tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-367702892024-03-12T18:04:54.925-06:00Telling SecretsI have come to believe that by and large the human family has all the same secrets. – Fredrick BuechnerMartihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.comBlogger1003125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-50658668079194090552023-10-10T17:49:00.004-06:002023-10-10T17:51:27.620-06:00A Master Class in Happiness: Finnspiration<p style="text-align: left;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigBdvEI7YQ7qLl5SYZO-AsFV0fgiQYMO8Tq1AbeTW-IvS_3erPTv1B7cFS6RUSHc0Ro7qgfWsjX5dNA2vX-zi9Pb7xeiOQeRDXczi7KMY0yDbdJJBptlX39qIw6Pz5AnB-_Hl5Xh-rQxXM0qORI2OPLf5_9J05fIfdRFmQYL2A0yYN7uLoILbu/s6000/pexels-natalia-s-18177495.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="6000" data-original-width="4000" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigBdvEI7YQ7qLl5SYZO-AsFV0fgiQYMO8Tq1AbeTW-IvS_3erPTv1B7cFS6RUSHc0Ro7qgfWsjX5dNA2vX-zi9Pb7xeiOQeRDXczi7KMY0yDbdJJBptlX39qIw6Pz5AnB-_Hl5Xh-rQxXM0qORI2OPLf5_9J05fIfdRFmQYL2A0yYN7uLoILbu/w266-h400/pexels-natalia-s-18177495.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>The headline caught my eye—as headline writers and their algorithms always hope. <p></p><p class="ArticleHeader-styles-makeit-headline--l_iUX" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.cnbc.com/2023/09/23/i-took-finlands-masterclass-on-happiness-heres-what-i-learned.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">I took Finland’s free masterclass on happiness: Here are 3 things I learned</a></p><p class="ArticleHeader-styles-makeit-headline--l_iUX" style="text-align: left;">That’s right, this Northern nation—regularly ranked high in global studies of the happiest places—now offers an online class to help you live and flourish like a Finn. It started as an in-person experience, a contest that offered lucky winners a free trip to see the Finnish way of life up close. Then they turned it into a free, online class you can take from anywhere. </p><p class="ArticleHeader-styles-makeit-headline--l_iUX" style="text-align: left;">It’s hosted on the Visit Finland website. It probably includes a hard sell to come spend your tourist dollars in their country. The class is free but requires registration, so anyone who signs up can expect to be added to their mailing list and may find ads for Visit Finland popping up in surprising places. </p><p class="ArticleHeader-styles-makeit-headline--l_iUX" style="text-align: left;">If they’re right, a visit to Finland may be in your best interest, too. Learn more about how to <a href="https://www.visitfinland.com/en/find-your-inner-finn/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Find Your Inner Finn</a>.</p><p class="ArticleHeader-styles-makeit-headline--l_iUX" style="text-align: left;">See also <a href="https://tellingsecrets-mks.blogspot.com/search?q=happiness">other posts on this blog on the geography of bliss and how to be happy</a>.<br /></p><p class="ArticleHeader-styles-makeit-headline--l_iUX" style="text-align: left;"> <br /></p><p></p>Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-3895316681652323932022-03-15T12:35:00.003-06:002022-03-15T12:47:12.125-06:00Learning as a Gradual Dazzle<p>As a kid I studied and memorized reams of poetry. Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, e.e. cummings, Robert W. Service, and more. For social capital in today’s world, my time would have been better spent had I waited a few years and filled my brain instead with details from the Marvel Comic Universe and lines from Friends and The Office. But who knew that then? At any rate, opportunities to gracefully weave a quote or a few lines of verse into a conversation, as people in old books are apt to do, are few and far between. Becoming a Christian in middle school and starting to learn Bible verses has served me better, at least in Evangelical circles. <br /></p><p>Yet the do-it-yourself education in the liberal arts I got from memorizing poetry is still good for my own reflection and sometimes amusement. One of the Emily Dickinson poems comes back to me often. I don’t know how much I appreciated it at age 10, but its meaning is (perhaps ironically) clear now that I’ve reached middle age. <br /></p><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">Tell all the truth but tell it slant —<br /></div><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
Success in Circuit lies<br /></div><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
Too bright for our infirm Delight<br /></div><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
The Truth’s superb surprise<br /></div><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
As Lightning to the Children eased<br /></div><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
With explanation kind<br /></div><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
The Truth must dazzle gradually</div><div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">Or every man be blind —</div><p>(Here’s all the copyright info <a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/56824/tell-all-the-truth-but-tell-it-slant-1263" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">from the Poetry Foundation</a>). <br /></p><p>The best teaching, no matter the medium, tends to take this factor into account. It builds a case or slowly working toward a solution so readers can say for themselves, “Aha! That’s it!”<br /></p>Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-63561207736931345762021-06-09T08:19:00.032-06:002022-03-15T12:10:42.788-06:00Third Grade and School Singalongs<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://pixabay.com/illustrations/women-friends-group-gathering-sing-5625259/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="960" height="267" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9h5MUDXkYHM/YMDPhnCyLwI/AAAAAAAACys/_GEAUKmUFDcKjdSfwb3cuWFs-M0jLWVsgCLcBGAsYHQ/w534-h267/women%2Bsinging.jpg" width="534" /></a></div><b><br />It was 1979, and if there was one thing that was great about being a third grader at Burton Elementary School is was all the singing.</b> The tradition that continued until at least the 90s, by which time the old school had been torn down and replaced. When I was there, though, each of the two or three classrooms had a well-used piano, and several days a week the two classes would meet in one room or the other to sing our hearts out. We turned the desks sideways to form long rows and sat on top of them. Show tunes, patriotic songs, Christmas carols, songs our grandmothers had sung, songs that had been popular in the distant days of our teachers' youth. A decade later, YouTube suggests, the kids were still singing many of those same songs, but at the "new" Chautauqua Elementary. <p></p><p><b>Each kid had a special song or two. </b>They'd jump up, go to the front and help lead/perform the song (usually song and dance). There were concerts, of course, several times a year, and once I remember taking it all on the road to perform at another school. </p><p><b>Third grade was also the year I really became a reader.</b> I devoured chapter books, memorized poems, and composed stories of my own (which were terrible, I am sure). At some point that year I was tapped to go down the hall and tutor a first grader who was struggling to learn how to read. Craft projects and drawing were also a big deal at school, and that may be where my sister's passion for art first bloomed. <br /></p><p><b>I had not yet begun to dread recess.</b> But I remember the first clues that I might in how I felt when the tether ball went whizzing by my face and when a kid named Eric went out of his way to praise and encourage me as I kept missing balls on the foursquare court. </p><p><b>That was the year the P.E. teacher, Mrs. Adams, called my mom to come in for a conference.</b> The topic: how my sister and I needed to improve our ball-handling skills. We had both been born without depth perception and were hopeless at games and sports. At the teacher's recommendation, Mom bought us a big, bouncy, red rubber ball to play with. But our driveway was gravel, the road in front of our house a rough pavement with no sidewalks, so there was no place to really bounce or roll a ball except the garage, where we used it to "bowl," knocking down rows of my dad's empty beer cans. His drinking would later become a problem, but this is before that really happened, or at least before I had eyes to see it. At any rate, music and the arts were at least as much a big deal as sports and games, so I had little sense of falling short as I leaned more toward one than the other.<br /></p><p><b>All in all, a very happy year.</b> It brought the dawning of self-awareness and self-possession but came before the rise of self-doubt, social awkwardness, and hopeless crushes on the boys all the other girls liked, too. By junior high my parents' marriage would be on the rocks and my sister and I would become rivals, alternately rejecting and seeking to please one another, bickering, getting on one another's nerves. At this point, though, we were mostly just fast friends.<br /></p><p><b>I wonder what it would take to regain the playfulness of an eight-year-old, the joy of singing and dancing and playing and drawing and telling stories? </b></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">When People Used to Sing <br /></h3><p><b>Singing and singalongs were also a big part of life in many of the old-fashioned books I loved as a kid. </b>Betsy and Tacy, for example, performed duets when they were children, and in high school and beyond would gather round the piano with friends and family to sing popular songs and songs well remembered from days gone by. I think, too, of Pa Ingalls pulling out his fiddle. The music we played at home, whether it came from my parents' record collection, the stereo, or my mom's little transistor radio, was often pretty singable; folk music had left its mark. So much of the contemporary music of that time was meant to be sung along with, perhaps unlike a lot of today's popular music. <br /></p><p><b>And we sang a lot at camp.</b> I went to Girl Scout camp, once to a Camp Fire Girls camp, and starting in sixth or seventh grade, five years of music camp. Eventually, as a church-going teenager, I helped with vacation Bible school and went on youth group retreats. But even in less-likely settings singing was part of camp. My sister brought home new songs from science camp. Do kids at camp still learn camp songs? Some of the same silly, singable ones? Or has that gone the way of gathering around the piano, except maybe at church camps?<br /></p><p><b>Churches still sing, of course.</b> But almost all church music, in the places I go, is worship music. You're singing directly to God. It's for him. Gone are the hymnals and harmonies. You rarely hear singing in parts. Even "rounds" and echo songs are gone. The music still stirs the emotions but you aren't supposed to be critical of it or focus on it. It's like it's all a means to an end, setting a stage for something more important than mere music. I get it, I guess, but somehow that no longer feels as much like singing to me. I miss the musicality. <br /></p><p><b>"Praise and worship" music also has little room for storytelling. </b>Complexity, artistry, and narrative are often replaced by emotion alone. But I'd rather come at worship a bit less directly at times. Churches where worship is so central that the singing is incidental feel kind of like schools only using music for educational purposes, like mnemonics. In those third-grade singalongs we sang "Fifty Nifty United States" with its list of states in alphabetical order. But not so we could pass a geography test. We also sang songs that were rich and beautiful, and others as joyful and playful but evidently purposeless as "The Beer Barrel Polka" and "Ragtime Cowboy Joe." <br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;">Why Not Bring Back Singing?</h3><p>A while back a friend of mine wrote <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/allow-more-singing-table-phil-mershon" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">an article advocating for more singing in modern life</a>... including singing at work. Why should children and churches, field hands and fisherman have all the songs? Anyone game for an office choir?</p><p>See also, from the archives, a reflection from my Young Life days, <a href="https://tellingsecrets-mks.blogspot.com/2007/02/songbook.html">Songbook</a>. <br /></p><p>(<a href="https://pixabay.com/illustrations/women-friends-group-gathering-sing-5625259/" target="_blank">Image from Pixabay</a>)<br /></p>Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-29608307512697961582020-01-21T10:02:00.000-07:002020-06-15T07:26:11.988-06:00I Used to Read: UpdateSince the end of July I've been pursuing a different strategy when it comes to reading. I'm requesting more paper books through the library in order to access content not necessarily available through their ebook collections. I'm trying to be more intentional about what I read instead of just feeding myself what I can easily find.<br />
