may say that’s obvious, but I had to study this a bit more. Looks like when the Bible talks about wine it usually represents delight – a holy joy. Oil is blessing, wine is joy. To run out of wine, to have no wine, means you are desolate (Isaiah 24:11). So maybe when Mary says there is no more wine it's like saying: these people need some joy; can you do something about it?

What's special about feasts? Maybe that's easier. I get it. And I read that the fulfillment of God’s kingdom is described as a lavish banquet prepared by God for all peoples and featuring choice meat and fine wine.

"The LORD of hosts will prepare a lavish banquet for all peoples on this mountain;
A banquet of aged wine, choice pieces with marrow,
And refined, aged wine.
And on this mountain He will swallow up the covering which is over all peoples,
Even the veil which is stretched over all nations." (Isaiah 25:6-7)

Then, weddings. Is Jesus one of those rare men who really digs weddings? Or does this point to something else as well? The image of God putting on a wedding banquet comes up several times. Jesus says the kingdom of heaven is like a marriage banquet (Matthew 22:1-14) and John, writing again at the end of his life, describes heaven as the wedding feast for Jesus and his bride - the bride being a holy city or congregation of people from every tribe and nation purchased and redeemed by God.

Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear.”
(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)
Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.” (Revelation 9:7-9)

When you tie together the miracle the wedding feast in Cana with the wedding feast of heaven, I start to get it. Jesus is miraculously providing fine wine, or great joy, in the context of a wedding. It’s not just about that wedding, or weddings in general. It's more about celebrating the fulfillment of the long-held hopes and promises of scripture: that's right, everything is going to come together.

Marriage itself points to this bigger reality. It seems the Anglicans got it right: human marriage itself is designed not just to perpetuate the race and comfort and strengthen human beings and communities - all HUGE blessings - but is also a sign, “signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church.”

Seem a tad esoteric? Would you prefer a great marriage than to be united with your Creator? I believe we're designed to want and have great marriages partly so we'll get what it's like to be united with our Creator. At least that's what the Bible seems to teach when it talks about marriage.

Isaiah prophesies a wedding, John opens his description of the ministry of Christ with a wedding, and the Bible concludes with a wedding. Feasting and fine wine – God’s blessing, great joy – is part of all of them. Jesus announces his kingdom in various ways, but here he does it by changing water into wine – miraculously making something holy and joyful where it was not deserved or expected. And pointing to something that will shake the universe.

The final wedding feast, the one described in Revelation, is made possible by a much greater sacrifice: he's not just the host and the groom, but also the wine.

In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you." (Luke 22:20)

A Mother's Word of Advice

2011-05-06T10:28:00.008-06:00

Wedding at Cana of Galilee - Coptic icon

Here in the U.S., Sunday is Mother’s Day. Happy day, mothers and the sons and daughters of mothers! Don't we have a lot to be grateful for?

One of the best words of advice ever offered, says my old friend Paula, came from a mother. You may know her. Her name was Mary. The words she spoke to the servants at that wedding in Cana ring out loud and clear:

“Whatever he (Jesus) says, do it.” (John 2:5 - context here.)

There's a lot more going on in this story but this advice alone can be broadly applied to good effect. What does Jesus say to do? What has he said? What does he tell us is right, is important? That’s what you should do. This requires cultivating the arts of listening, asking, praying, seeking – and yeah, responding and obeying.

As I’ve been working my way through the Old Testament this semester I’ve been impressed by how much Judeo-Christian spirituality is and always has been about responding to God and following him, not approaching faith and practice as a creative consumer. Human nature – aided in our time by postmodern culture but for time immemorial by our bent toward self-determination – likes to approach religion as something we build for ourselves. We decide how (and what or whom) to worship, when, and with what level of commitment or intensity. It’s all personalized to meet our needs. We write our own job description. God’s, too. And then we're indignant when things don't work out as well as anticipated.

I don’t know about you, but the God I worship is the same one who laid out detailed plans for the tabernacle and temple (not apparently consulting with local architects or artists) as well as the priesthood, the purity laws and the feasts and the sacrificial system. These weren't man-made; they came from God. When God's people get off course he raises up a prophet, and sometimes a conqueror, to keep them from getting further and further from him. He knows what is best, what we need, and what obstacles and temptations will take us down. In his mercy and compassion he guides and seeks after us to bring us back, when necessary (and it was) by making the supreme sacrifice.

Come back soon for a post about wine and weddings. I don’t drink and I’m not married but I had some questions about this Cana story and decided to dig a little deeper.