<br />
The tensions haven't gone away. I still fight distractions, internal and external. My job responsibilities have shifted a bit so I won't have to spend as much time on social media. Still playing games on my phone more than I ought to, but it helps that one of my confederates in that pursuit decided to give it up, at least for a while. I cancelled Netflix and I'm reading more on the treadmill than I did before, though that only works for the ebooks. I have a harder time reaching for the paper ones, sometimes, since they are just less convenient.<br />
<br />
Overall, though, I think my reading experience has improved. I've read about 40 books in the last six months. Nine of them were re-reads. Eight were books I read for work, mostly mission books for writing reviews. Twenty-two were from the library, either paper books or ebooks. But I was able to give 4-5 stars (out of five) to almost 70 percent of what I read. Only a dozen were in the 2-3 range. Previously my most common ranking was a 3... was reading too many middling mysteries and novels. <br />
<br />
Two re-reads I gave fives to were: <br />
<ul>
<li>Eugene Peterson's<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/579014.A_Long_Obedience_in_the_Same_Direction" target="_blank"> A Long Obedience in the Same Direction </a> </li>
<li>and Philip Yancey's<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/435307.The_Bible_Jesus_Read" target="_blank"> The Bible Jesus Read</a> </li>
</ul>
For fiction, <br />
<ul>
<li>I once again loved <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2728527-the-guernsey-literary-and-potato-peel-pie-society" target="_blank">The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society </a> </li>
<li>I also enjoyed some Wendell Berry, both re-reads and first-time reads, and revisited a couple of Arthur Ransome books, a childhood favorite, and decided I'd like to read some more Fredrik Backman.</li>
</ul>
Other highlights shed light on American history, and included:<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/478.Bowling_Alone" target="_blank">Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community </a> </li>
<li><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39507318-the-library-book" target="_blank">The Library Book</a></li>
</ul>
I don't have a particular goal for 2020 reading, though I'd like to read 80 books again, which seems to be my new normal. Decided to start of the year with a 90-day read through the Bible, which I'm happy about but is leaving me less time for other kinds of reading.<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/zukrahon" target="_blank">Follow me on Goodreads</a>.</li>
</ul>
Note: I may have neglected this blog quite a bit, but I'm not abandoning it yet. Since we're counting things... this is post # 1000 I've published since launching the blog in 2006. Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-66550192174020947722019-07-28T18:52:00.000-06:002019-07-29T11:35:33.277-06:00"I used to love reading..."<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ruZsGsNyTAk/SZ-lu2LcFpI/AAAAAAAAAzQ/lfKqgkdPMh0B--HB2nrU1Y18tU_L8hDZQCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/books.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="384" data-original-width="255" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ruZsGsNyTAk/SZ-lu2LcFpI/AAAAAAAAAzQ/lfKqgkdPMh0B--HB2nrU1Y18tU_L8hDZQCPcBGAYYCw/s400/books.JPG" width="265" /></a></div>
In 2017, reader and writer Philip Yancey published a blog post titled <a href="https://philipyancey.com/reading-wars" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Reading Wars</a>. It it he confesses:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"I am going through a personal crisis. I used to love reading. I am
writing this blog in my office, surrounded by 27 tall bookcases laden
with some 5,000 books. Over the years I have read them, marked them up,
and recorded the annotations in a computer database for potential
references in my writing. To a large degree, they have formed my
professional and spiritual life.<br />
<br />
"Books help define who I am. They have ushered me on a journey of
faith, have introduced me to the wonders of science and the natural
world, have informed me about issues such as justice and race. More,
they have been a source of delight and adventure and beauty, opening
windows to a reality I would not otherwise know.<br />
<br />
"My crisis consists in the fact that I am describing my past, not my
present. ... I am reading many fewer books
these days, and even fewer of the kinds of books that require hard
work... The internet and social media have trained my brain to read a
paragraph or two, and then start looking around." </blockquote>
<b>My Reading War</b><br />
<br />
Like Yancey, I read about three books a week. That started by the time I was ten and went on until about when I turned 40. But after 2010, I couldn't do it anymore. <br />
<br />
Here's how it happened. I was given my first i-device (an iPod Touch) in February or March, 2011. In time it was followed by an iPad and an iPhone, this time my own purchases. These proved handy for reading books, yes, but for so many other things as well: texts and emails, playing games, taking in music or movies, perusing social media, and doing a variety of tasks related to work... all of which, until that point, I either did without or had to turn on my laptop for. So every time I sat down to read, these other options were just a click away.<br />
<br />
By the end of 2011 I'd sorted and packed up my books and moved to Oregon. I had a whole new life. Not much time alone. Most volumes stayed in their boxes until Chris and I got married and rented a house, and were boxed up again a few years later, when we moved in 2015. So reading was more difficult during those seasons, too. Plus, I'd lived within walking distance of libraries for the previous 20 years. That was no longer true. The way the city lines were drawn in Eugene meant I couldn't get a library card.<br />
<br />
I wasn't reading so much anymore.<br />
<br />
<b>Times a-Changin'</b><br />
<br />
Now it's 2019 and my life is simpler than it was then. I have more control over how I use my time. I have my books. And I have a library card again!<br />
<br />
But it's still hard to get back to reading when the internet and games and social media are all right there on my devices, enticing me with shallow satisfaction. <br />
<br />
I can no longer read 100+ books a year. I'm shooting for 80. Probably seems a lot to some, but I read fast, and with fiction I may devour it the way other people watch movies or binge on Netflix.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XGg_CErr8yo/XT4yyUsgWBI/AAAAAAAACjY/MkDjHpJdeq00gOj53hCjMG_zPWv6-8WtgCLcBGAs/s1600/goodreads%2Bstats.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="432" data-original-width="968" height="177" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XGg_CErr8yo/XT4yyUsgWBI/AAAAAAAACjY/MkDjHpJdeq00gOj53hCjMG_zPWv6-8WtgCLcBGAs/s400/goodreads%2Bstats.png" width="400" /></a></div>
I realize I may never be a super-reader again, enjoying both the depth and breadth of reading I once knew. Short of civilization collapse or the zombie apocalypse, the internet and its many distractions seem here to stay, and I'm addicted.<br />
<br />
But lately I've been thinking more about reading quality rather than the number of pages I can read or hours I can spend with my nose in a book. I want to read differently. More intentionally. And that is going to take some different strategies.<br />
<br />
<b>Kindle Vs. Paper</b><br />
<br />
Being the frugal type, I usually count on the library for new books, unless they are things I can buy for work and reimburse. And whether I buy or borrow, I've grown to prefer ebooks. They are just so convenient. I can browse for them on my phone. Often get them immediately. I don't
have to schlep them around. I can choose the font and font size; read
them in the light or in the dark. On the treadmill. Wherever I am. And if they're from the library, they
even return themselves! <br />
<br />
But here's the thing. Libraries have been collecting paper books much longer than they've been investing in electronic ones. They have more of them. Especially for those like me who prefer books that stand the test of time but may not make the bestseller lists.<br />
<br />
I think I need to read more paper books. Read more of the good stuff. Learn what I want to learn, consume what I really want to consume, not just picking from a small collection I can get for free from the library's Kindle collection. Paper books? Yes, they may have fine print, but I have reading glasses if I need them. They may not glow in the dark, but I still have a lamp or two I can turn on!<b> </b><br />
<br />
<b>Making Plans</b><br />
<br />
Today I took a look at my <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/9356884-marti-wade?shelf=to-read" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">want-to-read list on the book-tracking website, Goodreads</a>. It's pretty long. These are mostly books I can't get in Kindle editions from my library. Some of them are on Hoopla, an alternate library interface, but that's clunky and prone to crashing.<br />
<br />
So I logged into the main catalog. Right! They still have real books! Easily found half a dozen from my list. Most were checked in. I placed my holds. The library will send them to my closest branch. I should have 3-4 by the end of the week. We'll see how long it takes me to get through them.<br />
<br />
Still too easily distracted? Probably so. But here's something that lowers the pressure a bit: This summer our library system joined the ranks of those that no longer charge overdue fines. Another way the world has changed. It's not just me. Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-40772117442760988512019-06-30T13:59:00.002-06:002020-01-21T11:08:45.271-07:00Don’t Go There: Travel & the Problem of Over-tourism<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Mwnj7G9JvuA/XRlMEPS05RI/AAAAAAAACio/Ororpfq05vcjjeCsmugslwTsPNlZRMeEACLcBGAs/s1600/Arch%2Bimage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1240" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Mwnj7G9JvuA/XRlMEPS05RI/AAAAAAAACio/Ororpfq05vcjjeCsmugslwTsPNlZRMeEACLcBGAs/s400/Arch%2Bimage.jpg" width="308" /></a></div>
<br />
<i>“The question is, do you want to go to a place – </i><i>or show people you’ve been to the place?” </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>—Eduardo Santander, E</i><i>xecutive Director of the European Travel Commission </i></div>
<br />
I once accepted a free consultation from a young financial advisor trying to grow her business. The key question, she said, was how I wanted to spend my retirement. Travel, perhaps?<br />
<br />
Ha! In those days I was spending enough time overseas or on the road I thought it would be nice to stay home. Read and write. Putter about, and probably volunteer somewhere. Have a pet and a garden. Still sounds good to me!<br />
<br />
On the other hand, my travel was mostly work-related rather than recreational and it took me more places <i>off</i> the beaten track than <i>on</i> it. So, I entertained wistful thoughts of visiting France or Italy … hanging out on the Mediterranean… seeing Machu Picchu or the Great Wall of China. <br />
<br />
<h2>
Too Many Tourists</h2>
More and more people are joining the global middle class and have the same ideas about travel. They want to see all the places they've heard about. The tourism industry is booming. But all is not well. <br />
<br />
Watch <a href="https://youtu.be/LTTsy6uuzVs" target="_blank">Top 10 Places Ruined by Tourism</a>:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/LTTsy6uuzVs/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LTTsy6uuzVs?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<br />