Women's Stories - A Central Asian Immigrant

2011-05-05T07:00:00.028-06:00

Last week I got to say dastarhoningiz mubarak bolsin ("may your tablecloth be blessed") for the first time in ages. It's not every day you dine in an Uzbek home. And blessed the tablecloth was: I enjoyed the lovingly made manti and samsa, plates of sweets, fresh nan, hot chai, and the best tomato salad I can remember. (When you go to the market, ask where the produce is from. If the tomatoes come from Central Asia, they are going to be good.)

I wasn't in Uzbekistan, though, I was about 4000 miles away. The woman who had invited us to her house had fled the country of her birth seeking safety for her children and a new life in Russia.

An undocumented worker, G. was making ends meet by working three jobs as a cleaning lady, each of them faithfully paying her wages - unlike a place she'd worked last summer which had never come through with the money. The kids are well. She has some new clothes. And she’d recently been able to move her family into a rather nice brick-and-wood house of the traditional local style, complete with a well, gas heat, an outhouse in the courtyard, and a big garden out back. In this town, that wasn’t considered as desirable as a three-room high-rise apartment, but it’s a good place.

G. has a spring in her step, a smile on her face, and a light in her eye. A bit surprising when you realize she has suffered more in her three decades than many of us do in a lifetime. She was happy to give us the reason for the hope that she has. I listened and took notes.

To Earn a Blessing

Uzbek girls are brought up to work hard. Around the time of the morning call to prayer, she and her sisters would be up sweeping, cleaning, cooking. There was no question but that she would do everything required of her to support and care for her relatives; that’s what people do. Besides, there’s a saying that the one who gets up early in the morning will receive blessings from God. If you want your life to someday get better, you have to get up early to earn God's favor.

A Daughter’s Duty

Things took a difficult turn around the time G. was starting high school. Her father, a truck driver, disappeared. Nobody knew where he had gone or if he would ever return. And he was the main provider for four children. So now, after getting up early to do chores, getting her siblings off to school and completing her own classes, G. would come home and make samsa to sell. Yes, melt-in-your-mouth meat pastries like the ones I enjoyed at her house. She’d take them to a truck stop to sell, not arriving home until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning. Then she still had homework to do and would catch a few hours of sleep before it all began again. She was shouldering heavy responsibilities and did not see a way out.

Have a teenager in your house? Can you imagine them keeping that kind of schedule? “As a child in my family I had to work,” she explained. “But I dreamed of becoming a mother,” she added, “so I would not have to do these things.”

A Way Out

You catch the foreshadowing in that last statement, don’t you? G. knows how to tell a story. And this isn’t a happy one. Her home environment seemed to get worse and worse. Her father eventually came home but that did not help much; there was a lot of shouting and fighting, and then a new baby in the house. When G. met a boy, her mother jumped to conclusions and wouldn't listen; her father locked her up. She was accepted to college but not allowed to go. Her life at home had little hope.

“I thought the way to escape was to get married. I met my husband at that time and he asked me to marry him. I was very excited. I went to tell my parents and said ‘I think I love him!’ But I did not know what love was.”

“This man was nine years older than I was. I thought since he was older he would be kind, that he would honor me. But the first day of the marriage he sat me down and said, ‘here I am, I am your God, you have to follow what I say.’ He gave me a list of things I was allowed or not allowed to do during my day. It was posted on the wall.”

Things did not go well. He was a violent, controlling man, impossible to please.

Cycle of Abuse

Within the year G. gave birth to their first child, a girl. It didn't help. Her husband beat her frequently. “He would use chains. He’d tie me up and make me kneel and beg forgiveness for all my sins. Sometimes I fainted and it was only by the will of God that I would awaken.”

After particularly violent episodes he wouldn’t know what to do; he’d take her back to her mother’s or send her to the hospital. If it was as bad as that, he’d apologize. Otherwise not. Sometimes she wondered if he had been drinking. She had no idea he was doing drugs.

Would having more children make her husband happy? After one particular bad beating she had to have one of her ovaries removed. Doctors told her she should not have any more children for six years. “So it was a miracle to have my second child just three years later,” she says. But her husband was not pleased that both babies were girls. “It was while I was pregnant with my third child that my husband me he was going to take a second wife.” G. was so convinced of her own worthlessness that she was indifferent to the news.

Getting Away

Yet the violence was terrible. G. thought about running away. Sometimes her husband would open the gates and tell her she could go. But he’d always come after her and bring her back, beating her worse. “I learned to stay so I would not be hurt so badly." Finally, she got to the point that she started fighting for a divorce.

“In Muslim culture the understanding is that a divorced women is nothing. Such a sinful person. I was thinking of myself that way I thought my relatives will not honor or think of me at all. I would be nothing to them.

"Yet one day I really felt the cries of all three of my children; my husband beat the eight-month-old son. Hearing my children calling out I felt a great desire to run away. When the third child was one year old, I managed to get a divorce.”

Now What?

Her mother had little room in the house, and G.’s brothers (who had he last word) refused her a place there. So she stayed for a while in a house of her uncle’s which was still under construction. Her mother would bring milk for the children, a liter a day, but they had little else. Finally a brother sold their father’s truck, used the money to buy a flat, and moved out; G. was able to go back to her mother. It wasn’t a healthy environment; there was still a lot of fighting and shouting. The family struggled to live on her mother’s small pension, what with two young siblings still at home in addition to G. and her three little ones. Food was scarce, and so was peace.

“That's when my husband started coming around again. I thought I might die if I went back to him, but he would make sure the children had food to eat. Maybe someday his feelings for them would be awakened as well?”

G. returned to her husband and went through the ceremony to remarry him, but things were not good. The beatings were unbearable. “Two times I had bones broken in my hands and couldn't do things at home. I was disabled, trapped.”

“One day a good friend of mine called me. She had gone to America but called and told me, you have to run away and I will send you money. My friend suggested I should come to America. But how could I do that to her, to put on her the burden of me and my three children?”

But the conversation was enough to move G. to action. “I had a few gold chains. I sold them quietly, telling nobody, and bought tickets to leave for Russia.”

Starting Over

She had only one set of clothes, those she had been wearing when she escaped, and sometimes the children went barefoot. But G. met some people who took her in and let her go along with the men to a construction site and work alongside them. “But I would come home and the kids would gather around like chirping birds… I was just happy to see them eating.” When a factory job opened up, G. took it. A required medical checkup revealed a surprise, though: she was four or five months pregnant. Now what?

“I had thoughts about aborting the child. How could I raise a fourth baby? And what would people think? Me there alone, a stranger, without a husband. I was nothing. I knew I was a horrible person. I tried to go to mosque to seek advice and help but they threw me out. They told me I was a sinner and not allowed to stay.”

G. came across a flier for a pregnancy counseling center run by what she would learn was a group of Christians. A Russian woman came alongside G. and befriended her. Among other things, she helped G. decide to keep her baby. She also gave her a book to read that would help her think about where she was going in her life and what she was living for, inviting her to surrender her life to God. After much reading and discussion, G. realized that’s just what she needed. The woman invited her to church. “It just happened to be Easter time. Amazing, this holiday that celebrates Jesus raised from the dead. I repented at that time. … After that, I had life. I was set free. I had wings to fly.”

“You Are My Child Now”

As G. read the pages of the New Testament and came to understand the nature and work of God, she felt like her heart could finally see. And one of the things she saw was that the presence of God had been with her since childhood. She had been crying out to him all along.

Maybe I’m reading between the lines here, but as I listened to G.’s story I started to think God had taken her on a journey back through all the things that had happened to her and touched and healed those memories. Some of the details she included suggested that. At any rate, he gave her the love and acceptance she had not known and strength to start forgiving those who had hurt her. She started to pray for her relatives, and they started contacting her to ask her for forgiveness. Amazing. “It was really hard. But having a relationship with God, he tells me, ‘You have to forgive. You are my child now and I will show through your life how merciful and patient I am.’"

Praise to God

“Praise to God, I have clothes to wear, and my children have shoes, and food. I praise the Lord for listening to my prayers and providing what I need. He knows what's on my heart and he is a provider. He knows what I need and he is never late. How to describe it? It is with great honor I tell everyone that I am a Christian. I was baptized, praise to God. I'm trying to show my family how merciful God has been to me, but just now they can't receive it yet.”

G.’s fourth child, a second son, was born some months ago. I expect (hope?) he'll never know his father. As we sat in her living room, I reached out and touched him. Put my hand on his back, watched him wiggle. Precious life.

G.'s mother was there that day, too. She'd come from Uzbekistan to stay, or visit, I wasn't sure which. She helped with the children. But after hearing G.’s story a few days before I was surprised to see this woman. She had disappointed G. so deeply, had harmed her so greatly, had failed to give her the love, protection, and encouragement a son or daughter needs from a parent. Yet here she was, come to stay and help with the children. She was the one I spoke to in Uzbek, wondering, what might God do in her life, as well?

The story is unfinished. But will you pray for this family?

Blowing Hot and Cold

2011-05-04T11:21:00.013-06:00

I hate being cold. Especially my neck, the back of my arms, my feet... so, year-round, I'm more dedicated to scarves, sleeves, and socks than sundresses, skimpy tees, and sandals. This works fine in the winter but requires fighting the fashions of summer. Summer's when I really get cold.

These days the issue, really, is not what the sun is doing (or not doing) or even what part of the country or world you live in, but how you or those around you use heating and air conditioning.