<br />
Or, if you just want to know what made the list:<br />
<br />
1. Amsterdam (Netherlands)<br />
2. Majorca (Spain)<br />
3. Venice (Italy)<br />
4. Angkor Wat (Cambodia)<br />
5. Galapagos Islands (Ecuador)<br />
6. Bali (Indonesia)<br />
7. Iceland<br />
8. Dubrovnik (Croatia)<br />
9. Thailand<br />
10. Mt. Everest (Nepal) <br />
<br />
Any of those places on your bucket list? I know my limits well enough to say Mount Everest is safe from me; I'll just read "Into Thin Air" again. But I'd like to see some of the others. Have only been to three of them, two more than a decade ago. I remember thinking it would be better if there weren’t so many foreigners there (and in some other places I’ve been). But that hardly seemed charitable when I was a visitor myself.<br />
<br />
To be sure, I’ve felt the crush of overcrowding as bad or worse in places frequently only or primarily by locals. There’s nothing like an Asian bazaar to trigger claustrophobia. The local name of one of the first I visited was “The push-and-shove." It was well named.<br />
<br />
<h2>
Over-tourism in the News</h2>
Well, this summer has seen a spate of news stories about the problem of over-tourism. <br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20190618-how-to-be-a-better-tourist" target="_blank">How to Be a Better Tourist</a> (BBC) describes the problem and provides helpful suggestions for sorting out your own priorities as a tourist. </li>
<li><a href="https://skift.com/2019/06/19/its-summer-and-everyone-is-writing-about-overtourism/" target="_blank">It’s Summer and Everyone Is Writing about Overtourism</a> (Skift) includes links to other coverage and suggests the tourism industry itself should accept blame, not merely the tourists themselves. After all, they are doing everything they can to encourage the situation.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<h2>
Selfie Sightseeeing</h2>
As some of the articles point out, Instagram and its ilk are a driving force. Evidently you haven’t really seen Paris if you don’t have your own pictures, and a picture of yourself with each of its famous spots (see articles like <a href="https://thatadventurer.co.uk/43-most-instagrammable-places-vancouver/" target="_blank">43 Most Instagrammable Places in Vancouver</a>). But how many people go there just to say (and show) they have, rather than showing interest in the place itself? Already this summer the staff of the Louvre staged a walkout because they were frustrated about the overcrowding; long lines, piles of garbage, and standstill traffic can make eager sightseers cranky, too. I like a good art museum. Am not sure how much trouble I'd take (or make) to see (and say I'd seen) that one.<br />
<br />
<h2>
Everyone Wants to See Flam</h2>
My husband is a big action-movie fan, but has a contemplative side as well. And when he wants to relax, he puts on <a href="https://www.netflix.com/title/80119525" target="_blank">Slow TV: Train Ride Bergen to Oslo</a>. It's the view from a seven-hour train journey through beautiful Norwegian countryside, with mountains, water, and trees nothing like those where we live now. It's lovely. Maybe someday we will go?<br />
<br />
The other day we were wondering how the communities along the route survive. Is there industry, agriculture? And if we went, what else might we stop and see along the way? I Googled some station names and started to learn about a village called Flam, population 350, which has been a tourism center since the late nineteenth century. Ah, tourism is what's keeping them alive. And that means there are probably things to do in and around Flam, right? <br />
<br />
Yes, but the interest is too much for Flam to handle. They get 160 cruise ships and 450,000 tourists a year, most of whom stay only a day. It's worth seeing, evidently, but the waters of the fjord are getting polluted; no more fishing. Among other troubles, there are reports of public defecation; the only public toilets are in the train station.<br />
<br />
<h2>
What Is Travel at its Best?</h2>
With the travel industry, social media, etc. so ready to suggest what to do and where you go, perhaps we need to be more discriminating. Not just go everywhere we can, or everywhere we're told. Give up any FOMO tendencies. We would do well to know ourselves and what we want. As I think of my best experiences and favorite memories, they have to do with discovery and human connection.<br />
<br />
If what we like is connecting with people, finding places of peace and beauty, and finding what makes a place unique, we may do better to give up the chance to see the headline sights. Maybe go with less of a plan or agenda and let others guide us. Perhaps making the journey one of discovery, rather than the conquest of checking things off a bucket list, of cramming in all the must-see and can't-miss sights.<br />
<br />
But all this helps me be content to be missing some stamps in my passport. To accept that I haven't been there and done that. What else have I seen and felt and experienced along the way, instead?<br />
<br />
As it turns out, a great deal.<br />
<br />
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<b>Your thoughts? </b></div>
Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-76162724886985596062019-06-18T08:11:00.001-06:002019-07-08T10:23:13.979-06:00"Do you have a PDF of the book I can use to compare to and restore my [censored] copy?"The other day I got an email from a hotmail address. Subject line: I'm writing about your book, "Through Her Eyes." <br />
<br />
Text:<br />
<br />
Dear Mrs. Smith,<br />
<br />
This afternoon I went to a book sale and picked up a pristine looking
copy of your book for my home library. Turns out, however, that the
previous owner didn't always agree with your opinions and defaced parts
of your book with whiteout or black ink. She went so far as to whiteout
whole paragraphs and to retitle one of your chapters. (I could send you
pictures as <span class="text_exposed_show">evidence if you'd like.)</span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
I don't want a censored book in my library. I find this kind of
censorship repugnant- especially since she subbed her own words in for
yours.<br />
<br />
I considered just throwing it away and ordering a new
book, but I'm on a fixed income. Do you have a PDF of the book I can use
to compare to and restore my copy? Restoring the paper copy, even if
the results are a bit messy, is my goal.<br />
<br />
------<br />
<br />
Scam or legit? It sounded so much like website comment spam that I googled several sections, expecting to find the this ruse documented. Nothing.<br />
<br />
The idea that
this person doesn't want to read an ebook version but to "restore" the
paper copy they bought to an uncensored state seems pretty weird. The
offer to send pictures could be a ruse to suggest sincerity. The rest to
appeal to my vanity. And of course the text of the email contains
nothing that would necessarily restrict their meaning to any particular
volume - just the use of my name in the salutation and book title in
subject line.<br />
<br />
As it happens, although I still have a small stash of paperback copies, I don't have a PDF of the final version or even a copy of the Kindle edition (which the publisher pulled out of circulation). It's nice that it's still in print - at least print on demand.<br />
<br />
The email was fishy enough I'm not going to respond. But I thought I'd post it here to give Google a hand.</div>
Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-60936906541440835962019-04-22T10:00:00.000-06:002020-01-21T11:07:09.106-07:00Now we are cat people.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
In February we got a kitten, then 10 weeks old.<br />
<br />
At $500, the startup costs for this venture were a little daunting and included a hefty pet deposit and increase in rent for our apartment, various supplies, and a sizable "adoption fee" required by the charity we got her from, as nobody else seemed to deal in kittens.<br />
<br />
Yeah, she's a rescue cat, as they call them now. This may be <a href="https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Virtue%20Signalling" target="_blank">virtue signalling</a>, like making sure people know you compost or are deeply committed to recycling. When I was a kid you'd say you'd picked up a stray, and that's probably just how it happened. Made you sound like a bit of a cheapskate or someone who didn't care about quality. I guess things have changed.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-a54FddTiq7g/XLpZwXM1MlI/AAAAAAAACgc/sCQYS05u9hcXaB7qEbP-N0PbQzSOCQkfgCLcBGAs/s1600/kitten%2B%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-a54FddTiq7g/XLpZwXM1MlI/AAAAAAAACgc/sCQYS05u9hcXaB7qEbP-N0PbQzSOCQkfgCLcBGAs/s320/kitten%2B%25282%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a>Nala is marked by an M on her forehead, as it turns out all true tabbies are. We joke it stands for "Marti's cat."<br />
<br />
I'm surprised how quickly I've become Nala's person. Or one of them. I'm afraid we both dote on her quite a bit.<br />
<br />
There's something about touch, about the soft fur and all the purring; it meets a need I didn't realize I had. And taking a break from work to play with the cat or do something for her seems to do something for my outlook and energy level, too. <br />
<br />
We talk and think about Nala a lot, but it seems to go further than that. We send each other cat comics. We watch cat videos on Facebook. We watched <a href="https://www.netflix.com/title/80125726" target="_blank">The Lion in Your Living Room</a>, and I went through a whole series on Netflix called <a href="https://www.netflix.com/title/81025361" target="_blank">Kitten Rescuers</a>. We lurk in the pet section of Walmart or PetSmart, comparing food or litter options.<br />
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Perhaps none of this would have happened if Nala was one of those standoffish, disdainful felines. But she's not. She follows us around, wanting to be petted or fed, and dashing ahead when she thinks she knows where we're going. Sometimes her paws or tail get stepped on; no help for it. She doesn't hide or sulk, though... she's right back there looking for attention.<br />
<br />
This cat jumps on my desk and walks into my video conferences for work. (It's a little embarrassing, but always makes my coworkers smile.) Nala talks to us. Sleeps on our bed. Plays games with us... like "how high can you jump?" (see picture) "pounce," and "fetch"! (That one took us by surprise.) <br />
<br />
Of course, all the kitty love leaves a mark, and not just on my heart. The claws were too small to do harm at first. As the weeks went by that began to change. Soon our furniture was in danger and I was covered with claw marks. Did a bit of research and ended up buying special scissors to trim her claws periodically. She doesn't like it, but my wounds have healed.<br />
<br />
This week Nala is six months old. Happy half-birthday, kitten!<br />
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<br />Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-38425967437237082952019-04-19T15:22:00.003-06:002023-04-14T09:43:43.621-06:00Why I (Don't) BlogSee also a post from about a decade ago, <a href="https://tellingsecrets-mks.blogspot.com/2008/04/thoughtful-blogger-or-anyway-thoughts.html" target="_blank">Why I Blog</a>.<br />
<br />
Haven't posted anything on the blog in some time... and it's been sporadic for years. My original purpose, approach, and even the title for this blog no longer seem wise. Sure, transparency, authenticity, and vulnerability remain popular values in our world. But living them out on the internet seems increasingly risky. I'm not sure what to do about that.<br />
<br />
Things got a little trickier when I got married, because my husband didn't seem appreciate me writing about our life together and any mention of issues involving him or the kids seemed, well, inappropriate to discuss. Marriage meant I had someone to talk to, someone who's always there, and the need for self expression and connection has ebbed a bit. Aaaaand less discretionary time. I could no longer plan my evenings and weekends according to only my own inclinations.<br />
<br />Then I joined my organization's communication team. That gave me not only another outlet for any remaining writing impulses, but more projects and publications to manage. With deadlines. I like deadlines. I'm much happier working with a bit of pressure and structure than without it. But I don't have much energy left when I'm done. And since, in February, our staffing decreased by 25%, I never seem to get done. <br />
<br />
When I write for my organization, I have to keep their voice and brand and not my own tastes and preferences in mind. And for social media, there's the pressure to create a more curated picture of oneself. Huh. So maybe it's worth keeping this blog around. I could (theoretically) post things here that I could not or would not share someplace else. Though if I don't post links on social, I am not sure anyone will see them. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-82726427199820821852019-01-03T07:51:00.000-07:002019-01-03T11:04:28.987-07:00"To be known as someone who simply wants to live with them."Well, off I go. Saturday we leave on our trip to the other side of the world with much expectation that God is going to show Himself in some life-changing and surprising way.<br />
<br />
I've agonized over my presentation on culture learning, trying to chose what content is appropriate for a one-hour presentation to this particular audience, wondering what might result... dismissal? disinterest? engagement? input? invitations to travel the world and teach? or just a "we'll take it from here"? I really don't know what to expect or what to hope for. And I have been quite anxious about this and other aspects of our journey.<br />
<br />
If you are a person who prays, think of me at 4pm Jan 14. Or 12-15 hours before that, if you live in the US, to account for the time difference. I could use your prayers for this presentation / discussion.<br />
<br />
Here's a video I hope to use to open it up. Of course I can't be sure technology will cooperate. This video can't be downloaded, evidently, and I hate to rely too much on internet access in a conference setting, in a different country, and on someone else's laptop. So I may just read the quote.<br />
<br />
Still, I can share it with you here:<br />
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<br />
<i>“More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence. <br /><br />"Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. <br /><br />"But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn’t be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them.” </i> <br />
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Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-3595436060092326772018-11-09T14:07:00.003-07:002018-11-12T09:30:03.174-07:00Anticipating Travel: a tale of two attitudes.Things are moving ahead with our trip to Southeast Asia in January! I just bought the tickets yesterday. One thing I may not have said in my last post about this is that the day after I mentioned the scheme to one of the top guys in our office in Florida, he told me he and his wife had talked about it and would like to pay for my husband's ticket so he could go. Awesome! So his assistant got things rolling with Finance and HR and I'm getting a one-time salary "bonus" to cover the airfare. Most of our on-the-ground expenses will be either be covered by those organizing the events or are legit to reimburse from my work account, so we can make this work without breaking the bank. The big cost will be the loss of income, since Hubs doesn't get any paid time off.<br />
<br />
I have been quite grumpy in the process of researching and buying the tickets. So many options! Go East! Go West! Go fast! Go slow! Fly a US airline! Fly an Asian airline! Fly all the way around the world!<br />
<br />
Add to that the fact that my least favorite thing to do is spending large amounts of money. And even with all the reimbursements, it's a lot to put on my credit card. I have a hard time getting past my mother's warning when I was 17 and going off to college with my first credit card in hand: don't use this. It's only for emergencies.<br />
<br />
There's one more reason I've been grumpy, I think. It comes from the tension between two different approaches toward anticipating or preparing for the future.<br />
<br />
You know how the key difference between extroverts and introverts is where they get their energy? Introverts recharge by spending time alone, while extroverts are energized by being with groups of people.<br />
<br />
I wonder if there's terminology or a model to describe two tendencies in how we view upcoming events, and maybe especially vacations and travel?<br />
<br />
If there aren't words for it, maybe I will make some up. <br />
<br />
Here's what I mean. Clearly some people love to talk about, envision, and prepare for their next big trip. I think of a family I know that "surprised" their kids with tickets to Disneyland, but months in advance so the whole family could enjoy looking forward to the trip. And my dad and stepmom take a trip to someplace warm and sunny every February or March. Anticipating their vacation helps them keep going through each wet, depressing winter. And my husband finds that learning all about what he's getting into helps keep him from being overwhelmed by it all when he gets there. All that makes sense to me.<br />
<br />
But... I'm not like that. I find thinking much about the trip to Asia that's two months away, especially when I have two domestic trips to plan between now and then, quite stresssful. Told a coworker yesterday that I kind of take pride in not packing or planning a trip until it's time. It means I may miss out on things that have to be set up in advance. It also means I don't put a lot of energy into making plans I can't carry out when further info comes in or circumstances change. It lets me put boundaries on things, and not think about a thing until it needs my attention. And that reduces my stress, a LOT.<br />
<br />
Must sound funny to someone of the plan-ahead-and-anticipate style, though, to hear me complain about wasting energy looking forward to something. For them that's half the fun.<br />
<br />
Good to be able to label my own thoughts and emotions in this. Better still if I can be prepared to push them aside and not get irritable when talking to someone who approaches all this differently than I do.Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-4535152914049349922018-09-17T11:36:00.000-06:002018-10-15T05:59:02.250-06:00Personal Update: Dusting off my Passport<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>I used to get overseas about once a year. </b>Most of those trips involved training or coaching teams doing cross-cultural sociological research. Strangely enough, after joining a ministry that serves in 100+ countries, my international travel opportunities dried up. Marriage also caused me to limit the scope of my travel. So, although a couple times I have been "loaned out" to other ministries to help with something or other, I haven't been overseas on company business for a decade now. Even the two trips I made with other organizations put me in situations that reminded me of my weaknesses and vulnerability, causing me to wonder if I should just put my global travel days behind me.<br />
<br />
<b>Looks like that's going to change in 2019. </b>I joined a new team about a year ago. The team strategy and budget allows for me to get overseas about once a year. And an invitation came for January that I couldn't say no to.<br />
<br />
<b>I'm not going off the beaten trail this time. It's just a conference in Southeast Asia, in a city popular with expats. </b>I've been asked to participate in an international forum on equipping folks to thrive in cross-cultural service. The agency leader who is organizing the event is also putting finishing touches on his PhD dissertation, which evidently covers 10 areas related to "on-boarding" new team members, and the event will be structured around that. I'm eager to see his research and expect that it covers ground I was not able to get to when working on my own, more limited Master's thesis a few years ago. (I don't think this guy even knows I did that.)<br />
<br />
<b>They asked me to lead a session about enculturation.</b> I wouldn't consider myself an expert, but I am a decent curator and have a pretty good collection of tools and strategies that relate. Ethnography, especially, is something I have never felt that I could lay down entirely... even when so many others I worked with on this have stepped back and moved on to other things. Now I've got an excuse to blow off the dust on the material I've collected, make inquiries across the organization to find out more who's doing what and what the felt needs are, and offer what I've found to people who may be able to use it more than I do.<br />
<br />
<b>Even so, I didn't want to travel to the other side of the world just to do a one-hour presentation.</b> (And soak up a couple days of content from others.) Not without at least looking for another way to leverage the plane ticket. So I plan to go a week early and participate in another event, this one a retreat for folks who work in a number of different countries. Although they are there for a break, people like me are welcome to go just to meet people and do a bit of networking....<br />
<br />
<b>I've put in a proposal for a pilot project doing oral history interviews.</b> The vision is along the lines of <a href="https://storycorps.org/listen/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">StoryCorps</a>: inviting people to bring a family member, friend, or colleague to preserve something of their story for posterity. If it were just a matter of building rapport and doing interviews, I'd be fine on my own, but the recording aspect is one thing too much for me. I'm going to need some technical assistance. So I've proposed bringing along my husband to manage the equipment and focus on the recording aspect. He's good at that kind of thing where I am not. He never had the host country on his list of places to visit one day, but he's game. And although he will have to take leave without pay to come, he doesn't anticipate any trouble getting the time off. (Working two part-time jobs without benefits does have ONE benefit: bosses tend to give you latitude to set your own schedule.)<br />
<br />
<b>I'm not sure the conference organizers are going to "buy" the project idea. </b>I started with, "Can I come? Can I bring my husband?" and they said yes to that. They'd be glad to have us meet their people and hear their stories. But bringing in media equipment and trying to set up meetings with their people, with everything else going on, may be too much. I probably wouldn't have had the chutzpah to pursue this had not a friend, a leader in our organization, offered to cover the extra plane ticket, and my team in Florida approved my proposal. But once they did, I was emboldened to press ahead. I tweaked the proposal and sent it off to the field. Hoping to hear back shortly.<br />
<br />
<b>If they say no, I'll be left with an awkward decision.</b> Do I just go over for the forum on equipping new members, and skip the retreat? Do I go for both and bring my husband along when I don't "need" his help? Or do I go for both events, leaving my husband alone for two weeks right after Christmas (and miss his milestone birthday!)? Guess I just have to lay all this down before God and others and wait for clarity.<br />
<br />Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-20600117849673737532018-07-26T10:30:00.003-06:002018-09-17T11:45:40.239-06:00Making Improvements<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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These days I work closely (though remotely) with A., who works in our office in Orlando, and I tend to stay with her when I am in town.<br />
<br />
A. has been learning about a personality type model called the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enneagram_of_Personality" target="_blank">Enneagram</a>.<br />
<br />
Heard of it?<br />
<br />
One thing that makes the Enneagram different from other models is that rather than describing only the strengths and greatest contributions of each type, it tries to get at your motivations, fears, and weaknesses... maybe even your favorite deadly sin. One sign you've been correctly assessed is a gut-level groan of recognition. You've been "found out."<br />
<br />