Have you noticed how strongly people feel about such things? Some of my favorite families are really committed to keeping energy costs down; I laud their economy but dread spending time in their homes in the winter - I can't relax when I'm freezing! The roommate and I are able to keep the house at mutually comfortable levels, summer and winter, but the rest of my world is heavily invested in summer air conditioning. The climate of my church is gauged to the needs of a pastor in coat and tie, not the scantily clad teenage girls who - sheesh, how do they manage? Similarly, come spring, the coffeehouses and other businesses I'd like to frequent are carefully kept too cold for my comfort (unless I dress more like a man).

So... there you have it. How much are we going to let things like this affect us? How much am I?

In recent years I've noticed what an edge things like maintaining a comfortable temperature, as well as minding what and when I eat, getting getting enough exercise, and dressing with care can make in my battle to keep a positive attitude and do good work as well as loving and serving other people. Since the latter things are quite important to me I've tried to take more control over the former.

On the other hand, making it my goal to manage, maintain, or control my environment creates stress of its own; often it simply can't be done. There's no sense sticking out my lip like a pouting preschooler or throwing a fit because I don't have my blankie or didn't get my snack or nap. Whether my situation supports it or not, I'm still responsible for my attitude and behavior. Excuses don't hold up. Though I lack the presence of an actual preschooler in my house or in my history, I'm still called to be a grownup in these matters. What does Paul say?

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (See these verses in context to discover his secret.)

Maybe you wonder how I dealt with the hot/cold thing traveling to Siberia last month. I made sure to bring warm clothes, of course. When we got to the home of our host family and found the lady of the house in a light cotton house dress, though, I breathed a sigh of relief. It turns out Siberians share my point of view on this matter. Even in the winter, people keep their apartments so warm you may not need a blanket on your bed. When I was inside someone's house or business I was never cold. Didn't need my sweaters. On the street it was another matter, but again, we were prepared.

1. What "little" things like temperature do the most to help or hinder your ability to respond well to life?
2. What helps you respond graciously when such factors are beyond your control?

See also: Simple Solutions - The Hot Tub & The Tea Kettle (Nov, 6, 2008).

Midtrip Report of Sorts

2011-04-22T22:08:00.000-06:00

Nope, haven't been blogging. I'm overseas investigating a project that might be sensitive - that's actually part of what I'm trying to figure out. As a person who is better at finding reasons not to do things, seeing what could go wrong, that is stretching my faith. The ambiguity is too high for me.

On the plus side, practical matters (shared with a partner and with lots of people we can call on for help and advice while we're here) have been quite manageable. Basic stuff like food, shopping, money, transportation, etc. have been relatively easy. Well, easy for me. I've thrown too much on my partner, I think, as if these things are not hard for her too.

When we are able to cross the linguistic boundaries many of those we meet do not seem so different in mindset and way of life as the folks in some of the other places I have been. Though I gather there are still plenty of people out in tiny, isolated villages for whom life is quite different. We're spending most of our time in the big city.

Internet access here is not difficult but not having my own laptop, I haven't had time to blog. It's pretty low on the priority list. Have put a few things on Facebook, though.

Just a few more days here. We fly out early on Wednesday.

Pray for health, hope, perseverance, unity, and - most especially - eyes to see what to make of this trip and what our next steps might be.

I find it most helpful to assume we're going to continue pursuing a project here for the future but that may or may not be the case. If we are, it is my hope to continue the networking and research I began before we came. Will I do it? Hope so. I have comforted myself with such assurances in the past, through, only to see them erode pretty quickly. Anyway, now I have a much better grid for evaluating what may come my way. I know what my questions are. May even try to set up some Skype appointments before we leave.

Personal Newsletters - All about Me or Something Good for You?

2011-04-08T09:15:00.006-06:00

Just sent another newsletter of the sort I keep telling myself I shouldn't be writing. Or, at least not every time. Yes, it was chock full of me: what I've been doing, what I'm doing next. Once you start writing such missives it is hard to stop. The urge to report back on everything you mentioned before is hard to resist (especially if you asked for prayer).

Well, some of this is appropriate. One reason I send newsletters at all is to keep people informed of and connected with what I'm doing. I send them to friends and supporters, people who like me and want to know what I'm up to. But I also write to build a bridge to my readers and give them something they can use: resources, links, things to chew on or smile about.

I think I could do both and still stay in the ballpark of 1000 words. I could make my main article something for you and keep the stuff about me to a bulleted list or two. Or even if the main article was about me, there's room for some smaller items with takeaways for you.

Perhaps the best newsletters blend the two. They share the writer's thoughts or experiences in a way that invites the reader to relate, engage, and join the conversation.

Thoughts?

Collaborative Community Ministry - Continued

2011-04-07T10:00:00.005-06:00

(Continued from yesterday's post.)