Many Christians are really into the Enneagram these days. I was curious. So, when we were hanging out a few weeks ago, A. pulled up the Eeneagram app on her phone and started asking me the true/false questions so we could figure out my type.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1054" data-original-width="682" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-R_fQ4SKZXYk/W1nx0YBQvtI/AAAAAAAACbo/oPSzk3z6dCU2mp4Gub35G0hyZs02umxgwCLcBGAs/s320/enneagram.jpg" width="207" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.ivpress.com/press-releases/2016/intervarsity-press-announces-release-of-its-first-enneagram-resource" target="_blank">This</a> is one of the books Christians<br />
are reading about the Enneagram.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Looks like I'm a "Type 1," called The Reformer, Perfectionist, or Improver. Type 1's tend to see what's missing, what needs to be fixed, or what can be done better... and they aren't very good at giving themselves permission to stop and have fun. They are always looking for ways to make themselves, others, or projects and processes <i>better</i>.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://soundcloud.com/user-362426338/049-julianne-cusick-enneagram" target="_blank">According to this podcast</a>, Type 1's not only have an inner critic, but a whole chorus of them. Well, maybe not a chorus, says the woman on the podcast. They're yelling, not singing!<br />
<br />
Critical thinking is, of course, the secret to my success at work.<br />
<br />
It is not so helpful or valued in my closest relationships, where telling people I'm not good enough, that they and their work aren't good enough (and no, we can't go out and play!) are not so well received.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://famousenneagramtypes.com/enneagram-percentages" target="_blank">According to this article</a>, Type 1 is also the rarest of the types, with only 1% of the population. You might not want more of us... a little salt will do.<br />
<br />
Contrast that with Type 7, "The Enthusiast," evidently 29% of the population, or Type 6, "The Loyalist," with 28%. Maybe the world needs more of of those. But you can see how we might clash. (Um, don't have to <i>imagine</i>, actually!)<br />
<br />
Do you know your Enneagram type? How have you found that knowledge helpful? What do you think of the model more generally?<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span>Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-80021881256104062292018-07-17T11:12:00.001-06:002018-07-25T10:16:15.601-06:00Oh, the conveniences of the Internet (and their social and cognitive cost)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BrHP0oKJvCc/W04jGkyENEI/AAAAAAAACbU/qxFSVop0I2sF5kVS2yKjY6a40FhXDBTCwCLcBGAs/s1600/silly%2Bfriend%2Bphotos%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="635" data-original-width="960" height="262" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BrHP0oKJvCc/W04jGkyENEI/AAAAAAAACbU/qxFSVop0I2sF5kVS2yKjY6a40FhXDBTCwCLcBGAs/s400/silly%2Bfriend%2Bphotos%2B2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<i>I'm not in the inner circle of the group of friends who staged this wacky photo shoot, but I love knowng people who are good about making time to get together and share their lives, pleasures, and vulnerabilities. This blog post explores some of today's pressures that may tend to push us away from the close friendships we want and need.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
In a recent article for <i>Christianity Today</i>, writer Christina Crook describes how she saw a cross-country move that made all of her relationships into long-distance ones also make "staying in touch" come to mean scrolling through other people's social media posts. Or at least the posts of friends and family who were on social media. As for those who were not, her contact practically ended.<br />
<br />
Can you relate?<br />
<br />
Some of the Crook's writings on this topic over the last few years are a bit Luddite, but her views may have gained greater nuance. She seems to recognize that the tools we let hurt us aren't inherently bad, just troublesome when we don't recognize how they have affected us. She quotes former Google insider Tristan Harris who points out, "When you use technology, you have goals. When you land on YouTube, it doesn't know any of those goals. It has one goal, which is to make you forget those goals that you have."<br />
<br />
It was while working at Google that Harris observed how many resources were being put into "making more addicting products by manipulating the vulnerabilities of its users."<br />
<br />
Ouch. If we are to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles," and "run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:1-2), we need to consider what the easy and convenient communication strategies we've embraced are really costing us.<br />
<br />
Me, I love efficiency and convenience. I consistently choose task over relationship, regret it, and do it again. So I appreciate Crook's warning and ideas for pursuing relationships in time-consuming, off-line ways instead of just the easy, online ones.<br />
<br />
A few weeks ago our daughter got married. She and her love made fairly standard vows to one another, vows that were outrageous enough, actually. But they added some of their own. I listened with interest. Some have already been kept. "I will play video games with you... I will go see the [Grateful] Dead with you," she told him. But she also said, "I will not use your weaknesses against you," and I think that one will be harder to keep.<br />
<br />
Would that we all kept that promise in our closest relationships. It's worth committing to, and worth trying again when we fail. But how distressing it is that the games we play, our bosses and those who work for us, companies we patronize, and the media channels we enlist or consume seem to almost systematically use our vulnerabilities against us. As for the social media channels, though they can certainly be harnessed for good, they tend to distract us from our values, priorities, and goals and work to make us forget them.<br />
<br />
It's pretty sick, isn't it? What will we do about it?<br />
<br />
"...How have we been co-opted into society’s push for productivity over presence, and what have we lost in the process?" asks Christina Crook "...The inefficient way is also the way to love, and without love we have nothing."<br />
<br />
Read the article, <a href="https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2018/july-august/unfriending-convenience.html?share=5zSY0JlWCRbTMEofmHvQT7yWoY2sX6LQ" target="_blank">Unfriending Convenience</a>.Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-38414716442056448192018-04-23T13:02:00.002-06:002018-07-18T11:52:04.125-06:00On Awkwardness, Happiness, Grief, and God<br />
<i>Mom says: You haven't published anything on your blog since February. You should think about writing something there! True, Mom. Just a few half-baked things for you today, but here they are.</i><br />
<br />
<b>Trying to Be Less Awkward</b><br />
<br />
Do you, like me, struggle with self-consciousness and a fear of feeling or looking awkward? A recent article in New York Times explains <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/13/smarter-living/dont-be-less-awkward.html" target="_blank">Why Trying to Be Less Awkward Never Works</a>. The author says that while how-to tips are appropriate for someone going into brand-new situations, those of us who have been around a little longer don't need them and may actually be handicapped by all the do's and don'ts. Explicitly monitoring your own behavior only makes you more awkward.<br />
<b><br /></b> <b>Fun, Fun, Fun</b><br />
<br />
A few years ago I wrote a critique of my first (and so far only) experience on a cruiseship, and the aspect that struck me the most: the persistent pressure to be happy, to be pleased by all things at all times. See <a href="http://tellingsecrets-mks.blogspot.com/2012/02/were-all-having-fun-now.html" target="_blank">We're All Having Fun Now</a> and a followup piece, <a href="http://tellingsecrets-mks.blogspot.com/2015/03/smiles-in-aisles.html" target="_blank">Smiles in the Aisles</a>. A colleague pointed me to a longer piece from the late David Foster Wallace, <a href="https://harpers.org/archive/1996/01/shipping-out/" target="_blank">Shipping Out</a>, published in Harper's Magazine (though alas, no longer free online).<br />
<br />
Now: What happens when the happiest place on earth sponsors the cruise of a lifetime? I'm happy (in a sense) to add to the curated list this recent travel article from the New York Times: <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/05/travel/disney-cruise-magic-bahamas.html" target="_blank">On a Disney Cruise, It's a Stressful World (After All)</a>. The follow-up piece, <a href="https://mobile.nytimes.com/2018/03/09/reader-center/disney-cruise-love-hate.html" target="_blank">'If You Can't Have Fun on a Disney Cruise...'</a> is just as interesting. (I tend to appreciate articles that, even if the are making the case for a single emotion, opinion, or conclusion, acknowledge other views on a topic.)<br />
<br />
Also, if you like travel stories, especially those that deal with food and culture, see the blog <a href="http://roadsandkingdoms.com/" target="_blank">Roads and Kingdoms</a>.<br />
<br />
<b>Empathy and Pain</b><br />
<br />
Hubs' career as a chaplain has pulled questions about what to say to the stressed, traumatized, or bereaved into regular conversation. I wrote about this in <a href="http://tellingsecrets-mks.blogspot.com/2016/06/god-must-have-needed-another-angel.html" target="_blank">God Must Have Needed Another Angel</a>. You might appreciate <a href="https://www.mindful.org/the-power-of-empathy-and-one-surefire-way-to-know-if-youre-missing-it/" target="_blank">The Power of Empathy (and One Surefire Way to Know if You're Missing It)</a>, which explains the human tendency to flee pain by denying or distracting from the pain of others. Today we also listened to a podcast, <a href="https://katebowler.com/everything-happens/" target="_blank">Everything Happens</a>. The logo for it is actually phrased like this: Everything Happens <strike>for a Reason</strike>, so you can see it's bringing correction to a frequently expressed perspective that the author does not find helpful. See below. The Alan Alda episode is great!<br />
<br />
<b>Helpful Ways to Talk about God</b><br />
<br />
On a short flight last week I sat next to a very enthusiastic and chatty Christian who seemed determined to talk about God from the moment she boarded until we parted. She gave me her card and invited me to come stay with her any time I'm in New Jersey. Among the maxims she introduced early and repeated often was the claim, "Everything happens for a reason!" I'm still trying to put my finger on why that statement seems untrue, problematic, or at the very least, unhelpful... How might be used appropriately? When it would better be ommitted? Maybe the first episode of the podcast listed above addresses that question head on. Haven't listened to it yet.<br />
<br />
Anyway... What can or should one say, instead of "everything happens for a reason," to acknowledge God's loving kindness and now-and-not-yet kingdom on earth, as it is in heaven? I know some of my readers don't believe in that at all, of course. Just wondering what kinds of statements (if any) from those of us who do believe in God's redemptive power are actually orthodox and helpful in this regard.Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-2126079681473227882018-02-08T16:01:00.001-07:002018-07-18T11:55:20.429-06:001,800 Years in 1,000 Pages'Tis the season, and I'm scheduled to be among the instructors for ten <i>Perspectives on the World Christian Movement</i> courses in five states (North and South Carolina, Virginia, Georgia, and Oklahoma).<br />
<br />
Lest you think this makes me some kind of public-speaking celebrity, let me assure you that the pay is low and the pool of possible speakers small (drawing as it does from among those who are in some sense practioners of what they teach and also able to take the time away from their regular jobs to teach it). Plus, the people who book speakers are looking for diverse voices -- a different speaker each week, for starters -- who represent somewhat varied demographics, affiliations, and institutions. As an experienced, female speaker who wants to teach, gets positive reviews, lives in a region where the number of classes is growing, and comes from a well-known mission organization, I get plenty of invitations.<br />
<br />