While I was in Anchorage I had the chance to hear a presentation from what I think must be an unusual ministry. Anchorage Faith & Action - Congregations Together (AFACT) is a network formed in 2003 by eight churches in order to mobilize their congregations to address quality-of-life issues in the city of Anchorage. It now includes fifteen churches from six denominations with a combined attendance of about 10,000 people from various parts of the city.

A few things impressed me about AFACT. One is that they are not just trying to fix the problems they see, they are empowering ordinary people with the techniques they will need to go out and find out what others in their communities really consider the problems to be. They discover and respond to gaps in health and safety, youth issues and education.

One pastor shared that when they did the grassroots neighborhood research, none of the things he had put on his top-ten list of issues made the top-ten lists of people in the neighborhood where his church was situated. Only when you go out and talk to people can you find out what the areas of greatest community concern really are. So if you want to build bridges and bring the changes that really matter to people, you have to put aside your pre-decided solutions; you have to listen and learn what people care about.

I believe that a listening ear is one of the greatest gifts anyone can give. Sounds like AFACT has discovered the same. Lots of churches plan community programs and service projects and go door to door to talk to people about Jesus or their church, but when you do that you're lucky to get a few positive, two-minute conversations out of a whole afternoon of trying. Whereas they have found that when the Christians introduce themselves as being part of AFACT and ask people what they are concerned about, they find much greater receptivity.

This ministry also empowers people to respond to the issues once they discover what they are. The 3.5-day leadership training helps those who attend understand how issue advocacy really works. They learn about power structures and community resources. They find ways that ordinary people can effectively work for the common good of the people in their communities.

Will I ever write that book about "the ministry of listening" that's been on my mind these last few years? If I do, I'll want to interview community organizers like the people from AFACT and see what they've learned along the way.

>> Learn more about AFACT. If you run into others doing this sort of thing, let me know, OK?

Collaborative Community Ministry: Anchorage, AK

2011-04-06T17:03:00.011-06:00

While I was in Alaska one of my hosts invited me to pastors meetings in two different cities. Game for most anything, I said sure. Women don't usually get to experience these things; I was curious. I also breathed a sigh of relief that to learn the breakfast meeting was at 8:00, not 6:00 like so many men's breakfasts. Things wrapped up with an hour to spare before making the the 40-mile trek to a lunch meeting in the other city.

I don't think I actually contributed anything to either gathering. Except exchanging smiles and handshakes and drinking my share of the coffee. But I was sure glad I went. It gave me a glimpse of what the churches in the Anchorage area are doing. So encouraging!

That pastors from different churches would get together on a regular basis is not so common. They tend to be quite busy. And then there are some "turf" issues. Most ministers have at least a few friendships with fellow pastors outside their denominations, maybe beyond just the folks they went to seminary with. But to deliberately and regularly gather and collaborate with other leaders from "competing" congregations and radically different traditions? That's kind of uncomfortable, and it's unusual.

The pastors of Anchorage have been doing it for a long time. About 40 years now. Currently that means lunch meetings every Thursday. People come when they can. They take turns hosting the meeting. Everybody gets to introduce themselves, and there is a time to share about upcoming events or particular prayer needs. The day I went they were discussing re-instituting annual or semiannual prayer retreats where they would get out of town for a few days to spend time praying with and for one another. How cool is that? And how necessary! So good to be with others who do the same kind of work and face the same kind of pressures. People who understand, and who are committed to look to God with whatever comes up.

"One of the best parts of our prayer retreats, for me," said one guy, "was hearing about the different churches' callings. It seems as if God has given us different ministries for a reason. We do one thing and you do something else. It's in our DNA. I can see how God has things 'covered'!"

This group is part of a larger network of Christians who recognize their unity in essential matters. They have formed a group called the Church of Anchorage. Some eighty churches belong. They work together to reach out and serve the people of their city. I think it started off with things like collaborating on a Billy Graham Crusade or JESUS film distribution project. They coordinate their children's ministries; they serve the homeless. Currently they are involved in "52 weeks of prayer" through which different prayer groups and ministries commit to a week of prayer over their city. After the formal meeting, several were getting together to talk about a Good Friday service: that they would have a joint service was almost a given. The guys at the breakfast meeting in the "Mat Su" Valley were planning a similar event, both in local high schools.

Come back tomorrow and I'll tell you about another way Christians in Anchorage are working together.

¹ How good and pleasant it is
   when God’s people live together in unity!
² It is like precious oil poured on the head,
   running down on the beard,
running down on Aaron’s beard,
   down on the collar of his robe.
³ It is as if the dew of Hermon
   were falling on Mount Zion.
For there the LORD bestows his blessing,
   even life forevermore.

Psalm 133

Making Good Tables

2011-04-05T20:49:00.004-06:00

"In nothing has the church so lost her hold on reality as in her failure to understand and respect the secular vocation. She has allowed work and religion to become separate departments, and is astonished to find that, as a result, the secular work of the world is turned to purely selfish and destructive ends, and that the greater part of the world’s intelligent workers have become irreligious, or at least, uninterested in religion.

"But is it astonishing? How can anyone remain interested in a religion which seems to have no concern with nine-tenths of his life? The church’s approach to an intelligent carpenter is usually confined to exhorting him not to be drunk and disorderly in his leisure hours, and to come to church on Sundays. What the church should be telling him is this: that the very first demand that his religion makes on him is to make good tables...."

Dorothy Sayers, Creed or Chaos, Sophia Press, 1949, 1974, pg 77-78. (HT my friend D., who writes at Russell and Duenes)

Emotions a-Swirl

2011-03-28T01:50:00.007-06:00

Well, I'm on the road - that place of adventure, ambiguity, and sometimes danger. Since a lot of what I'm doing involves going places I've never been before, interacting with people I don't know well, and sometimes standing up in front of people and speaking, I'm vulnerable. Vulnerable to taking myself too seriously, for one thing. Of thinking I'm the bee's knees. Or getting stressed out about all the things I'm not doing, or not doing well.

At several points during this last week my sense of fear and impending failure seemed insurmountable. Then something funny or serendipitous would happen and I'd be on top of the world again. One time it was just driving through a neighborhood with streets named Goose Berry Lane, Boysenberry Place, Thistle Berry Drive, Raspberry Street, and Mulberry Circle, only to find one little road named "Fred." Ha!

How do you maintain joy, when things like fear and humiliation lurk nearby, ready to take you down? How do you stay serene when you are are walking down a new trail? My friends in the airline industry are trying to answer that question.

Alaska Airlines wants to help you relax. The cup says:
"Don't think of this as a flight, but a long coffee break."

Some Southwest Airlines jetways feature life-size images of
employees who couldn't be more excited to welcome you aboard.

My friend K. is dealing with something much more serious than trying to manage a crazy schedule. She's battling cancer. And as chemo and radiation come to an end, she shares some of the lessons she has learned. I need to chew on these:

1. Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. Life will always involve pain but how I handle what is given to me is a choice. I am learning that God never wastes pain.

2. Relationships are mandatory. I truly believe that God has used people during this journey, to give me a glimpse of Himself.

3. There is ALWAYS hope! From personal experience I can say that the biggest thief of hope is a warped focus on myself - a perfect breeding ground for defeat and despair! Early on in this venture, a friend gratefully reminded me of Romans 15:13, and it has become my mantra... “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace, as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope, by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

4. Jesus is constantly ‘wooing’ me back to Himself. He wants to be in close relationship with me (such a thing of grace). He is trying to impress this thick brain of mine with the truth that HIS love defines me - not my self-absorption. I can hardly wrap my heart around the fact that He actually sings over me! (Lam. 3:17)

>> In shallow things or deep ones, what have you found to lift your heart?

Telling Secrets about Travel

2011-03-26T10:42:00.005-06:00

Anchorage, Alaska, March 2011. Packing and unpacking, trying to set up appointments – not too few, and “waste” the opportunity, not too many, and leave myself drained and exhausted. Navigating someone else’s city and driving around in a rental car. Tracking expenses, managing the cash and checks. Trying to stay on top of what’s come up, what’s about to come up, and what I’ve pushed to the back burner while I’m traveling but must not forget completely. And now I left family #1’s house key at family #2’s house, some 70 miles away, along with the card with family #2's phone number on it. Yikes.

Often when I travel, my strengths shine through: I’m outgoing and friendly, flexible, love meeting new people and learning about new places. I do fine with airlines and airports, suitcases and boarding passes and seatmates. And if I find myself in an unusual social situation, I smile inside, enjoy the challenge and start forming alliances. Like trying to find the alto part when singing with 20 bearded men at the pastors’ prayer breakfast F. took me to the other day. Who would have thought I’d find myself there? Had a great time, and am eager to pass on some of the stories and ideas I heard.

Often, as in this case, I came because I have something to contribute, something valuable and needed: I passed along the result of my studies and experience and helped history come alive to 50 people enrolled in two Perspectives classes. I love to love and serve the people I meet. Often, this means I have other people to take care of my needs, organize the schedule, and drive me around.