I planned to accept six for this semester but a seventh came along that fit in easily enough, and then, last week, a "loop" of three big classes who had a speaker cancel asked me if I could make it there to do my favorite lesson. So I said yes, and now I'm up to ten. Gulp.<br />
<br />
Six of these ten times I'll be teaching a lesson called "Expansion of the World Christian Movement," an audacious piece of work that involves covering 2,000 years in just under two hours, and trying to weave one's own experiences and interests into a model of history that's, well, a bit out of step with the historical record. Honoring the students means leaving out great swaths of material, adding in some fun stuff, throwing in discussion questions, stopping for breath, and trying not to cast more than mild aspersions on some of the odd claims in their textbook that are likely to show up on a test.<br />
<br />
The other nights I'll be teaching a lesson called "Pioneers of the World Christian Movement." That one is less daunting. It focuses on a handful of personalities, all coming from traditions not unfamiliar to the students. I get to tell their stories and a few others, helping the students explore their ideas and contributions.<br />
<br />
Since I'm teaching so many history classes this time around, I decided to revise my lesson plans. Mostly by doing my best to confirm (and if necessary, drop or alter) the statements and stories I've gathered from many sources over many years. To facilitate this, I'm also taking a class. The dean of the school of intercultural studies is a pretty good historian and has similar interests. As an alumna, I can audit his history class for free. Since we live on campus, it's not inconvenient to pop up to the seminary one afternoon a week for lectures.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_osXw7YliFA/WnzWfH2LaWI/AAAAAAAACYo/hE-JvBaYB-Qm7nDuRpiXLlw5FgFuwy-UQCLcBGAs/s1600/history.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="322" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_osXw7YliFA/WnzWfH2LaWI/AAAAAAAACYo/hE-JvBaYB-Qm7nDuRpiXLlw5FgFuwy-UQCLcBGAs/s320/history.jpg" width="206" /></a>What's even more helpful, though, is the text. I spent a good chunk of December and January reading volume one, used for last semester, and am now halfway through semester's main text, volume two of <i>History of the World Christian Movement</i>. Each volume is about 500 pages long. They are woefully (though evidentlly intentionally) short on footnotes and quotes from original sources, but other than that, pretty solid. Not an easy read, though. My head is swimming a bit. If covering 1,800 years of global Christian history in 1,000 pages is challenging my capacity to absorb data, it may be a good reminder to go easy on my own students, some of whose academic experience is less or long ago.<br />
<br />
I'm hoping to blog a few stories from this book and class and/or what I discover in revising my teaching plans. Meanwhile, here's my speaking schedule, if you're interested.<br />
<br />
<br />
SUNDAY February 11 in Winston-Salem, NC (Calvary Baptist Church)<br />
THURSDAY February 15 in Greenville, SC (Mitchell Road Presbyterian Church)<br />
MONDAY February 19 in Cornelius, NC (Life Fellowship)<br />
TUESDAY February 20 in Charlotte, NC (Calvary Church)<br />
MONDAY February 26 Newport News, VA (First Church of Port Warwick)<br />
MONDAY March 5 in Stillwater, OK (Countryside Baptist Church)<br />
TUESDAY March 6 in Oklahoma City, OK (Crosstown Church)<br />
WEDNESDAY March 7 in Tulsa, OK (Asbury United Methodist)<br />
MONDAY March 19 in Florence, SC (Church at Sandhurst)<br />
MONDAY March 26 in Athens, GA (Living Hope Church)Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-66031694431496423862017-12-11T11:23:00.002-07:002017-12-15T09:15:27.547-07:00Food for thought: three angles on discipline<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mMrv33qNWuI/Wi7PHhNYg_I/AAAAAAAACX4/_YtHZl9LE8A75npR8E_5ACy7c88SFf7PgCLcBGAs/s1600/number-1186419_640.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mMrv33qNWuI/Wi7PHhNYg_I/AAAAAAAACX4/_YtHZl9LE8A75npR8E_5ACy7c88SFf7PgCLcBGAs/s320/number-1186419_640.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<h3>
1. <a href="https://thoughtcatalog.com/brianna-wiest/2017/11/this-is-what-self-care-really-means-because-its-not-all-salt-baths-and-chocolate-cake/">Self-care is not all salt baths and chocolate cake</a>.</h3>
<br />
“Self-care is often a very unbeautiful thing. It is making a spreadsheet of your debt and enforcing a morning routine and cooking yourself healthy meals and no longer just running from your problems and calling the distraction a solution. … [It] often takes doing the thing you least want to do.”<br />
<br />
Source: Brianna Wiest, Thought Catalog, H/T <a href="https://www.facebook.com/katie.lewis.18">Katie Lewis</a> <br />
<br />
<h3>
2. Discipline to go the distance</h3>
<br />
"There are two pains in life: the pain of discipline, or the pain of regret. You choose." — Wayne Cordeiro, H/T <a href="https://twitter.com/justindlong" target="_blank">Justin Long</a><br />
<br />
“It makes little difference how fast you can run the 100 meters when the race is 400 meters long. Life is not a sprint; it is a distance run, and it demands the kind of conditioning that enables people to go the distance.” — Gordon MacDonald, <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/814489.A_Resilient_Life">A Resilient Life: You Can Move Ahead No Matter What</a>.<br />
<br />
<h3>
3. <a href="http://www.alifeoverseas.com/missions-means-choosing-the-desert/">Missions means choosing the desert</a>.</h3>
<br />
The Hebrews wandering in the wilderness were tested and humbled as they relied on God to lead and feed them. Few Americans know what it is to be hungry and in such need, but we can know the desert and see God meet us there. Amy, a missionary in Tanzania, reports that her struggles with insomnia bring her to the desert, the humbling acknowledgment that her life is not under her own control. Similarly, our vivid awareness of dependence on God and others is both one of the hardest and sweetest things about cross-cultural ministry.<br />
<br />
Source: Amy Medina, A Life OverseasMartihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-75326203403278381702017-11-28T10:31:00.000-07:002017-12-04T07:19:25.814-07:00The Christmas Performance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HBthePxTmo0/Wh2r-YqNQKI/AAAAAAAACXk/95IDp6Br-AkGGFnmwfMC6BRvVnCqDVkRQCLcBGAs/s1600/Suburban_Christmaslights_2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="995" data-original-width="1187" height="335" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HBthePxTmo0/Wh2r-YqNQKI/AAAAAAAACXk/95IDp6Br-AkGGFnmwfMC6BRvVnCqDVkRQCLcBGAs/s400/Suburban_Christmaslights_2.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Christmas pressure seems to start sooner and sooner each time it rolls around, doesn't it?<br />
<br />
<b>Family members are nagging one another to tell them what they want for Christmas.</b> Stores are trying to lure us into buying everything, now if not sooner. I keep telling myself that since adopting the practice of having purchases shipped directly to the recipient, I need not bother about shopping now. I have made lists but it's too soon to buy. Yet still I feel the guilty urge, wondering if too many of the deals and selection will be gone when I'm ready to place my orders (or spend some of the gift money I expect to receive).<br />
<br />
<b>I've also had several emails from our apartment complex about the rules pertaining to putting up Christmas decorations.</b> I grew up in a household where decorating seldom commenced before school got out, around December 20, yet for some reason I feel a subtle disappointment that our place is not more than just "<i>beginning</i> to look a lot like Christmas."<br />
<br />
<b>I wish we hadn't missed the mayor's tree lighting downtown; I like that kind of thing.</b> I wonder if I can lure Hubs to a holiday concert or to go look at Christmas lights, or if it's even worth it. Hard to enjoy things the other person doesn't like, and as per usual, I'm short on other friends of the sort I could take to look at the lights or go to the concert.<br />
<br />
<b>Seems like holidays tend to poke at all my sore points. </b>I become more sensitively aware of the things I don't like about my life and choices. Maybe my "love for Christmas" is doing more to build frustration than spread joy. Perhaps it's more of a love-hate thing, eh?<br />
<br />
<b>One thing that has crept on me early this year may do me good, however. </b>It may reduce rather than increase my holiday uneasiness (as the gift giving and festive expectations have done). I've already read through two Advent devotionals. They're starting to soften me and to give me words and images to combat the Christmas craziness in the world, and in my own heart.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UFh3MEiH-uM/Wh2coJgnFdI/AAAAAAAACXU/5u52jkjPi8oKlNulGLSty_7fCY9OrrSpgCLcBGAs/s1600/Saint%2BJohn%2Bof%2Bthe%2BMall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="337" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UFh3MEiH-uM/Wh2coJgnFdI/AAAAAAAACXU/5u52jkjPi8oKlNulGLSty_7fCY9OrrSpgCLcBGAs/s320/Saint%2BJohn%2Bof%2Bthe%2BMall.jpg" width="215" /></a><b>I know Advent hasn't started. </b>But if you want to recommend anything Advent-ish to others, now is the time to do it, so I plan to post a few reviews. (Dang. There's that pressure again.)<br />
<br />
In <a href="http://a.co/8msqv6q" target="_blank">Saint John of the Mall</a>, Jon Swanson expresses similar struggles:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Nancy and I were talking about why we don't care for Christmas. We realized that it's about the expectations. There are scheduling expectations, there are emotional expectations, there are gifting expectations. There are even expectations about not being caught up in the expectations." </blockquote>
After spending years on church staff, expectations had worn away warm feelings about the season:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"'I think most of the reason I don't care for Christmas is spending so many Christmas seasons getting ready for events at church. Christmas programs. Advent series. Christmas Eve services. It often feels like I can't stop to think about Christmas, about Christ, until after the last event on Christmas Even. And by then, it's too late.'<br />
<br />
"Nancy nodded. 'Even when he's home, he's thinking ahead to the next event, the next performance. Sometimes I think that the only way he's really home for Christmas IS in his dreams.' <br />
<br />
"John thought for a bit. 'I think that the word that's got you trapped is the word "performance." Somewhere, you got caught up in performing for Christmas, and it's taken the place of celebrating Christmas. The deep, honest, participation in joy and grief and people.'"</blockquote>
If you're interested, you can <a href="http://a.co/8msqv6q" target="_blank">pick up the Kindle edition</a> of Jon's book for US$2.99.<br />
<br />
<br />Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-27517872847913996532017-11-21T07:03:00.001-07:002017-11-21T07:03:22.772-07:00Christmas Presents<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /><iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/BSxPWpLPN7A/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/BSxPWpLPN7A?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> </div>
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Source: <a href="https://www.foresthill.org/on_demand/125" target="_blank">Forest Hills Church, Charlotte, NC</a></div>
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So, we're going back to Oregon to bring back all the stuff we left there when we thought our move to the South might be temporary. I think this is how we're going to feel when we unpack our moving truck on January 5. Chris gets his stereo back! I can have my books! Yes, we're grateful for all we have and don't need more, but we do look forward to having it all in one place. </div>
<br />Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-18714779763286698732017-11-17T07:19:00.004-07:002017-12-15T09:09:06.492-07:00Retail Holidays and a Story of Stuff, Revised and Expanded<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Although it may have begun as an undercover Christian catechism (<a href="https://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/music/12days.asp" target="_blank">Snopes say no</a>), the 12 Days of Christmas came to paint a picture of gift-giving excess that has entertained (or maddened) many generations.<br />