But sometimes travel lets my weaknesses shine through, too: I don’t like to drive, have trouble judging distances, and don’t remember how to get places. I’m extremely nervous about taking social initiative and making phone calls. In fact, the phone I have doesn’t even work in this city. I have trouble staying on top of administrative tasks and organizing physical things – knowing where I put that piece of paper you gave me that had something important on it, wrapping up my cords carefully rather than jamming them in the bag because you expect me to be ready to go. The rental car is a nice touch in that it gives me freedom – and makes the jobs of those I visit somewhat easier – but the responsibility of getting myself places increases my stress level considerably.

How we respond when our weaknesses are revealed is probably a lot more important than what are weaknesses are or how numerous, surprising, or inconvenient they may be. And on this count I find myself failing as well, and I feel a wave of self-loathing rise up like bile. Come on, anyone should be able to manage these simple life skills, I tell the woman in the mirror. What is your problem? Sometimes, unable to bear the pressure of such scrutiny, I look around for someone or something else to blame rather than face my deep fear that this just goes to show that I am a terrible and incompetent person who can’t be trusted (and probably can’t be loved), impossible to live with.

Only when I express such words to I see the melodrama, bring them out in the light, let the God of grace shine in through the cracks in my fingers when I’ve covered up my eyes.

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. (Romans 12:3-8)

Where's Marti?

2011-03-22T15:11:00.002-06:00

Worried about me? Probably not. But if so: never fear. I'm fine.

Just having to cut back on life's frills for a while - things like reading and writing blog posts.

School, travel, work projects, correspondence and conversations with friends seem to be using up all my words lately.

However, I have plenty to write about. Hope to be back soon.

When Are You at Your Best?

2011-03-14T10:26:00.007-06:00

When do you feel most alive?

I had teaching sessions five days this week - three Perspectives classes (all in Colorado) and a Friday/Saturday Crossing Cultures workshop (in California). So, with all the prep and travel, plus the ezine and trying to keep up with email, my work-week expanded to 70 hours. Spent another six hours on school work. Today I try to rest and regroup. A sabbath?

"When are you at your best?" I asked my friend Chris.

Then I started to ponder how I'd answer that question, myself. Do you know how you'd answer it?

It's when I throw myself into something - like my work - that I feel most alive, most myself. I think work is the thing because it's the most convenient target, and because I love so much of what I do.

Just as being a bookaholic was a happy addiction for succeeding in school, and one that came with some nice side effects (e.g., I can spell)... throwing myself into my work tends to be good for my career. Except when I bite off more than I can chew. Then it's like that day when I was 14 and fell asleep in English class after staying up all night to finish reading Gone with the Wind. No, it wasn't for English class.

Now, what if what I really threw myself into was not my work, but something else? A hobby? An experience? A family? A relationship? Certainly at times I've done so. And I know what it is to lose myself and feel completely alive in prayer and worship.

I continue to be amazed by how wonderful both work and recreation/rest can be, and how often both fall short. See previous posts, Work and Rest in Heaven and "I Was Born to..."

A Life with Room for Listening

2011-03-10T13:30:00.000-07:00

Source: Urban Entry. HT MindSoulStory.

To Partner or to Pioneer?

2011-03-09T11:59:00.004-07:00

As I mentioned in my previous post, I'm in the middle of a teaching-tour focused on telling the stories of people who have been among the first to cross significant frontiers in the kind of work I'm part of. We're talking about men and women who blazed the trails that others have followed. Pioneers.

Since I really value partnering over pioneering, I confessed this to the students. Told them I don't think I have it in me to work toward something that doesn't even exist yet. That I lack the entrepreneurial spirit/gift. And that I nevertheless struggle with feelings of both jealousy and judgmentalism toward those who strike out on their own, who have less experience and insight than I do and yet dub themselves founder, president, or director - titles that bring them prestige and platforms. "Glory seekers," I sometimes think, "can't work with others," or "don't realize how many people are already doing this thing. Bet they didn't even think to ask or look."

While sometimes such accusations are well founded, often they are not. And I'm pretty sure my motivation to pull down others from what seem to be self-built pedestals has its roots in something rather twisted in myself.

So, let's try not squelch the people who have what it takes to blaze new trails. Try to redirect them, possibly. Temper them, sometimes. Equip them, certainly. And, I hope, come alongside them and help them to succeed, introduce them to others (one of my favorite things to do), and encourage them when they hit obstacles and snags.

Most of the pioneers I talk about in my teaching session were reluctant leaders: they had tried to join something that already existed and all the doors closed. As their vision and values crystallized they realized a new entity would be required in order to go forward. Sometimes, what they accomplished was so impressive that the early failure or rejection just seems inescapably providential; it freed and/or forced them to step out and lead the way into something new and wonderful.

Do you aspire to lead a team or organization? Say you have a compelling vision. What filters do you use in making the decision to strike out "on your own" to pursue it? I asked my Perspectives audiences for their input. Here's some of what they said.