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Today, though 12 days of holiday shopping seems like nothing.<br />
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A few years ago I wrote about <a href="http://tellingsecrets-mks.blogspot.com/2014/11/americas-new-commercial-holidays.html" target="_blank">America's New Commercial Holidays</a>, the proliferation of special shopping days that took off around 2012 and expanded as far as what one source dubbed <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/style/article/The-Sixteen-Days-of-Holiday-Retail-5907941.php" target="_blank">the 16 days of holiday retail</a>.<br />
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I like "Balance Your Checkbook Sunday," though it could use a new name, too, since few of us write checks to any degree anymore. Balance Your... Spreadsheet?<br />
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I haven't heard references to Grey Thursday or Sofa Sunday lately. Instead, retailers seem to be focusing on Black Friday and stretching the oh-so-limiting idea of a day having just 24 hours. (After all, as St. Peter tells us, with the Lord a day is like a thousand years?) I saw my first ad urging Black Friday shopping in late October. Better get started!<br />
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Lest you think America unique in excessively commercializing holidays, consider China. November 11 was dubbed "Singles Day" in 2009 (you know.. 11/11, single digits). It's became not only that nation's "premier national shopping festival," but the <a href="http://www.scmp.com/business/companies/article/2117839/alibaba-looks-turn-singles-day-international-affair" target="_blank">largest online shopping event in the history of the world</a>. This year, in one day (an old fashioned 24 hours this time), sources say the people spent upwards of US$38 billion dollars (with some <a href="https://www.timesofmalta.com/articles/view/20171117/world/china-has-a-waste-hangover-after-singles-day-shopping-binge.663322" target="_blank">disturbing results for the environment</a>).<br />
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That's a lot of spending.<br />
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In the spirit of an old fashioned Christmas, may I point out: You still can't take it with you.<br />
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<a href="http://tellingsecrets-mks.blogspot.com/2014/11/americas-new-commercial-holidays.html" target="_blank">In my 2014 post on this topic</a>, I mentioned that Chris and I were making plans to divest ourselves of a lot of stuff, leave some in storage, and move across country (though maybe just for a year) with what we could fit in our two cars. Though Christmas was drawing nigh, we hoped friends and relations would be cautious about giving us more stuff in the months before we were to leave.<br />
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We're still on the East Coast. With the turns our careers have taken, we think we'll be here for some years. Now it's time to go back and get the 50 boxes (including all my books!) from the in-laws' attic along with the bit of furniture they've held onto for us. Summer would be better than winter, I know, but we have more freedom now and plan to spend the days between Christmas and New Year's (and a bit more) driving a small moving truck cross-country. (Shipping our stuff would have cost considerably more.) I'm trying to look at our long drive from Eugene to LA, then across I-40 as a potential adventure, but it's a little daunting.<br />
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It has been nice to have a relatively uncluttered apartment, although we have certainly acquired more stuff since our 2015 move. Interested to see how we manage with 50 boxes more.Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-81642973283450086922017-10-20T13:44:00.000-06:002017-11-08T13:39:28.658-07:00Food for Thought: Problem Solving and Personal Management<br />
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<b>1. <a href="https://medium.com/@awilkinson/the-power-of-anti-goals-c38f5f46d23c">The Power of Anti-Goals</a></b><br />
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“…So, instead of thinking through what we wanted our perfect day to look like, we thought about the worst day imaginable and how to avoid it. We inverted and came up with what we call Anti-Goals.”<br />
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Source: Medium.com, H/T <a href="https://tonytsheng.blogspot.com/2017/10/friday-burn_20.html">Tony Sheng</a><br />
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<b>2. <a href="https://www.grammarly.com/blog/work-from-home/">Top Three Work-from-Home Problems and Their Solutions</a></b><br />
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- Lack of discipline (“Learn good time management skills…”)<br />
- Feeling out of the loop (“Be persistent... go after the information you need to do your job.”)<br />
- Going stir crazy (“You’ll have to make extra effort to avoid becoming a creepy recluse.”)<br />
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Source: Grammarly<br />
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<b>3. Busy Season</b><br />
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Personally, this is turning out to be a busy time for me. Four Perspectives classes, all involving overnight travel. Weekly editions of both Missions Catalyst and Pioneering Prayer to get out. Email, social media stuff, misc admin. Several plates spinning in the background, all projects I plan to wrap up or hand off by year's end. That will help but means extra pressure now. Meanwhile, it became clear I needed to fit in a trip to Orlando as well. So Monday I'll be flying to Florida for the rest of the week.<br />
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Glad Someone else is looking out for me when in comes to planning, though. When I reluctantly told a Perspectives coordinator I couldn't come teach for her class in February (my next really busy month), she wrote back:<br />
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“Here’s a neat God story… I went on the Perspectives website this past weekend and saw the amount of classes you were teaching and had some concern for you and almost sent an email telling you that. Just so happens, my husband goes to the JAARS day event this past weekend and strikes up a conversation with someone who wants to get more action teaching Lesson 6 but I already had the invite out to you. God is faithful to take care of you and to take care of providing an instructor out of the blue! How cool is that??? So, no worries! I think we’re going to be OK. I sure hope I get to hear you teach sometime. You come highly recommended.”</blockquote>
Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-32213757683979468562017-10-19T10:43:00.002-06:002017-10-21T12:10:30.330-06:00How Not to Sabotage Your Efforts<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
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<i>From the archives... a favorite post from 2013, describing one of the most helpful things I picked up along the way through grad school.</i><br />
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<b>One of the objectives of the class I'm taking this summer is to develop a personal awareness of the ways one is most likely to sabotage relationships.</b> Well, specifically, cross-cultural relationships with people who happen to be Muslims. Seems a lot of us get a little touchy when others -- Muslims, or anyone -- look at the world very differently than we do, open their mouths and talk about what they think and feel, and reject or even criticize things about how we think and feel. We think we're being attacked. We may have the same reactions in marriage, or getting along with our coworkers, watching the evening news or reading things on Facebook.<br />
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<b>One of our books includes a chapter called "How Not to Sabotage Your Efforts to Reach Muslims." </b>As the author points out, Christian books about reaching Muslims tend to externalize the tension we feel, as if Muslims are the problem, and if they just wouldn't be so <i>Muslim</i> we wouldn't be so upset about things. But if Muslims are just being themselves, do we have to get ourselves upset about it?<br />
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<b>It shouldn't surprise us that people sabotage their efforts to reach Muslims the same way they -- or should I say we -- sabotage all kinds of efforts and relationships. </b>If we are upset, likely our communication and behavior is going to be affected. And underneath that agitation are unhelpful thought patterns like these:<br />
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<b>1. Demandingness:</b> Absolute shoulds, oughts, musts, “have to’s”, and needs (I need to be perfect, people have to listen to me, they shouldn't reject me if I tell the truth, etc.)<br />
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<b>2. Awfulizing: </b>Believing that something is terrible, horrible, or awful (maybe dwelling on and inflating something negative and being unable to accept or let go of it).<br />
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<b>3. Low frustration tolerance</b>: Believing that you can’t stand something, that it is too much, or intolerable. (thus increasing your own sense of psychic pain -- you think it's more than you can take and will make you explode or crumble or something).<br />
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<b>4. Self-downing: </b>Believing that you, yourself are no good, beyond hope or redemption.<br />
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<b>5. Other-downing:</b> Believing that someone else or a group of people are no good, beyond hope or redemption.<br />
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<b>6. Overgeneralization:</b> Believing about a situation, person, or group that it will always be a particular way or will never change.<br />
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<i>Source: <a href="http://a.co/9yxp6x1" target="_blank">here</a>.</i><br />
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<b>I don't know about you, but I recognize those thoughts as pretty familiar ones. </b>And they sabotage me in life, generally, and especially in relationships.<br />
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<b>When our emotions are those of anger, frustration, anxiety, depression, and fear -- </b>rooted in such thought patterns --<b> </b>we then engage in unhelpful behaviors like defensiveness, blame, aggression, avoidance, rudeness, and dwelling on the negative. Those kind of emotions and behaviors may be normal and seem justified, but they don't help build relationships, do they? So, if our goal is to build effective relationships or have a "ministry," we need to find a way to deal with those emotions and behaviors -- and the thoughts that lie beneath them.<br />
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<b>I found it helpful to hear my professor, who is a practicing psychologist, talk about "upsetting ourselves" instead of "being upset." </b>That kind of language helps me take responsibility for my own emotions and emotional reactions -- I have to acknowledge that nobody is forcing me to be upset, to worry, to be stressed out. Those things are not mandatory.<br />
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<b>One problem, he said, is that we don't have an effective theory of emotions.</b> Most people believe that circumstances, the behavior or speech of other people, or the way we are raised are the causes of our emotions, despite the fact that research and other sources of authority (e.g., the Bible) do not support these theories. So our instructor offered us what he called the "ABC model of emotions." This is easy. I think I can remember it. And, in digging a little deeper, I see it comes from cognitive behavioral therapy.<br />
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A = Activating event, or trigger. The situation or experience (past, current, or anticipated).<br />
B = Beliefs about that event. Thoughts we have when the situation or experience happens.<br />
C = Consequences. Our responses, both emotions and behavior.<br />