The thing I have a passion for, is it something that's really needed?
Is anybody else doing something like this already?
Have they seen this opportunity?
Have we tried to work together?
Have I tried to join an existing organization and not found a fit?
Does it seem as if this vision is from God?
Do others encourage me to follow this vision?
Is it worth a long-term investment?
Can I make a long-term investment?
Am I willing and able to take risks, blaze trails, and go in the dark?
Will others work with me, even follow me?

>> What do you think? What would you add?

Why Look Back?

2011-03-06T07:54:00.002-07:00

Dear friends,

A busy season for teaching and travel; the commencement (finally) of graduate school studies; and lots of my thoughts and energy directed toward a new love-interest, my friend Chris out in Oregon, with whom I talk or type every day ... I don't seem to have more words left. So, the blog has languished a bit.

This is my third week in a row of teaching at Perspectives on the World Christian Movement classes. I'll walk about 150 people through a two-hour session on modern missions history at churches in three Colorado cities in the next few days. This lesson focuses on pioneers, the entrepreneurs and ground-breakers who went where few had gone before and built the trails for others to follow.

My hope is that the class will inspire the students to pursue their own dreams in ministry and pick up a few historical mentors to learn from as they go. Ultimately, I value partnership - linking arms with others and learning from them - over pioneering. But we still need people who are able and willing to go where other people don't go, to try what other people don't try. And my hope is that the two will be connected: that everyone who starts something new will learn from those who have gone before and prioritize making connections with like-minded people. Without those two things, who can make a lasting contribution? In any area of life?

“Christian missionary work is the most difficult thing in the world. It is surprising that it should ever have been attempted. It is surprising that it should have been attended by such a measure of success. And it is not at all surprising that an immense number of mistakes should have been made.” Stephen Neill

I like to start my history lessons with some kind of theological foundation, an explanation of why it's worth our while to look back as well as ahead. This one is easy; it's built on remembering what God has done.

REMEMBER the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. Is. 46:9

REMEMBER the days of old; consider the generations long past. Ask your father and he will tell you, your elders, and they will explain to you. Deut. 32:7

REMEMBER your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Heb. 13:7

Whom Do You Love?

2011-02-28T23:11:00.021-07:00

This is a post of questions. Questions for me, questions for you.

I first read and signed onto The Lausanne Covenant in the early 1990's. The 1974 statement of faith and purpose had been composed largely by the British theologian John Stott and it had became a standard for mission-minded evangelicals worldwide. Affirming it was a condition of joining the ministry I served with for so many years. We all agreed to the Lausanne Covenant, and we agreed we'd be willing to work with anyone else who said the same.

The Lausanne Movement chose the occasion of its largest meeting yet to commission a new document that, much like the previous one, attempts "to bring a fresh challenge to the global Church to bear witness to Jesus Christ and all his teaching - in every nation, in every sphere of society, and in the realm of ideas."

The Capetown Commitment seems to go further down the road from statement of faith or systematic theology to a call to a common mission. It frames the entire conversation in the bonds of love. The commitment, it's a commitment to love.

How uncomfortable. How challenging. How right.

Are we willing to hear and see what it looks like to really love God, and to love our neighbors as ourselves?

I'm not sure I know how to love. I find a war within myself, a longing to love and be loved at odds with a deep-rooted suspicion that it's better not to. I'm made to connect with others; I've been trained to keep others at arm's length. Which one will win out?

Remember the story of the good Samaritan? My friend Laura recently wrote about attending a gathering of diverse women that took place in the land where Jesus first told that story. "In Jesus' teaching the answer to the question 'who is my neighbor,'" she says, "was essentially another question: 'Whose neighbor are you?'"

Another friend suggests that the original hearers of that story would have considered as neighbors anyone who lived within a day or two's journey of them. Were we to apply the same standard today, the whole earth would be one neighborhood. Do you believe that it is? Why or why not?

Globalized communication mean we may hear, instantly and incessantly, about situations and struggles in far more and further-flung places than we can touch through anything except perhaps our prayers. Human nature pressures us to stop our ears, to close our eyes, to disengage. How do you choose to respond? I mean, how do you choose when to respond, and when not to?

Whose neighbor are you?

We Love Because God First Loved Us

"The mission of God flows from the love of God. The mission of God's people flows from our love for God and for all that God loves. World evangelization is the outflow of God's love to us and through us. We affirm the primacy of God's grace and we then respond to that grace by faith, demonstrated through the obedience of love. We love because God first loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins."

Source: The Cape Town Commitment

This post is part of the Christian Writer's Blog Chain, which chose for its February theme, "love."

Christian Writers Blog Chain

2011-02-28T06:52:00.000-07:00

Oops; didn't get this done by the end of the weekend. But come back later. I'll try to get my post up later today.