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<b>Most people believe A causes C. (e.g., that situation frustrates me; that person makes me mad, etc). </b>But A triggers B, and <i>B</i> is what causes C. Our emotions and behaviors are largely caused by our thoughts and beliefs about the way things are supposed to be. Our expectations. And that is good news, because we can't change other people and often cannot change our situation. While changing our thinking is difficult, it can be done if we're honest with ourselves about what we think, willing to work at thinking differently, and ask for God's help in doing so.<br />
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<b>So, how can we avoid sabotaging our relationships and other efforts? </b>Stop and consider what things are getting us upset -- or, more precisely, what things we are upsetting ourselves about. What are our unhelpful responses when we are upset? What are we thinking? Is what we are thinking actually true? Is there another way to look at and think about the situation or something else we can focus on that might be more productive?Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-11030166605198028772017-09-29T11:41:00.001-06:002017-09-29T11:46:44.197-06:00So, God loved the world...<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
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[Reposted from 2013]<br />
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So, some people really don’t like to read or hear <a href="http://www.nakedauthors.com/2013/08/say-it-aint-so.html">sentences that begin, unaccountably, with the word "so."</a> To me it suggests a continuing conversation. To the purist, it's a conjunction, and should no more lead off your sentence than a "but," "and," or "though." Now you know!<br />
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An odd assignment in a biblical hermeneutics class I took as part of my seminary studies had me exploring uses of the little word in various contexts in the book of John. What does John mean when he says <i>so</i>?<br />
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There are some variations in meaning for this word. The Greek version of it shows up in John 3:8, 14; 4:6; 5:21, 26; 7:46; 8:59; 11:48; 12:50; 14:31; 15:4; 18:22; and 21:1, and in most these passages it means (and may be translated into English as) "this is how" or "in this way." Not "to this degree." So, more "thus," less "very." John's using the word as a conjunction, not a modifier.<br />
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The reason for this assignment? Turns out that when "so" sneaks into the uber-famous King James Version of John 3:16, there's good reason to believe it means the same thing there, despite tradition and appearances. Not like this:<br />
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"I asked Jesus, 'How much do you love me?'<br />
And Jesus said, <i>'This much.' </i><br />
Then He stretched out His arms and died."</div>
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Sorry! Actually, I'm not sorry. Always found that Christian T-shirt/poster sentiment rather creepy.</div>
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Some scholars disagree, but how John uses the word elsewhere suggests that here, too, it refers to the manner and expression of love (this kind of love), not the degree of it (this much love).<br />
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Small difference? It's enough to use a different translation.<br />
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English a few centuries ago, in the day of ol' King James, used "so" primarily in the same sense as the book of John ("this happened, so that did"). Today's English, though, tends to use "so" primarily as an adverb indicating degree. ("I am so totally ready for the weekend, what about you?")<br />
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That renders the King James version of this verse -- and the many translations that do homage to it in this particular cases -- a bit misleading. For 21st century American readers, ol' John 3:16 might be better rendered "this is how God loved the world," not "this is how much God loved the world."<br />
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Does that change the meaning much? I think so. I think it moves the emphasis from God's warm fuzzy feelings to God's world-shaking actions, from the greatness of his heart to the greatness of his gift. As the saying goes, love is a verb.<br />
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For more on this translation issue see <a href="http://goddidntsaythat.com/2010/02/04/so-what-john-316-and-the-lords-prayer/">So, What? John 3:16 and the Lord's Prayer</a> (God Didn't Say That: Bible Translations and Mistranslations).Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-44963934203036648612017-09-21T12:28:00.003-06:002017-09-21T12:32:11.243-06:00Great Conversation<i>“There is nothing that makes me happier than sitting around the dinner table and talking until the candles are burned down.” ― Madeleine L'Engle, <span id="quote_book_link_2819"> A Circle of Quiet </span></i><br />
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<span id="quote_book_link_2819">I used to say that nothing makes me happier than a good, meaty conversation. </span><br />
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<span id="quote_book_link_2819">As the years have gone by, though, I have felt less and less able to pull my own weight in conversation. </span><br />
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<span id="quote_book_link_2819">I run out of things to say or ask the other person about. Maybe I'm just not interesting enough? Have I stopped reading, learning, and growing, so I have nothing to bring to the table?</span><br />
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<span id="quote_book_link_2819">Whatever it is, when I'm on the spot, I often can't think of a way to take the talk from "small talk" to at least "medium talk," if that's a thing. </span><span id="quote_book_link_2819"> </span><br />
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<span id="quote_book_link_2819">Part of the problem may be that the conversations that dash my hopes are often one on one. The ideal number of people for a discussion that is simultaneously relaxed and stimulating, I propose (or at least prefer), is four. In a group of three to five, no one need carry the conversational ball alone, yet there's space for everyone to have their say. My new team at work is a team of four, and that feels just right. </span><br />
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<span id="quote_book_link_2819">Do you have any strategies for stimulating great conversations? What works for you? </span>Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36770289.post-38283936359460876952017-09-17T12:45:00.000-06:002017-09-21T12:46:24.714-06:00Fandom Fancies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yesterday was game day, a fact well-advertised (at their own expense) by a good many of the residents of Columbia, South Carolina. As we went about our Saturday errands I noticed how many sported crimson gear demonstrating their allegiance to the South Carolina Gamecocks, especially when it comes to football, the sport currently in season.<br />
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<b>The Need to Know</b><br />
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We didn’t watch the game, but felt we had to be in the know. As the evening progressed Hubs inquired about the score each time he asked Siri how the University of Oregon football team was doing in a simultaneous match against Wyoming. Though Oregon won 49-13, a sell-out crowd here in Columbia watched the Gamecocks lose 23-13. Had they won, the crowing would have continued throughout the city for another day. Instead, I suspect a hush has fallen over the topic for most fans, for now. Still, as Hubs connects with local guys he works with over Facebook or around the proverbial water cooler on Monday, he wants to have a basic grasp of what happened.<br />
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<b>What's the Appeal?</b><br />
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It still catches me by surprise that so many people find their identity in the sports teams they cheer for, yet I have to admit enough interest to give a fair amount of my time to following my favorite teams. I’m not a “true fan” of any sport, I suppose; I use it primarily to establish or maintain common-ground with others, such as friends and family members back in the West, and to some extent, to those who aren’t.<br />
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Yes, I think that’s it. Showing allegiance to teams from the hometown or alma mater makes a statement of place both to those who share it and those who don’t. It’s part of my <a href="http://tellingsecrets-mks.blogspot.com/2007/06/heres-my-i-am-from-poem.html">“I am from…”</a> statement. Not as much as Puget Sound and Mount Rainier, blackberries and bookshelves, but a part.<br />
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<b>Appealing to Allegiances</b><br />
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On a recent trip to the Northwest I went to an arts festival which featured Northwest icons in a prominent way. Not the sports things: as a juried art show, it did not have Huskies, Seahawks, or Mariners gear, at least not that I noticed. But it did feature more natural Northwest icons. I brought home a piece that managed to include Mount Rainier, Puget Sound, a Washington State ferry, and someone riding a bike down a hill during a sunset, all together in the form of a paper-cutting by a Japanese artist. All those points of appeal to my allegiances in one piece were hard to resist, and this one seemed made to fit in my suitcase and my frugal price range, too. So now it’s on my wall.<br />
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I suppose that makes the same kind of statement as the football jersey or baseball cap.<br />
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<b>Now Consider the Funatics...</b><br />
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Attending the art festival meant skipping another Everett, WA event, the <a href="https://www.heraldnet.com/business/funko-the-new-vibe-of-everett-opens-to-the-world-saturday/">opening of a new headquarters for Funko</a>, a Northwest company that got its start making bobble-head dolls and grew into what may be the world’s largest manufacturers of licensed toys and pop-culture collectibles. Who knew? They’ve made their new HQ into quite the interactive consumer experience, like a seamless blend of Disneyland and the Disney store. It features sections catering to fans of Marvel Comics, Harry Potter, Star Wars, and more. They were expecting thousands of "Funatics" to attend the grand opening.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sports and pop culture, all in one.</td></tr>
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<b>Taxonomy of Fandom: Justified or Unfair?</b><br />
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I find my own prejudices affect how I view the world of fandom. Picking up watercolors of Mt. Rainier and ferryboat knickknacks seems like healthy home-town-ism to me, while my-country-first rhetoric seems like dangerous patriotism. Why? What's the difference? Is it that Puget Sound is real and worth celebrating, not costing anyone else, whereas American Dream is a political philosophy or fiction with a high pricetag for other people and the planet?<br />
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Sports fans seem, to me, sometimes excessive, but ultimately more acceptable than pop-culture collectible collectors. Why? What’s the difference? In both cases we’re talking about commercializing on someone else’s achievement, licensing the work of a team of athletes or artists and selling overpriced “gear” so others can identify with it. Is it that a quarterback is a real person while a comic-book character is not?<br />
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In the end I think my taxonomy is little more than a ranking of prejudices... concluding that while I'm entitled to my opinions, so other people are entitled to theirs. Cheer for who you will and collect what you want; we all have our preferences and our own ideas about how far we'll go to proclaim or protect them.Martihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04492242951732140223noreply@blogger.com0